No matter how much we talked about dreading going back, I know that Becky and Alicia shared the same warm feeling I did when we started seeing the landscape that told us we were close to home. It had been a wild week, and we were tired of travelling, wanted to sleep in our own beds, hug our parents, see our friends.
That didn't mean it was easy to hug Becky and Alicia goodbye when they dropped me off in front of my house. That trip really had changed us; but it brought us even closer together than we'd been before. Even though we'd probably see each other every day all summer, and then all the time while we were in school, having them around constantly had become normal to me, and I missed them the moment they pulled away.
That feeling was fleeting though, as I ran up the steps to hug my mother and father. It was the longest I'd ever been away from them, and I felt like we'd been away forever. They wanted to hear everything, see pictures, the whole thing: I told everything that I could tell without getting in trouble over dinner that night, and went to sleep happy and full of memories and happiness.
The next morning, though, I felt like I was hungover from the whole trip. I felt lazy, and listless, a little heartbroken. Mom and Dad tried to get me up and out, to go to a movie or a jog around the track, but really all I wanted to do was lie in bed, stare at the ceiling, and think. Let everything settle.
Think about how I was suddenly a different person: a sexual person, with a lifetime ahead of me of adventure and experiments. Think about how much I missed the smell of Boon on my skin. Think about how he'd vanished, without a word, in the hotel. Think about everything and nothing all at once.
I missed him. I didn't miss him. I missed him more than I could say, I didn't care if he died in a train wreck tomorrow. He was good news, he was bad news. He was the one, he was just another guy. He was special, he was lucky. He was bad news, he was good news. Over and over, my brain and heart flipped the coin, sometimes landing on love, sometimes landing on lust.
It was a fun time, you learned something about yourself, you don't need him anymore, you know what you want. Someday, you will forget him.
He was special, you felt something deeper than just lust, he had those eyes that made you want to open up. You will never forget him, always want him.
I was up all night that night, pacing my room, watching Netflix, trying to fall asleep. I wished I had some pot, which, I'd learned, was a great sleep-aide. I hated myself for wishing that, because I knew it was wrong, and that Mom and Dad didn't raise me to be this way. They didn't raise a stoner, for one, and they certainly didn't raise a little sex-kitten who would get all bent over shape over a big dick attached to deep, blue eyes. Deep, deep, deep blue eyes …
When I woke up the next day, I was almost surprised because I couldn't remember falling asleep in the first place. I groaned, my head pounding from lack of sleep and a night of too-much-thinking.
"Samantha? You up yet?" I heard my mother call from downstairs. Rolling over, I looked at the clock. It was nearly noon. And yet I felt like I hadn't slept at all.
"Yeah, Mom, I'll be down in a minute," I yelled back, then rolled over again. I couldn't live like this. I wanted to just go back to sleep, lose my mind in dreams, not worry about anything ever again. But, I knew that I had to get up, be myself, be happy, move on. This is not a rehearsal, I thought to myself, another one of Becky's bumper-sticker-mottos.
I took a deep breath and jumped out of bed, then quickly did some jumping-jacks and ran in place for about a minute. I figured the best way to shake off my doldrums was to literally shake them off, and in a few minutes I was feeling (pretty much) good-as-new.
I bounced down the stairs, knowing that breakfast was long over and that I'd have to prepare something for myself.
"Well, there she is, our little sleepyhead," Dad said when I almost ran into him rounding the corner to the kitchen.
"Hi, Dad!" I said, pushing past him, food the only thing on my mind. I'd barely eaten anything the day before, too wrapped up in my thoughts, and was starving. I immediately pulled the peanut butter out of the cupboard and grabbed two slices of bread from the fridge. PB&J was my go-to snack.
"Don't fill up, now, we're grilling this afternoon!" Dad said from the hall as he watched me spread the peanut butter over the bread. Perfect, I thought, a day relaxing by the pool and eating hamburgers with my parents. Exactly what I need!
"Don't worry, I can eat four meals in four hours. You know that," I said, taking a huge bite out of my sandwich. Dad laughed. My insatiable appetite was a running joke in our family: I was always so involved in cheerleading and sports that I could eat way more than my relatively small frame showed. I was always hungry.
"This is true, my dear," Dad said, shaking his head as he watched me finish the sandwich in five huge bites. "Man, I don't know where you put it all."
"Well, talking burns a lot of calories," I said playfully. That was the other running joke in my family: my 5-miles-per-hour mouth.
"Okay, well, I'm going to fire up the grill in an hour or so. Do you want to invite Becky and Alicia over, or have you had enough girl time for one summer?" I thought about it for a moment, and decided that I wanted today to be just about my family.
I did miss Becky and Alicia already, and knew, from their texts, that they were missing me, too, but I wanted to get back into things one step at a time: Becky and Alicia would almost certainly want to talk about me losing my virginity to Boon, and I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. It was enough just thinking about it.
"I think I'll just chill with you and Mom today," I said, trying to push thoughts of Boon away. Why couldn't I just forget him, why did he have to keep popping up, even when I was doing something as innocent as eating peanut butter and jelly and talking to my Dad?
"Okay, well, I'm gonna fire up the grill in an hour or so," Dad said, moving away. I stood in the kitchen for a moment longer, listening to the clock tick, trying to ground myself in the room. This is my kitchen. This is my life. This is where I live.
An hour later, I was lounging by the pool, smelling hamburgers on the grill, not a care in the world. I had my phone with me, obviously, and was lazily texting with Alicia about getting Thai food the next day. When my phone buzzed, I expected a text from Alicia confirming that she would be at the restaurant at two the next day.
Which is why I just about had a heart attack and nearly imploded my own stomach when I saw that the text was from an unknown number, the same number Boon had texted me from in Vegas, the same number that I still hadn't had the heart to save in my phone as his …
Tag, you're it, the text read. Attached was a photo. With shaking fingers, I tapped the link. The photo that popped up made my head spin. It was a photo of my house. The very house that I was currently lounging behind.
How did he find me? Why did he find me? What … my mind was spinning. He must be joking, I thought. Not only did I not know how he could have possibly found my house, I also didn't know whether or not the picture was real or just a joke, a picture taken from Google Maps or something.
My heart pounded in my throat as I sent back the only text I could think of: ???
The seconds seemed to pass like months as I waited for a response. When my phone buzzed again, I jumped out of the chair like I'd been bit by a snake.
"Woah nelly, what's wrong with you? Someone post a picture of their engagement ring?" Mom said, watching me as I shook in my flip-flops.
"I … I … uh … hold on … " I said, my brain working at half capacity. Without answering my parent's puzzled looks, I rushed around the side of the house, not even caring about how much I would be showing the neighbors in my bikini. I didn't take my eyes off my phone until I reached the front of my house. Then, slowly, I lifted my gaze.
And there he was. In all his muscled, tattooed, masculine glory. Boon. On his bike. Helmet in the crook of his arm, white teeth gleaming in the sun, blonde hair bouncing rays of sunlight, a picture-perfect moment. My heart was full. My jaw dropped. I giggled like a schoolgirl. I can't ever remember being happier in my entire life. I looked down at my phone.
Come and see, the text read.
14
I remember the feel of the hot cement and street against my bare feet. I remember the glare of the sun off Boon's helmet. I remember the heat of his leather jacket, the smell of his sweat, his stubble scratching my chin as we kissed. I remember, I remember, I remember.
And I remember my parents' shocked faces when I turned around and saw they had followed me to meet Boon. I remember my mother's bemused my look, my father's narrowed eyes and sneer. I remember my father suddenly disappearing into the house as my mother laughed at me. I remember turning back to Boon, apologizing.