When Nick smiled at me, it wasn't like how Cooper did. Nothing overtly sexual or teasing, he was just friendly. If he still liked me, he wasn't obvious about it. While I found Nick attractive, I was hooked on Cooper. My whole body hummed whenever I thought of the sexy jerk. If I thought about him for too long, I would smile randomly like an idiot for everyone to see.
By the time Spanish class arrived, I could barely wait to see Cooper. Yet a little part of me worried he might be cold. What if he lost interest overnight or met someone else? Even knowing this was unlikely, I worried I'd lose Cooper now that I needed him so much.
Standing at the front of the class, I talked with Nick, who sat in his seat. Cooper was usually one of the last people to arrive, and I didn't want to sit in the back without him. The stoner and sleeping guy were grumpy and hated when anyone approached them. Cooper could because he was fucking scary.
When Nick dropped his pencil and managed to kick it halfway across the class, the look on his face sent me into hysterics. This was the moment Cooper chose to enter the room. This was also the moment I understood our honeymoon phase was over.
"What's so fucking funny?" he muttered.
It had been a great day. A great last few days but all of my joy and confidence disappeared.
"He dropped his pencil."
Cooper rolled his eyes and then took me by the back of the neck and pulled me closer for a really inappropriate kiss in front of the whole class. As a few girls giggled and a guy whistled, I just waited for it to be over.
After letting me go, Cooper pulled me to the back of the room and yanked a chair closer to his. Finally, he sat down and patted hard on it for me to sit down.
"Why are you always fucking hanging around him?" Cooper loudly whispered once I sat down.
"He's in a few of my classes, and he's helping me study."
"I'll help you study. I'm a hell of a lot fucking smarter than that piece of shit."
Cooper spoke so loudly that people outside the room likely heard him. Wanting to disappear inside myself, I thought to distract him.
"I missed you," I said, giving him the best smile I could manage.
"Didn't seem like it when I arrived."
"Why do you care so much about Nick?" I whispered. "He's just a guy who wants to be a teacher. Besides being freshmen, that's all we have in common. I really like you, but you're scaring me."
Placing my hand on his forearm, I hoped to settle Cooper down and have him focus on me. Instead, he glared at Nick, who did his best to ignore him. Unsure what to do, I lifted my hand to return it to my lap. Cooper grabbed my hand and replaced it on his arm. Staring at him, I felt like nothing I remembered from the weekend was real. He might have even only liked me out of a weird competitiveness with Nick.
When Manuel entered the room, everyone breathed again except for Cooper and me. I sat with my head down, and my hand stuck on his arm. Cooper dug his heels into the ground, making squeaking noises as his boots met the linoleum.
"Why him?" he growled in my ear.
There was nothing to say. Nick was a nice guy, but I'd fallen for Cooper. I even imagined a future for us, but I wasn't sure I wanted him anymore.
Cooper let go of my hand and crossed his arms angrily. He sat like that for the entire class while everyone ignored us. I didn't pay attention to the instructor. I could only fight the urge to bawl and run away. Why did Cooper have to ruin everything?
When class was almost over, Cooper leaned towards me and spoke quietly. His voice lacked much of the earlier heat, but his gaze was again on the back of Nick's head.
"Tell me you're my girl and I'll let this go."
"I was yours, but not anymore."
Cooper glared harder at Nick. "If he takes you from me, I'll kill him. I'm not kidding."
Leaning away from him, I packed my books. "Don't worry about it. I'm done dating for a long time. Men are assholes."
As soon as Manuel said we could leave, I bolted out of my chair and ran to the door. I needed away from Cooper. I didn't want to see Nick either because I felt guilty for drawing attention to him. Crying, I hoped to get to my bus, go home, and hide for a while before work.
Feeling his gaze on me, I knew Cooper was following, and I couldn't outrun him. The people around me backed off and walked away, unwilling to get sucked into the upcoming drama. At that moment, I accepted how I was completely on my own in Ellsberg. Grown men, instructors, and even a security guard walked away, leaving me alone on the grassy quad with Cooper.
