But I guess we’re both in lockup, so maybe life hasn’t been kind to either of us.
“Oh, yeah,” I reply, as if I know, but she must be able to see me better than I can see her.
“Your hands are shaking. First time here?”
I look down at my hands before pressing my palms to the table. “Yeah,” I murmur, honesty spilling from my lips once more.
She hops down from the bed, away from the puddle beneath our roommate’s face, and joins me at the table.
“What’re you in for?”
“Vagrancy,” I reply with a sneer, another sob striking my chest. “I just... I ran away, and the motel was full, so I was just sleeping in my car in the parking lot. I didn’t know there was anything wrong with it!”
Her mouth goes into a line, the remnants of her lip liner still visible. Watery blue eyes and light colored lashes peer at me. “That’s a tough break, kid.”
“Why, what are you here for?”
She shrugs as if it’s nothing. “Solicitation.” She pauses, then continues without needing to, “Prostitution, I mean.”
I look away. “Oh.” My nose crinkles before I force my eyes back to hers. “Is this... is it your first time for that?”
She shakes her head and looks, for a second, so sad.
“Third time’s a charm, right sweetheart?” she says, and my heart breaks for her. I don’t know the charges or the sentence she’s facing, but I can’t imagine it’s going to be lenient.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur gently.
She shakes her head and gives me a flimsy smile. “It happens. But when you’re desperate, you take risks you wouldn’t otherwise,” she says as she raises her chin towards me. “So what has you on the run?”
“My brother...”
“The same one that you’re begging to come get you?”
I laugh, the sound pathetic and soft. “Yup.”
Her face is instantly hard, and she leans in, talking more quietly. “Has he hurt you? Laid hands on you?”
I shake my head, feeling a little sick to my stomach that anyone could ever think that about Kaiden. Despite all his hardness, despite all the things he’s done over the years, he’s never hurt me. Not like that.
I don’t even know why it bothers me so much that this stranger would think that, but it does. I feel the instant need to defend him.
“No, no. He’s... I mean, he’s my step-brother, and I’ve been living with him for a few weeks, and we just don’t... we don’t get along that great.”
"Your step-brother?" The woman looked at me with a raised brow before she simply shrugged her shoulders. "Well, family's complicated, ya? Why don't you get along?"
I sit back in my chair, and I'll be honest... I’m totally and utterly stumped as to what to tell her. I mean, I know why we don't get along, now more than ever. I know we've been pushing one another away, that we've been trying to deny this... feeling hanging between us. That we'd been needing to put time and distance and space between us, and it hasn't worked.
So how do I tell that to a woman? To a stranger? I just don't know, and I lick my lips. She's just a random person. Maybe... maybe it wouldn't be so bad just to tell her. It's not like I'm ever going to see her again, not once I get released.
"I... we want to be something to one another that we just... can't be." The words feel funny on my tongue, but it’s like this sense of relief washed over me. All my anger and rage at Kaiden, all these emotions, they simply started to calm as the weight of the words lingered in the air.
"I see," she says, tapping her fingers on the table. I don't know if it's a nervous habit or if she's just lost in thought—her expression is unreadable. "What do you two wanna be then, huh?"
I swallow, and I can't meet her eyes anymore. I'm too scared of what might be reflected back at me.
"Something…more." I manage. Something so much more. I want to be his. I want to be one of those women that he makes moan and cry his name. I want to feel my body wrapped around him, lost to his muscles, lost to his mouth.
I want to feel his hard body pressing up against mine as he claims me for my own. I shake my head free of the thoughts. It's not an appropriate time for fantasizing about him, to say the least. But at least the thoughts take me away from the jail for a few seconds.
When I look at her again, I see how intensely she's been staring at me, those clear eyes looking through to my soul. It sends a shiver down my spine, and I just give her an apologetic smile.
"Sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this," I say and she shakes her head.
"It's not so bad, being in love," she assures me, and my heart’s racing. I'd never thought of it like that. I've always denied that that was the word for what I feel.