Shade watched me, his face a pale mask.
“You aren’t just bound to obey him, are you? You’re bound to do him no harm, and probably to protect him as well from any permanent damage, because if there were such an easy loophole you would have used it against him. Am I right?”
After a moment, Shade nodded, and now there was clear anger on his face.
“Good.” I could feel my heartbeat speeding up with each breath. “I want you to bring me the knife that he took away from me, or I swear by the river Styx that I will claw out first his eyes and then my own.”
He made an abortive half movement, then stared at me.
“I will not harm him with the knife,” I said. “But if you don’t bring it, I will fulfill my oath, and it will be your fault for making me.”
“. . . I don’t believe you,” he whispered.
I shrugged. “Or maybe I won’t. Then I’ll be forsworn, and you know how the gods treat oath breakers.”
He stared at me another moment, then vanished abruptly. I looked down at Ignifex. My heart ran as fast and cold as a snowmelt river. If I had misjudged Shade—or Ignifex—
But a few moments later, Shade returned with the knife clenched in his hand.
“Thank you,” I said, holding out a hand. “I have a plan. I promise.”
Shade stayed just out of reach, watching me with his bright blue eyes, set in his colorless reflection of Ignifex’s face—but again, as in the Heart of Water, he looked like the original, the one that mattered. The only one I should love. I wished the darkness could devour me so I would be hidden from his gaze.
“I think,” I said desperately, “it’s the only way to save us all.”
Shade nodded slowly, as if accepting an inevitable doom. “Everything you give him, he will use against you,” he said. “Do what you must. But don’t trust him.”
I swallowed. “I don’t.”
“Don’t pity him.”
My heart thumped painfully; I was acutely aware of his warm weight on my lap.
“I won’t,” I said, because I had always been able to hate everyone.
He held out the knife; as I took it, he leaned forward and kissed me, quickly but fiercely. “Don’t let him hurt you,” he said, and vanished.
The kiss burned on my lips. Even after I had saved his captor and made him help, Shade still worried about my safety. Still loved me. And I still loved him too, if I could dare to call this selfish feeling love.
But kissing him with Ignifex’s head resting in my lap, his eyes closed in trust—or madness, which seemed just as likely—made guilt crawl under my skin like worms.
My hand clenched on the knife. Only one thing mattered. I had to remember that at all costs.
When Ignifex’s eyes opened the next morning, I had the knife at his throat.
“Good morning, husband,” I said pleasantly, though my whole body hummed with the cold, droning song of fear. “Would you like to learn your name?”
I felt his body tense, but his face remained impressively calm.
“Yes,” I added. “It’s the virgin knife and you’ve neglected to do anything about my virgin hands, so I could kill you right now.”
But my virgin hands were shaking. I didn’t know I could kill him; I had only guessed, because of how quickly he always took the knife away from me. In a moment I might know that I was right, that against all odds, the lie my family had told to Astraia was absolute truth.
Or in a moment he might laugh, take the knife away, and explain how I was just as helpless and deluded as on my wedding day.
He didn’t smile. “I knew I was forgetting something.”
I let out my breath very slowly. Relief didn’t feel like anything: the pent-up fear and waiting were still right there, burning through my veins, trembling in my hands.
“Tell me the truth,” I said. At least my voice was steady. “You want to be free, don’t you?”
He raised his eyebrows. “Why do I suspect you’re about to offer me a bargain?”
“It’s a pretty good one. I’ll give you the knife, and we’ll look for your name together.”
“We’re still enemies,” he said.
“Of course we are. And I’ll keep trying to defeat you, and you’ll keep trying to stop me. But in the meantime, we’ll look for your name.”
I waited. I knew what he would say next: Let me do something about those virgin hands, and we’ll have a deal. It was only logical, for obviously I could get the knife whenever I liked, and as long as I remained a virgin, I could still use it to fulfill the Rhyme.
No matter how much I desired his kisses, the thought of letting him possess me entirely was still terrifying. But I’d come here prepared to offer up that much. I couldn’t back out now.