But it wasn't like I could turn back now: the ladder was set up, Becky and Alicia were waiting, and after the dream I'd had I couldn't imagine spending the rest of the night in my room. Clamoring out the window, heart racing, fear of heights kicking in, I could only think one thing: shit.
I drew myself down the ladder slowly, putting one foot behind the other, only panicking once (I was pretty proud of myself, considering I once had to be helped down the high dive at the local swimming pool).
When my feet hit the grass, I nearly fell over with relief. We all stared up at the ladder as it reached up the side of the house.
"Do we just leave it here, so I can get back in?" I asked, slightly out of breath. Alicia shrugged.
"I guess," she said.
"Um, no, morons. What do you think your parents will think if they see a ladder on the side of the house reaching up to your window? You did lock your door before coming down, right? They're supposed to think you're sleeping," Becky said, rolling her eyes. I bit my lip and shook my head.
"I didn't really think to do that … " I said. "You guys kind of totally surprised me, you know."
"Okay, okay, fair enough. Alright, one of you hold the bottom for me," Becky said with a groan. She started climbing up; Becky had never been afraid of heights. Becky was afraid of a lot of things: getting arrested, dying alone, being mugged in an alley, failing her classes … but, when it came down to it, Becky could be downright courageous when the situation called for it. Alicia and I watched her climb up the ladder quickly and slip through my still-open window.
"You guys know that you're total psychos, right?" I asked, turning to Alicia, who gave me a wicked grin in return.
"Um, no, we're you're best friends," she said. "You're the psycho. We're just playing along because that's what good friends we are." I punched her, playfully, on the shoulder, but wrapped her in a hug right after. We swayed in the embrace, both knowing that I would do the same for her if the situation called for it.
"Okay, okay, I'd be jealous but we have miles to make, ladies, let's go," Becky said, hopping off the ladder. "Your door is locked, your parents never have to know you're gone. Now help me hide this ladder."
We hid the ladder in a far corner of our property, and in the darkness it was really hidden. Becky had driven over in her little Saab so we piled in, me in front and Alicia in the back.
"Cord," Alicia said, thrusting her hand through the seats.
"No way, you don't get to pick the soundtrack," Becky scoffed.
"Um, I'm sitting in the backseat and NOT complaining about it, so, please, cord," Alicia repeated, making a grabbing motion with her hands. Becky sighed and passed back the cord that attached to the car's stereo. It all reminded me of how we'd been right before leaving for Vegas: excited, happy, so totally unaware of what the future awaited us. I guess, in retrospect, this was a little like a road trip, too: it wasn't nearly as long, but I definitely wasn't going to come back the same girl I went in.
"This one is for all the star-crossed lovers out there, and to all the ships at sea," Alicia said in a mock-grandiose tone. I groaned as the song started playing. It was Dolly Parton, "Touch Your Woman."
"Really, Alicia? Could you get a little more obvious?" I asked, turning back to her. She shrugged, a grin on her face.
"You guys! Stop teasing me! You know I'm a sucker for this stuff," she said.
"What's the address?" Becky asked, all business. I read the address from the cover of the matchbook and watched as she plugged it into the GPS. It was outside the city, on the entirely other side. It was about a 45 minute drive.
"Off like a herd of turtles," Alicia said from the backseat. And so we were.
19
It wasn't necessarily easy getting the night clerk at the motel to give us Boon's room number, but it also wasn't as difficult as it should have been. I guess three young, beautiful girls have some sort of power over elderly, overweight night clerks at sleazy highway motels. He wrote the number down and slipped it across the counter, begging me not to do anything that would make him regret it.
We drove around the motel, twice, before parking near his room. We went around twice, mainly, to give me time to stop panicking. He hadn't answered my text; I'd tried to call him again on the road, but his phone went straight to voicemail again. I was a total wreck.
My hand was shaking as I raised it in a fist and knocked on the door. The do-not-disturb sign swung on the handle. Somehow, the solid sound of my fist against the door calmed me down: it brought me back to the present, to reality, away from all the dangerous places my mind was trying to take me.
"Fuck outta here," Boon called from the other side of the door. He sounded like he'd been drinking. I knocked again. There was a crash, the sound of angry footsteps, and then the door swung open violently.
"WHAT?" He screamed into my face. I flinched, bumping into Becky and Alicia behind me. I think some of his spit flew into my eye. As soon as he saw me, he drew back.
"Shit," he muttered, not quite under his breath. He swayed as he stood, holding the door open. He looked bad. Well, that's a lie, he looked hot as hell in his ripped t-shirt and tight jeans. But he looked rather unhappy. And definitely drunk. I could smell whiskey on his breath, and peering behind him I saw a bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the floor beside the bed.
"I suppose y'all want to come in," he said, slurring slightly. I was more than a little taken aback by this greeting; I understood he wasn't expecting me, and I understood him screaming "what" in my face, but I'd hoped, after that, he'd warm up. At least seem … excited? Maybe this forbidden trip would be worth something, after all, even if it only proved he really was a jerk who didn't deserve my time.
"That'd be nice," I said pointedly.
"It'd be nicer if you were happy about it. C'mon, man, we went to a lot of trouble to get your girl here!" Alicia blurt out from behind me. I could have killed her. Boon's eyebrows raised.
"My girl?" he spoke the words slowly, looking me over, a change coming over him, softening his features. "I wish."
The sadness in those last words … I could never describe it. It broke my heart. Even Becky looked like she felt the weight. Boon stepped aside and we filed in. There was a single chair across from the bed, and I took it without invitation. Boon half-stumbled to the bed, sitting down like he was carrying forty pounds on his back. He reached down for the Jack Daniels, took a slug, handed it out to me. Impulsively, inspired by my growing anxiety, I took a swill, coughing it down. I put it down on the floor, out of his reach.
Being in that room, though it was a far cry from the hotel he'd taken me to in Vegas, brought back a rush of passionate memories, of yearning that I'd buried. Just being close to him, even in his drunken state, made my heart beat quicken. His blue eyes drifted over me, my own longing reflected in them.
"How did you find me, Boon?" I asked, not sure where to start. I figured that was as good a place as any. "And why?"
"Your phone number. Sheriff's daughter. I have high friends in places," he said with a mirthless chuckle.
"But why?" I pressed, not wanting to let the budding conversation lapse into half-hearted jokes. This was serious. This was my life.
"Why? Why, why, why. You tell me. Aren't you just another girl? Isn't there nothing special about you at all? That's what I keep thinking. That's what I keep trying to think. It's not working," he said, rubbing his eyes with open hands, scowling.
"Guys," I said, turning to the girls. I raised my eyebrows and motioned towards the door. Things were going to get even more serious than they already were, and I assumed Boon didn't want an audience.
"No way. I'm sorry, but no way. I'm not going to be sitting outside in the car while … while who knows what goes on in here. Now, we brought you here, and you're our responsibility," Becky said, puffing herself up like a momma bear. I was embarrassed but knew there was no use in arguing.
"Anything you can say to me you can say to them, Boon." It was true, anyway; even if he swore me to secrecy, Becky and Alicia would probably manage to get it out of me, anyway.
Boon looked doubtful, withdrawn. I turned back to the girls.
"Sit down, will you? Jesus, you're like cops standing behind me like that," I said. Becky grunted and uncrossed her arms. They both looked around the room; there actually wasn't any place for them to sit. I was in the only chair, Boon on the bed.
"Come on, Papa Smurf," Alicia said, plopping onto the carpet and pulling Becky down with her. "Comfy cozy," Alicia said with a giggle that was far from appropriate considering the situation.