Turning towards him, I clenched my hands into fists. My fight or flight kicking in, I realized flight was no longer an option. Staring up at Cooper, I saw his expression shift from anger to surprise and then he looked a little panicked.
"It's okay," he said softly. "Don't cry."
"Leave me alone."
"I just want to talk."
"Fuck you," I muttered through clenched teeth. "I made myself think you were this great guy and I missed you all day and then you showed up and embarrassed me. You treated me like a piece of trash in front of everyone. You threatened Nick, who's never been anything except nice to me. You're acting like a psycho."
Knowing the words were harsh, I'd likely sealed my fate. Yet I expected to be hurt anyway. I could imagine a slow painful death after Cooper was done playing with me. People wouldn't care or mention I existed. Tawny would sit alone in a motel room, waiting day after day for me to call.
"Farah," Cooper began, his movements careful, "don't be scared."
"Leave me alone. I want to go home."
"Let me drive you."
Shaking my head, I backed away when he stepped forward. Cooper sighed and reached out to caress my wet cheeks.
"I'm so crazy about you," he whispered in a pained voice. "I hate how our schedules don't match up except for this fucking class. I waited all day to see you too and then some asshole asked if you and I broke up because he saw you hanging out with another guy. I ignored his bullshit, but then I saw you with that piece of shit, and I freaked, okay?"
"Not okay. Nick is helping me get caught up because I'm falling behind in class. Even if he liked me, he knew I was dating you, and he's scared of you like everyone else."
"Including you?" Cooper asked, reaching out to gently unclench my hands. "I acted like a jackass in class, but I'm not going to hurt you."
"You did," I said, yanking my hands away as more tears broke forward. "You embarrassed me. I don't want everyone looking at me and laughing. People think I'm just some slut you're fucking. Like I'm nothing."
Stepping closer, Cooper used his thumb to caress away a little of the wetness on my cheeks. "That's not what they think. They think I'm an asshole, and you're my hot girlfriend."
"It's not funny."
"I'm not being funny. I'm an ass for acting like that. I looked insecure and stupid. They're judging me, not you."
Between his calm tone and gentle touch, I settled down a little. Did I even have a choice? Could I tell Cooper goodbye and he'd move on? I wasn't even sure I wanted to tell him goodbye. I'd spent all of Sunday and most of Monday thinking about how he might be mine. Now I was confused.
"Let me drive you home," he said, trying to hug me but I jerked away. "People are still around, and I embarrassed you earlier. Let's talk in private."
"You're trying to manipulate me."
Staring up at the sky, Cooper sighed. "When I saw you with that douche, I lost track of what I wanted. I got so focused on keeping him away from you that I forgot to make sure you were happy." Returning his gaze to my face, he sighed again. "I'm floundering here, but I need you to give me another chance. I let my temper get away from me. I know that, and I'm not someone who freaks out a lot. It won't happen again."
"Ever?"
Cooper grinned. "I'll be a perfect angel from this moment on."
"I feel like I should stay mad at you. Like I'd be encouraging bad behavior by forgiving you."
"You're thinking about this all wrong," Cooper said, turning me around to face the parking lot. We walked to his Harley, and then he smiled. "You did nothing wrong today. You were perfect. Why should you miss out on a ride home? Why not let the asshole get you a decent meal? Why not have the piece of shit kiss your neck when we both know you love that? Why not even have him help you study because he deserves to be really bored?"
Smiling despite my better judgment, I hitched up my backpack. "It's true I would benefit from forgiving you. I still think you should suffer for being such an asshole. You acted like Tucker back there."
"Hey, now that's a bit harsh, don't you think?" he muttered, faking like he was angry, but I saw through his bullshit. "I've never been jealous like that before. Apparently, I need to build up a little resistance, so I don't lose my shit every time a guy enters my territory."
"I'm not territory."
"But you're mine," Cooper said, leaning down to kiss me.
I kept the kiss brief. My hands were still shaking from earlier, and I knew my makeup had likely smeared from crying. I wasn't letting Cooper's psycho behavior in class fade away just because he wasn't pissed anymore.