Her foot stilled. “While I understand what you mean, and it may well be true, I don’t think that’s the whole story. Start from the beginning. Something like, once upon a time, this is what happened.”
How could she be so blasé about what he’d just said? Apparently she wanted it spelled out. Logan pushed her foot off his leg. Although he wanted to look away, he kept his gaze on her, waiting to see her disgust, waiting for the moment when he would know he’d lost her forever.
“Once upon a time, this is what happened. I woke up to find my mother’s mouth on me.”
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m liking your mother less and less.”
What the hell was wrong with her? “Do you not understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes, I do, and that was a horrible thing for her to do.”
She didn’t get it. “I had a hard-on,” he snarled. “I was turned on by my mother’s mouth wrapped around my cock.” He couldn’t put it any plainer than that.
She would get up and leave now, and letting her go would be the best thing he could do for her. Drained and embarrassed, Logan exhaled and fell back against his chair. Unable to bear watching her walk out, he closed his eyes.
Tomorrow, he would send her home with Buchanan after all. Making love to her should never have happened, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret the night. It was everything he’d imagined, and everything beyond imaginable. Because of his training, his memory was highly developed, and every touch, every sigh, the very moment she’d shattered in his arms were imprinted in his mind forever. At least he had that.
“How old were you?” she asked softly.
He opened his eyes. She hadn’t left? “I’m done talking about it.”
“How old were you, Logan?”
A sigh escaped him. The woman could be relentless when she made up her mind to be. “Fifteen.”
“And you awoke to someone giving you a blow job?”
“Didn’t you hear what I said? It wasn’t just someone, it was my fucking mother.”
“But you didn’t know that at first. There isn’t a fifteen-year-old boy on this planet who wouldn’t wake up with a hard-on under those circumstances. What did you do when you realized what was happening?”
Jeez? That was the extent of her reaction? “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Why she hadn’t fled to her room and locked her door, he didn’t know, but when she held out her hand, he grasped it, holding on for dear life.
“No, I’m not. What did you do?”
“In my haste to get away, I fell out of the bed and broke my nose on the nightstand.”
“So other than a bump on your nose, what’s your problem?”
He couldn’t help it, he laughed. With it came an easing of the two-ton weight on his chest. “I think you’re daft. Why doesn’t this disgust you?”
The look she turned on him was fierce. “Oh, trust me, it does, but my revulsion is directed at your mother. What she did was sexual abuse of her son. That is in all ways despicable and inexcusable, but Logan, listen well because this is the most important thing I can say and what you need to believe. A child is never to blame.” She squeezed his hand. “Not ever. You did nothing wrong, so stop thinking you’re some kind of sordid monster.”
“I can still hear her words as I crawled toward the door, trying to get away. She . . . she said, ‘I’m sorry, baby. I wasn’t trying to kill you. I just need a good fuck.’ I always thought I’d done something to deserve her attention turning on me. I just couldn’t figure out what.” He sank back against the chaise, wondering if he was having a heart attack. He’d never thought to, wanted to, or planned to confess his dirtiest secret.
“Oh God. I said almost the same words to you. No wonder you were so upset. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Dani reached across the small table and placed her hand over his heart. “This heart of yours is pure, and you did nothing to deserve what she did to you. But, Logan, my words were the kind of play that happens between a man and woman attracted to each other. There’s a damned big difference in me saying them and your mother saying them. You get that, right?”
Not until now, he hadn’t. He’d lived with his shame for so long, he didn’t think it would be that easy to let it go. It wouldn’t go away overnight, he knew that, but for the first time, he thought there was enough light for him to find his way out of the tunnel. What could he possibly say that would tell her how much her words meant?
“I’m curious about something. How soon after that happened did the beach party take place?” she asked.