"I'll have another dinner later."
My heart jumped, and I spoke without thinking. "You're going on another date tonight?"
Cooper lost his smile and glanced around the restaurant. Twisting his lips, he finally settled into a grim frown. "You said you felt it too. I thought you understood, but you think I'm going on another fucking date?"
Cooper's voice was no more than an angry whisper, but other customers glanced in our direction. Lowering my gaze, I didn't know how to answer.
"I'm sorry," I finally said. "Can I still have your dessert?"
Sighing, Cooper pushed the plate to my side of the table. "If it's just me, you should tell me. I don't want to be a fool."
"I told you I felt it too," I replied in a quiet voice, avoiding his gaze.
"Like I said, chicks lie."
"So do guys. I'm afraid I'll be a fool believing you like me so much."
Cooper eased back into his chair, and the rigidness left his jaw. "I'll let it go because I know you have issues. I just don't want you pretending because it's real for me."
"I didn't mean to act like it wasn't for me. I'm just not used to attention from guys, and you're not an average guy. I feel like it's a joke for you to like me."
Cooper's dark eyes studied me and then a little more irritation left his face. "You have those walls up and that's why guys don't make a move. When you're too tired, the walls come down a little. Like the night at the party when guys were making moves. Even with you wearing that uniform, they wanted you. I think deep inside you know they do, but you like to pretend you're undesirable. It makes you feel safe."
"Safe from what?" I asked, fearing his answer.
"You're alone here. Vulnerable. You need to feel in control because you aren't in control. When Bailey feels out of her league, she gets loud and rude. You just shut down and put up all those walls. You can't know how hot you were when you let one of the walls come down and told me about your dream to be a teacher. I'd never seen anything more beautiful."
Swallowing hard, I couldn't respond. Wouldn't respond with a trite thank you or I like you too. I just remained silent and ate the cannoli and hoped we could kiss later. I couldn't believe I wanted to feel him against me, but I craved the closeness he promised. I also believed he wouldn't push too far. He was waiting now. No matter his talk of tight jeans and medical attention, Cooper would wait.
"I'm glad I couldn't go into your parents' house the other day," I said as a lame way to admit how much I enjoyed myself.
"Sometimes when Bailey lies, magic happens."
"I ate way too much."
"But it was good."
"It was great," I said and then took a deep breath to build up my courage. "My mom won't be home for a while. We could sit and watch TV and do the heavy petting you mentioned."
Cooper stared at me expressionless. Finally, he shivered. "Took all of my self-control not to throw you over my shoulder and run back to your apartment. I'm good now, though."
Smiling, I finished my drink. "Whenever you're ready, I am."
"Girl, you know just the right things to say."
Cooper paid the check and soon we were back in the hot evening. He wrapped an arm around me as we walked to his truck and I inched closer, so I was right next to him. Even without looking, I knew he liked that gesture. His breathing came out unsteady like he was fighting for control. Once we were in the truck, he lost it.
I might have panicked at the suddenness of his kiss and how I was immediately wrapped in his strong arms. Despite his need, Cooper was gentle and I relaxed into the embrace. I understood him better now. At least, I hoped I did and wasn't lying to myself because he was so beautiful.
Cooper's strong hands were in my hair, pulling me closer. His passion should have overwhelmed me, but something changed in the restaurant. I felt like he knew me and this gave me power. Bravely, I wrapped my arms around him.
Moaning into my mouth, Cooper deepened the kiss. The hunger behind them intensified until my bravery felt insufficient. He wouldn't stop, and I wasn't ready for him to take it all. He knew me, and I had power, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't in the now with Cooper, but back to being Farah Smith.
Fear shot through me, and I tried to break free. Cooper knew I wanted him to let go. He felt my hands wedged between us, pushing him off, but he didn't stop. Not right away. His kisses softened, but he didn't let me go for another few minutes until I was nearly clawing at him to stop.
