It was the reason he was still a virgin.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Logan returned to his room and found Dani’s book for Regan on his pillow. He stared at it, wanting to snatch it up and devour every one of her words, yet couldn’t bring himself to touch it. How long he stood there looking at it, he didn’t know.
To put off reading the book, he showered, brushed his teeth, and shaved. He packed even though they weren’t leaving for two days, called Buchanan, called Mrs. Jankowski, called Maria. When he could think of nothing else to do, he settled back on the pillows of his bed and picked up the book. As he held it in his hands, he feared Dani’s words would revive the regret and guilt at the death of his friend. This was going to kill him, but he turned to the first page and began to read.
Reaching the last page, he read the words Dani had chosen to end the story, and then read them again.
Every night before going to sleep, Regan went to her window and searched the night sky until she found the brightest star. “Good night, Daddy,” she would whisper. That night, when she turned for bed, she stopped and looked back at the star. “I know you would have loved me. I know you are in heaven and watching out for me. Mommy has told me all about you. I love you, Daddy, but your jokes were really silly.”
Logan laughed. “No shit, Evan, your jokes really were bad.”
He sucked in a breath, realizing he’d just laughed for the first time when thinking of Evan. Though written for a child, the story had drawn him in. Dani had dealt with the subject of death in a straightforward, poignant manner. It was a story of hope and love, one of acceptance. In a way he didn’t understand, her words eased his heart. He flipped back until he found the page he wanted.
Regan’s mommy tapped her heart. “Your daddy lives here, in your heart. He’s with you every day and always will be. I’ll tell you stories about him. I’ll tell you all his silly jokes because I want you to know how wonderful and funny he was. I have a present for you.”
She handed Regan a beautiful jeweled-top box. “This will be your Daddy Memory Box, and we’ll write down all the things you don’t want to forget and put them in it. They will be memories of your daddy you can treasure forever.”
Regan took the box from her mother and opened it. “It’s empty,” she said.
Her mommy nodded. “Yes, that’s because it’s up to you to decide what to put in it.”
“I want to put something in it right now. I want to put a silly daddy joke in it,” Regan said.
“All right. How about this one. It was one of Daddy’s favorites. Why isn’t your nose twelve inches long?”
Regan shook her head. “I give up.”
“Because it would be a foot!”
Logan smiled and traced the words of the joke with a finger. Treasured memories. He had his own Evan memories and bad Evan jokes, although the ones Evan delighted in telling the team were not printable in a children’s book.
What was it she’d said? He searched for the page.
“Daddy wouldn’t want us to be sad, Regan. He didn’t want to leave us, but he did, and it would hurt him if he knew we didn’t learn how to be happy again.”
It was the honest-to-God truth. If Evan knew Logan blamed himself for his death—that the guilt was eating him alive—his friend would be royally pissed, would probably beat the shit out of him on general principle. Putting the book aside, he stood and went to the window, searching the sky until he found the brightest star.
Evan’s last words had been to make Logan promise to take care of his wife and child. “I wish you’d been more specific about just how far I could take that promise, Cowboy.”
Feeling silly talking to a star, he turned away, but like the girl in the story, he stopped and turned back. “I’ll never let your daughter forget you, my friend.”
Logan’s plan to sneak Dani and Regan out of Asheville was simple. They invited Jared and Scott over for drinks and appetizers on the back deck. Throughout the next two hours, each of them made several trips in and out of the house.
If Dickhead was out there, Logan wanted to lull him into believing they were either going to the bathroom or refreshing drinks. Halfway through the evening, Scott left and snuck the suitcases out the front, putting them in his car.
At nine, Logan judged it was dark enough. “It’s time, Dani. Get Regan and get in the car.”
“I feel like I’m in a James Bond movie.” She giggled and reached for her glass.
“No,” he said, “leave it here, like you’re coming back.”
“Right, Double-O-Seven. Leave the glass.” Giving another chuckle, she walked inside.