“No, but our intel was wrong. We all had a bad feeling about the mission. I should have refused the orders.”
“Sure, and that’s easy to say with hindsight. Every one of you knew and accepted that your next mission might be your last. Think about it this way: if you had refused, you would have been taken off the team and they would have gone in without you, right?”
He nodded.
“Who knows what would have happened then. You might have lost them all.”
Well hell, he’d never thought of it that way. Because he’d carried the guilt of loving Dani for so long, he gave it one last try. “But you taught me not to covet another man’s wife. I tried not to. God, I tried.”
“I’m not going to tell you it was all right to feel that way about her when your friend was alive, but hearts have a way of doing as they please no matter how much we might wish otherwise. The thing is, you never acted on it, and for that, I’m proud of you. Did she love him?”
“Very much, I think. She never gave me any encouragement when Evan was alive.”
“And now?”
“Now I think she’s interested, but I have my mother’s bad blood in me, and I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Logan Kincaid, I really am going to smack you upside the head. You are not in any way like your mother. Maria grew up in the same house, has your mother’s blood in her. Do you fear she’s going to be like Lovey Dovey?”
Never. He wouldn’t allow it. “No, of course not.”
“Then stop talking stupid. Find whoever’s stalking our Dani, put an end to it, and then marry the girl.”
Thankfully, he hadn’t taken a swallow of beer or he would’ve spewed it. “You make it sound so easy.”
“I have faith in you.” She stood and picked up his plate, carrying it to the sink. “You can wash this. I’m off to bed.”
“One day, you’re going to accept the fact that the dishwasher does actually clean the dishes,” he said, opening the door and putting the plate in it.
On an impulse, he hugged her. “Thank you, Mrs. Jankowski.”
“For what?”
“For everything.” For saving him and Maria, for always being there for them, for being so wise. She wasn’t a demonstrative woman and she gave his back an awkward pat, but he could see the pleasure in her eyes.
At the doorway, she stopped and asked him one last question. “If Evan knew he was going to die, who would you say he would want to take care of his wife and child?”
Remembering Evan’s last words, Logan’s eyes burned. “Me.”
“And if you were the one married to her and you knew you were going to die, would you want her to spend the rest of her life alone?”
“No.”
“Then if you could pick who she would fall in love with after you, who would it be?”
“Evan.”
She nodded in obvious satisfaction and left.
Logan took his beer and walked out to the back deck. The moon would be full in a few nights and it reflected across the sea in ribbons of shimmering light. The gulf was calm, and he listened to the gentle lapping of the waves as he thought about their conversation.
He’d known Mrs. Jankowski would help him put everything in perspective. If wanting to develop a relationship with Dani had been wrong, she would have set him straight on that, too. More than anything, her last question had vanquished his guilt.
In everyday life, in his missions, he never had a problem with knowing right from wrong. It was only in relationships—and then his love for Dani—that he didn’t trust himself to get it right. He blamed his mother for that. He’d always feared he would use women the way she used men, and almost had once.
The only way he’d known how to keep that from happening was not to be intimate with them. He’d done his share of kissing and a little fondling, but every time he had come close to breaking his vow, he had ended the relationship.
Funny how it had never occurred to him to think Maria would turn out like their mother. If he hadn’t fallen into whoring his way through life by now, the odds were high it wasn’t going to happen.
Mrs. Jankowski’s words had sunk in, and as he stared out over the ocean, he accepted the truth that he didn’t have it in him to be like Lovey Dovey. He gave a humorless chuckle. Too bad he hadn’t understood that years ago, because he wouldn’t be a thirty-year-old virgin. Yet he didn’t regret Dani would be his first. At least, he fervently hoped so.
He still wasn’t sure he was good enough for her. She was a princess and he was trailer trash. His lips curved in a smile. Mrs. Jankowski would box his ears for thinking that way. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just look at what you’ve done with your life,” she would say.