There was a moment right then between us when I wanted to jump out of the truck and run away. His gaze challenged me, and I knew Cooper wasn't teasing or horny. He was claiming me and my desires weren't even on his radar. Now we were on his timetable, not mine.
Instead of running away, I put on my seatbelt and stared out the window. Cooper started the car, turned up the radio, and let it sink in how he was in charge. I'd shown him how important he was to me so he wouldn't beg. Didn't have to beg when I needed him more than he needed me.
Fuck him!
His friends, money, and affection were shit next to my dreams. I didn't need him. I needed to be a teacher. I needed my sister. Being fucked by this asshole wasn't even in the top hundred things I needed.
Arriving at my apartment, Cooper looked for a spot to park, but I undid my seatbelt once we reached the entrance.
"I had fun tonight. I'll see you at school."
"Fuck," he said, grabbing my arm before I jumped out of the still-moving car. "You're nuts."
"You're an asshole."
"Yeah, but I'd rather be an asshole than a crazy bitch."
Cooper was right. I did need him because the moment he called me a crazy bitch all of my confidence was gone. With those few words and his dismissive expression, I felt like nothing. Of course, he would hurt me. It was what guys like him did.
One of those silent moments passed where we just stared at each other. Cooper released my wrist and put the car into park. He didn't turn it off, though.
"Tonight was fun. I'll pick you up tomorrow to go swimming."
Cooper offered a truce. A deal where I got out of the heavy petting with him, but I still had to come to his house and run around half naked. I assumed this would lead to heavy petting. He'd just have to wait a day for it.
"What time?" I said, feeling defeated and desperate to call Tawny.
"Is ten too early?"
Shaking my head, I opened the door. "Thank you for dinner."
"No goodbye kiss?" he muttered.
"You got it back in the parking lot," I said, slamming the door.
When I heard Cooper pummeling the steering wheel, I couldn't help smiling. I might need him, but I wouldn't give him whatever he wanted. Or maybe I would just fuck him and get him away from me? Why was I wasting so much time pretending like he and I would be together when his needs were all in his pants?
Once in my apartment, I decided I would sleep with Cooper that weekend. Get it over with and then he could dump me, and I'd move on with my life and focus on what mattered. Soon, I told my plan to Tawny.
"What if you're so good at it that he won't dump you?" Tawny asked as we watched Paula Deen on TV.
Laughing, I nearly dropped the phone. "Yeah, that'll happen."
"You never know."
"You should see this guy. He's the stud of the campus. He just needs to nail all of the freshman girls so he can say he's ruined them for everyone else. He thinks he's got mad skills."
"What kind of skills?"
"I don't know. I'm afraid to ask. I'm assuming just sex stuff."
"Ew. Yeah, I wouldn't ask either," Tawny teased. "So you got to eat Italian?"
"Yeah, it was delicious and not super expensive. Well, with salads and desserts it was. If we just ordered the pasta and water, we could afford it occasionally."
"Cool. I can't wait until I move there."
"Me either. Everything will be better once you're here."
"I know this guy, and those fake friends make you feel weird, but you should enjoy their attention while it lasts. Soon you won't need them, but right now, you're alone. Might as well hang out with people."
"True."
"Plus, we love swimming. Just think about that and not how Cooper is an ass."
"True again."
"Are you really going to have sex with him tomorrow?"
"I'm going to try. If he's too mean, I probably won't go through with it. If he's half decent, I will so he'll leave me alone."
"What's so bad about the free food and stuff?" When I didn't answer, Tawny sighed. "I know it'll hurt when he dumps you, but you're strong and beautiful. Other guys will like you and one of them won't dump you."
"This is why I miss you. No one else understands, and you always say the right things."
"I'll work hard when I move there," Tawny said, sounding very young suddenly. "I'll work two jobs to help pay for things. We can get a one bedroom and I can sleep on the couch or the floor. I don't care. I won't complain."
"It's okay, Tawny," I said softly, trying to soothe her panic. "You're the most important person to me, and I need you here. We'll make it work. Even if we end up living in a motel for a while, it'll be fine as long as we're together."