“If you were in Caerphilly - “
“Now if I were in Caerphilly, you could forget ail about the virtual date thing, absolutely. We’d start with dinner at Luigi’s - an early dinner, because - “
“Hold that thought,” I said. “We can discuss it later; things are a little hectic right now. If you were getting arrested in Caerphilly and needed a good criminal attorney - “
“Oh, God - what have you done now?”
“What have I done?” I repeated. “What have I done? I like that!”
“I meant the collective you - as in you, your father, your brother, and the whole motley staff of Mutant Wizards, for whose mere existence I feel at least partly responsible. What have you all been doing, and who has gotten himself or herself arrested for what crime?”
“Nice recovery, but I’m not buying it,” I said. “Just tell me who you’d call if your suspicions were correct and I’d gone off the straight and narrow in your absence. I think the police are going to arrest Rob, and I don’t want him talking any more without a lawyer.”
He came up right away with the names of two attorneys he thought would be the best prospects and made me promise to call if I had news.
“And I didn’t mean that I thought you’d committed a crime,” he said. “Only that you have this absolutely charming tendency to wade in to protect your family and friends when you think they’re in trouble - “
“And sometimes the local authorities don’t like me interfering,” I said. “Yes, I know.”
“For that matter, whoever really killed this Ted guy might not like you interfering,” he said. “Be careful, will you?”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself.” And then, seeing out of the corner of my eye that someone was hovering at my elbow, I added, “Gotta run; I’ll call you later.”
“Can I help you?” I said, turning. It was Dr. Gruber, one of the therapists - although I’d learned by now that she preferred not to be called Dr. Gruber, and I still couldn’t quite bring myself to address this severe and stately woman as Lorelei. Or perhaps I couldn’t warm to her because I didn’t like the way she, at six feet, loomed over me. I was only two inches shorter, but I wasn’t all that used to being shorter than another woman, and I wasn’t at all sure I liked it.
“Not a good sign,” Dr. Lorelei said, shaking her head.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Sounds as if he’s trying to control your behavior from afar,” she said. “Not a good sign.”
“He’s not trying to control my behavior,” I said. “He’s worried about me.”
“Sometimes it takes that form,” she said, nodding. “Tell me, have you considered using this enforced separation as a time to reexamine your relationship with this… actor person? To establish appropriate boundaries?”
I blinked, somewhat taken aback. If you asked me, it was Dr. Lorelei and some of the other therapists who needed to work on the appropriate boundaries thing. Since the first day I’d met them - only two weeks ago, though it seemed rather longer - they all seemed to think me badly in need of their services. And not just therapy, but the particular species of therapy each one of them practiced. For instance, the woman who did weight management counseling, calling her business Eat Your Way Skinny, and her arch rival, a size-acceptance guru, began feuding over me the minute they saw me. Which I couldn’t help resenting; I thought I’d already reached not only a pretty acceptable weight but also a decently philosophical attitude about the fact that I would never be a willowy blonde like my mother.
And now here was Dr. Lorelei trying to shoehorn me into her couples’ therapy practice.
“I’ll think about it,” I said. I’d found that was as close as I could get to “leave me the hell alone” without triggering a discussion on why I always reacted with such hostility to their efforts to help me. “Was there something you needed?”
“Will the offices be open tomorrow?” she demanded. “We’d all like to be able to notify our patients if the offices will be closed tomorrow. Or if the police will be present; it could be extremely traumatic for some of our patients to see the police on the premises.”
“As far as I know we’ll be open tomorrow,” I said. “But I can’t guarantee police-free premises, under the circumstances, so maybe you should advise any clients who might be on the lam to skip this week’s appointment.”