"You get everything you want. How is that compromise?"
"I'm buying you new clothes that I don't think you need," he said, grinning. "I'm wasting money on your delusion. You're welcome."
Laughing, I finished my soda and then stood up. "I'll think about it."
"And say yes when I take you home later."
Two hours later, I did say yes, only because I was tired as hell. Schoolwork was piling up quickly, and I needed time to study. As we reached the parking lot, Cooper was humming with happiness when I slid on behind him. Literally humming like a happy child who received good news from Santa. He was humming the whole drive to my apartment. After a private shower even though I knew Cooper wanted to join me, I returned to my bedroom to find him exploring my dresser drawers.
"What are you doing?" I asked as casually as I could muster.
"Looking to see if you're on the pill."
"I told you I get those shots."
"Yeah, but I was hoping you were lying so I could find your pills, switch them out with Tic Tacs, and keep you with me forever."
"First of all, Coop, I'd know they were Tic Tacs. Secondly, if you want to keep me forever, just treat me well, and I'll stay with you. Wouldn't that be better than having a baby we're not ready for?"
Cooper grinned. "My girl is so smart and rational."
"You weren't really looking for my birth control, were you?" I asked, sitting on the bed.
"Yeah. The last day was the worst of my life and don't you dare point out how I've had an easy life."
"I'll just think it then."
Cooper glanced out of the curtains and then back at me. "You need a TV in your room."
"I'm saving up for one."
Cooper grinned. "Foot massage time."
"We could go into the living room and watch TV while you service me."
"I thought maybe I'd stay the night, and a relaxing foot massage might put you in the mood for makeup loving."
Looking around, I wasn't sure I wanted to feel him inside me. On the other hand, I really wanted to kiss and hold him, and that would lead to sex.
"Okay."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"I want you to be honest," Cooper said, looking rather grumpy.
"I am."
"It breaks my fucking heart when you cry while I'm enjoying myself. Do you understand?"
"I can't promise I won't cry. It's a reflex."
"I'm not the guy who hurt you."
"I know."
"Maybe we should just hang out and mess around and keep it casual."
Frowning, I rested back on the bed and wiggled my feet at him. "I want to do what you said earlier."
"You can't even say it."
Crossing my arms, I frowned harder. "I heard these girls in class talking about how great sex was and I felt jealous. I want to be like everyone else and enjoy stuff like they do. I can't do that if I don't practice. It's like everything else. I just need to learn how to do it."
"So you want me to climb on you and fuck you while you cry?" he said, and I felt my eyes burning. "You can't know how it feels to watch you cry like that."
"No, but if you want me ever to learn to enjoy it, you'll have to keep trying. If you want to give up, that's fine, but I can't learn to like it if I don't practice."
Cooper sat at the end of the bed and took a foot in his strong hands. "Is it that you think I'm going to hurt you like that guy did?"
Lifting myself up onto my elbows, I stared hard at him. "We don't talk about those things in my family. We don't say the words and I'm not talking about that."
"I just want to understand how to make you feel good too. I hate taking from you and watching you cry and waiting for it to be over."
"I told you. It's a reflex. My body reacts, and I cry. I know it's you and I love you, and I want you, but my body reacts. Talking about this is making me tense."
"We don't have to talk about it then. I need you to be comfortable with us being together, though."
"Be close with me then. The more you are, the better it feels. Like when we first tried, even when I was drunk, it hurt because I tensed up. It got easier last weekend at your house. I still cried and got scared, but it didn't hurt. I want to have sex like everyone else. I want to learn, but there's only one way, and that's through practice."
Cooper nodded as his thumbs pressed deep against my aching arch. I cried out, sounding somewhere between horny and in pain. Cooper just smiled and kept working at my feet as I watched him. After a few minutes, I was incredibly relaxed. I was also missing the feel of him against me.
I whispered, "I love you."
Cooper lifted my foot and kissed it as his warm gaze held mine. Smiling at him, I opened my robe to show nothing underneath.
"Hell," Cooper muttered.
"Your sister said my only good feature is my lips. Is that true and don't lie because you want sex? We're having sex no matter what you say."
Cooper didn't even look at me as he moved his kisses from my foot to my calf. He only paused to pull off his tee and toss it on the floor.
"You're so gorgeous I have to beat up guys constantly to keep them away from you."
"Is that true?"
"Uh-huh," he murmured as he kissed my inner thigh.
"You shouldn't beat up anyone over me."
"Sure, whatever," he said, kissing higher on my thigh.
"I don't like that," I yelped as his lips moved between my legs. "I don't want that."
"It'll feel good," he said, looking at me with a gentle gaze. "It'll relax you too. Girls really like it. Trust me."
"I don't want that," I said again, fighting the urge to close my robe and have him leave.
"Fair enough," he said, crawling up to kiss my stomach.
Realizing he stopped and wasn't angry, I let out a long sigh. Glancing up at me, Cooper licked at my belly button and then left a trail of affection all the way to the soft underside of my breast. A breath caught in my throat as I waited for the fun stuff. A grinning Cooper sucked my nipple into his mouth.
"I like this," I announced like a dork, but I wanted him to know it wasn't all bad, and I could loosen up eventually.
"We can make each other happy, Farah," Cooper said, lying between my legs and swinging his feet like a kid. His expression was tender as he teased my nipples. "I know you're mine. If you let me start over, we can be so fucking happy that all the shit that came before will be no more than a bad dream."
"I'm afraid to love you too much."
"It's normal to be scared when you grew up in a shitty way. I bet you spent most of your life worrying that anything nice might get stolen away. With me, with what we have, it's probably scary. For me, though, losing you is the only thing that scares the shit out of me. I need to make you happy so you'll stay, and I can be happy."
As my fingers caressed the soft prickles of his shaved hair, I thought about how much Cooper needed me. How he didn't forget I existed or moved on the second I wasn't there. He really seemed to love me. I hadn't believed it, but there was no other reason he would have freaked out.
"Have you ever been dumped before?" I asked as Cooper snuggled his face between my breasts.
"What do you mean by dumped?" he mumbled, glancing up at me. "Like what you did yesterday?"
"I guess."
"Maybe. When chicks blow me off, I don't usually care. I'm just about nailing them. Once I have, whatever happens, happens." Cooper paused and his gaze met mine. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that you're special?"
"A million? Possibly more."
Cooper grinned at my tone. "Fair enough. Now stop interrupting my reunion with the girls."
Starting to laugh until his tongue slathered love on my right nipple, I groaned instead. Cooper smiled, taking his time at getting reacquainted with my body. By the time he was inside me, I was as relaxed as I could be after a long stressful day. Even later when the neighbors were loud, and I was startled awake, everything felt better because I had Cooper with me. He was still mine, and I needed to find a way to keep him.
Chapter Eighteen
The next few days, Cooper and I fell into an easy routine. I was usually at his house where we'd eat breakfast with the family before heading to school. Our schedules didn't mesh well, so I barely saw him during the day. Cooper typically ran by and kissed the shit out of me during his lunch time. My lunch period was later, so I was missing part of a class to make out with Cooper. The instructor acted as if this behavior was all very natural even though another student was grilled after he walked out of class one day. Life was good for a Johansson in Ellsberg.
Cooper was so relaxed those next few days. I tried to relax too, but life taught me to treasure every moment because the good ones never lasted. When I was at work, Cooper hung around, talking to me and doing his schoolwork. Every night, we returned to his place where I received a much-appreciated foot massage, followed by all of the sexual need he built up over the day. We sometimes didn't sleep until after midnight.