“Yeah, I can fucking guess,” Erik said.
“Brad offered to pay me on the side to get involved. I enjoyed the work. It made me feel like I had a purpose. He told me that if I did just one more thing… he would pull me from being undercover and give me an actual position. Full pay, benefits, recognition. All that bullshit.”
“When did you first fuck him?”
“After someone I got close to was killed,” Kaity admitted. “There was a young woman who was hooked on drugs. I tried to save her and had her convinced to get into rehab. So the night of the big bust, we were supposed to save her. Her dealer shot and killed her, fingering her as a rat.”
“But you were the rat,” Erik said.
“Yeah. I carry that guilt everyday.”
“And you just let this guy fuck you?”
“It wasn’t like that. Brad shot and killed two men that night. We ended up at a bar and then at his place.”
“How long?”
“The sex?” Kaity smiled.
Erik wasn't buying it. His hand started to slide near her throat, a silent warning not to fuck around right now.
“It was a long time, okay? There were times he threatened me. He never actually abused me. But he fucked with me. He would bring me in close and then push me away. I found out he had other women in his life but convinced myself it didn’t matter because he made me feel like I was the most important. The jobs got more and more dangerous and the promises got bigger. Then we were wrapped up in a big drug and gun ring. I was playing the part of a broken woman, how fitting for me. Brad was undercover too, which made no sense. By the time it was all said and done, Brad ended up shot and killed. The bust was fucked up and that was it.”
Katey hung her head, still hiding the darkest truth.
“Fucked up?” Erik asked. He touched Kaity’s face.
“It was fucked up. The bust. Everything went crazy and I ended up standing behind Brad. I had a gun in my hand… he turned and saw me, smiling. I could see it in his eyes that he was going to kill me. Kill me and I’d end up as some woman dead. No name. No story.”
“Oh, shit,” Erik whispered.
Kaity nodded. “So I shot first. I killed him. I killed Brad.”
Kaity’s body shook. She never spoke those words before. She never confessed to anyone what really happened that night.
“Damn, baby,” Erik said. “That’s okay. You took care of yourself.”
“I did,” Kaity said. “But the memory… I think he’s coming for me still.”
“He won’t. Dead is dead, baby. What happened with the police department?”
“That’s when I found out I had no ties to the police department. Brad never mentioned me. There was no formal paperwork. I was just some woman. The only thing I was given was a few bucks by another detective and told to go away. So I did.”
“And the nightmares?”
“He made it very clear that if that last bust went wrong, he would hurt me. Somewhere in my mind I keep thinking he’s bigger than death. By the time I killed him, Brad had a serious drinking problem. I try to blame that for his death, but it was me. I pulled the trigger. I saw the moment and seized it.”
“But you didn’t,” Erik said. “You were tough undercover, right?”
“No. It’s not like that. Fuck, Erik, I have nothing to do with anything. I’ve been on the run since. I keep thinking he’s coming to kill me. I fucked up my car… because I parked in a used car lot and someone saw me. I drove away as the guy ran after me and I almost crashed the car. I didn’t plan to come here, yet here I am.”
“I didn’t plan for it either,” Erik said. “And here you are.”
Kaity leaned back and felt numb. She missed her car. She missed the open road. She stared at Erik and could sense the hate and pain in his eyes.
“If it means anything, I hate myself too,” Kaity whispered. “I wish I could die. I fear death only because I think it will allow Brad to get to me. Is that fucked up?”
“Yeah, it is,” Erik whispered. “Very fucked up.”
Kaity touched Erik’s hand. Her fingers tightened and she pulled. Erik’s hand moved. Reliving those old demons made Kaity's stomach churn. She took Erik’s hand and placed it to her chest.
“What the fuck…”
“Don’t talk,” Kaity whispered. “Just… do…”
Kaity put her head back and felt Erik’s hand squeeze her. She hurried to move her legs, opening them. Her jeans suddenly felt constricting. Her moist panties clung to her. When Kaity looked at Erik again he was coming at her. She fell back to the bed again, her mouth open, waiting. When she felt Erik’s hot breath on her neck, she moaned. His lips touched, once, twice, then were gone.