Craving Him(23)

I briefly wondered if I should feel embarrassed for my behavior the last time I was here, standing in this same entryway. I’d wantonly used Ben’s hand against myself until I came. My body folding in on itself and my womb contracting around his fingers. But he didn’t mention it, so neither did I.

“I’m fine,” I murmured. “I’ve decided about a few of the things we, um, talked about.” I didn’t know why I felt like we were negotiating a business arrangement. I guess we were, with my impending employment.

“Good. Come in my room while I dress.”

I followed him into the cozy room and sat on the end of his bed while Ben removed a stack of clothes from his bureau. He dropped the towel and my breathing hitched in my chest. My audible gasp in the silent room made Ben smile. God, his body was magnificent. A work of art. I’d never seen him not erect, but even in its relaxed state his length hung heavily between his legs. He stepped into black boxers, quickly concealing my view of the goods. My eyes snapped up to his and I smiled sheepishly.

He crossed the room and stood in front of me with dewy skin, looking hotter than hell. “See something you like?” He leaned down over me, planting his hands on either side of the bed near my thighs.

I sucked in a breath and held it. He smelled clean, like soap and aftershave. I nodded slowly, not letting my eyes wander from his. If I looked down at his beautifully tempting body, I might do something I hadn’t bargained for, like grab ahold of him and not let go.

“Tell me what you’ve decided, beautiful.” He reached toward me and stroked my cheek, his long finger lingering near my mouth.

“Henry expected me to have luggage packed for Fiji.” I frowned.

“Will you come with me?”

“I was considering it but I don’t like that you just assumed I’d go and told your driver that I was.”

His hand dropped to mine and he laced our fingers together. “I gave Henry my updated schedule to let him know I wouldn’t need his services while I was away. I mentioned I’d be in Fiji and that I’d invited you to join me. He must have assumed that you’d said yes.”

“Oh.” His explanation did make sense.

“Oh.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and a smile twitched on his lips. Dropping my hand to rest in my lap, he continued getting dressed, slipping into dark jeans and a long-sleeved gray T-shirt.

“Can I get you a glass of wine and you can tell me the rest of what’s on your mind?”

“Sure.” I let him guide me into the kitchen, his fingertips pressing lightly into my lower back. I lingered by the kitchen island while Ben opened a bottle of white wine. “Chateau Ste. Michelle Riesling.” He held up the green bottle for me to see. “It’s sweet, just like you.”

I accepted the glass he offered, little dots of condensation already forming on the goblet.

“Are you ready to tell me what’s on your mind? I think you’ve left me in the dark about your feelings long enough.”

I nodded. He led the way to the living room. “I don’t like feeling pressured into making a decision,” I said once we were seated together on the sofa.

His eyes lifted to mine. “I never meant to pressure you, but before you answer, there’s something I need to say.” He hesitated a moment, peering down into his wineglass. “You know my background. It’s not something I talk about with very many people. I never knew my dad, I was raised by a single mom who took off for months at a time when it suited her, so I’m sorry to put added pressure on you, but I need you to understand I don’t handle rejection well.”

His raw honesty surprised me. It wasn’t what I expected him to say. I remained silent for several moments, taking in what he’d just told me. He’d be hurt if I refused his offer. The last thing I wanted to do was reject him. From the beginning I’d wanted to care for him, soothe him, and I understood now that he was putting himself out on the line—not only by inviting me on his next assignment but by offering me a job and his home as well. This was a big step for him.

“Ben, I will happily work for you. But the pay you proposed is too much.”

He watched me intently, waiting for me to continue.

“And as your assistant and your girlfriend,” I smiled at the word, “of course I’ll go to Fiji.”

“But you won’t move in?” he asked, his eyes reading the indecision in mine.

“No.” I swallowed. “Not yet, anyway. I like having my own space. I came to New York intent on paving my own way, and I met Ellie and we really clicked. I’m not ready to give all that up just yet. I hope you understand. It has nothing to do with you.”