I'm not boring!
Ben smiled at me from across the table. I willed myself to feel something. Anything. But there was only a weak rustling in my stomach, like I'd been vomiting for hours. I hated how Will managed to manipulate my emotions like this. How could I know how I was supposed to feel about Ben with all of this crap swimming in my head?
"So, how've you been doing?" Ben looked up at me from the round table. His hair had grown in a little. The blonde beard was cut at the same length. He still wore the same plaid shirt. I always harbored a fantasy that he would change-he would develop a dress sense.
How have I been? Horrible. "Well, I got laid off from the aquarium, but I've already got a new job."
His light eyebrows lifted slightly. "Where?"
I wrapped my hands around the mug. "Well, it's a contract for Pardini Worldwide."
The blue eyes danced with excitement. "That's great, Nat!"
My eyes narrowed a bit at the use of my pet name. I didn't want him to act like nothing was changed between us. "Ben, what did you want to talk about?"
He flinched at my tone and I saw him retreat into himself. "I wanted to talk about us."
"Were you thinking about us when you went out with those women?"
"I was trying to get over you," he said with an edge in his voice. "Can you blame me for trying to move on?"
Fine. Didn't mean I couldn't be pissed about it. "It was pretty sudden. A couple weeks after we broke up, as if you couldn't wait to get out there. And then you posted all those photos on Facebook, knowing that I would see them."
"I didn't do that," he muttered.
"Oh, come on. You knew full well that I would see them."
He shook his head stubbornly. "Maybe I was a bit pissed that you'd throw away our relationship over Jessica."
"Are you serious? I didn't dump you over her; I dumped you because you lied to my face. I tell you something in confidence and the first person you told was a journalist. Then you tried to deny it."
Why did I come here?
"I know and I'm sorry, but I still can't believe you'd throw everything away after everything we've been through together."
I softened under his bright, blue eyes and hated myself for it. "I don't know, Ben. It's been a long time. I'm starting to move on."
"Will you please just give us another chance?"
Maybe I should. Will probably won't want anything to do with me again. I humiliated him.
I shrugged and avoided his eyes. "Maybe, when I get back from the job."
The disappointment that flared in Ben's eyes was mingled with anger. It surprised me.
Chapter 4
I debated all day whether I should call Will and apologize for what I said. My phone sat in front of me on the kitchen table. A part of me hoped that he would call and make the decision for me.
Coward.
Another part of me wanted to distance myself. What would I apologize for? I'm sorry for hurting your feelings? Why did he get so upset with me anyways?
When I told him I was going to see Ben, he reacted angrily. Jealously.
I squirmed in my chair. He was the one who told me he had no interest in me. He kissed me back. If I knew he actually-if he was really interested, would I go on a date with him? My thoughts were muddled. I wanted to, but he clearly had some emotional issues. His problems aren't mine.
They might be if you're going on a trip with him.
I groaned in my bedroom, trying to search for something that would tell me what to do. I jumped at the knock on my door.
"Come in."
Jessica's head poked around the door. Good, I thought. I can ask her about it.
"Just got home. Wanted to see what you were doing," she said as she sat down on my bed.
"Will wants me to go to Europe with him."
She did a double take. "Um-what?"
I smiled. "Also, I saw Ben."
"Whoa, whoa!" She stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "Slow down! When did this all happen?"
"Happened today, actually." I enjoyed the waves of shock rippling across her face. "I don't know where I stand with either of them, but Will offered me a job to go to Europe and design some pamphlets for Luke's campaign. I think I'm going to take it. It's only for a few weeks."
"Wait-isn't this a bit weird? He knows you for a week or something and all of a sudden, he wants you to go to Europe with him?"
"It's definitely weird, but I don't care." My voice trembled. "I need this, Jessica."
She looked at me with a bit of reservations stirring in her eyes, but she nodded. Of all people, she would understand.
"Well, how did it go with Ben?"
"Not so good. As expected." I studied her face, looking for signs of relief. "Don't you hate him?"
The question caught her off guard. "Hate him?" She shook her head. "I never had a problem with Ben, until … "
Until he sold you out.
"Listen," she said in a louder voice. "I don't care about it anymore, honestly. It's all water under the bridge. You should give him a second chance if you have feelings for him."
Inwardly, I aimed a searchlight to find some remnants of the love I used to have for him. Of course, I had feelings. I was angry, betrayed-if I didn't care about him it wouldn't matter to me. I shrugged hopelessly.
"I have feelings for chocolate. That doesn't really help."
"Well, you don't need to make a decision right now. Just go to Europe. Have fun and see how you feel about both of them."
I nodded, wondering if I should call my mom and ask for advice. Right, yeah that'll be a fun conversation.
"Are you going to tell your parents?"
She could always read my mind. "I suppose that I have to."
Hi Mom, I screwed up my chances with a really rich guy you'd probably hate. And I'm going to Europe with him. Ok, bye!
"Fuck," I sighed. "I'll probably get it over now."
"Okay," Jessica said, sliding from my bed.
I could tell that she was dying to tell her boyfriend everything I said. I picked up the phone and suddenly it vibrated in my hands. Almost dropping it, I held the phone to my ear.
"Hello?"
"It's Will."
Oh. I bit my lip severely, wondering what the hell I should say.
"Hi."
"Listen, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior." He took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry for-everything, really. I'm on some pretty serious meds and when I don't take them I go a bit crazy. So, I'm sorry for all that. If you take the job, I'll be nothing but professional the whole way."
My heart pounded. "Will, I'm the one who should apologize-"
"Natalie, let's just forget about it, okay?" he said in a testy voice.
I nodded before remembering I was on the phone. "Okay."
"Great. I'm going to fax the contract to your agency, and they should email the documents to you. If you could sign them as soon as possible, that would be great."
All of the humor was gone from his voice. He sounded clearer-more awake, but everything that made him so fun was gone. It was like talking to a stranger.
"Okay," I heard myself say.
"We leave next week. I'll talk to you soon."
"Bye."
And just like that, it was over. There was nothing but static on the other end.
I still hadn't called my parents, and it was the day I was supposed to leave with Will for London. I kept unlocking my phone to stare at the bright screen, debating whether to call them while the light died. I have to call them.
"Nervous?" Jessica asked as she stepped into the living room.
I dropped the phone back into my pocket. "I probably feel how you did when you left."
She smiled as she looked back on the memory. At the time, I warned her against going, even though I was insanely jealous of her opportunity. Now, it's my turn.
Luke was nearby and I knew that he was bursting to give me his opinion of what I should do, but I sensed that Jessica warned him not to. I felt another rush of affection for her. We always have each other's back, no matter what.
I paced in the small hallway and glanced at Luke, who sat in the living room looking grim. I was aching to ask him about Will. He caught my glance and a smile flickered over his anxious face.
"It'll be okay, Natalie."
I cried out as I bit the flesh of my thumb too hard. Frankly, I was more worried about how awkward it was going to be. I whirled towards my bag. Did I pack everything?
BAMBAMBAM.
Jessica and I jumped about a mile high.
"Can't he knock like a normal person?"
My stomach did backflips as Luke shot from the couch and opened the door before I could move a muscle. Will stood there, looking fresh in his jeans and t-shirt. Just the sight of his arms peeking from the sleeves was enough to make me sigh. It's not fair. Someone that hot shouldn't be such a jackass.
His dark eyes narrowed as he focused his gaze on his cousin.
"Luke," he said politely, inclining his head.
His cousin gave him nothing but a cursory nod, which was a mark of how angry he must be. Will responded with a lopsided grin.