Cowboy Up(9)

Fucking Texas summers.

It feels like hell rises from the ground every day.

My days are all the same. I wake up, chug coffee, and work outside until well after the sun sets and the rest of the people in Pine Oak have set off for dinner with their families.

I’m alone, for all intents and purposes, and that feeling is even more pronounced on days when my brothers aren’t around to distract me from my loneliness, which happens more frequently now that they’re both married and living off the ranch.

But even if I wanted to find someone like Maverick and Quinn did, there’s no place in my life for the responsibility of being the sole provider of someone else’s happiness anymore. I’m at the tail end of my thirties, and it’s too late for me to worry about finding someone I love.

No one can hurt me if I don’t let them have the power to do it. Which means I’m better off alone.

“Fuckin’ hell, old man, what’s crawled up your ass and died?”

“Got shit to do, Mav,” I tell my brother, not stopping in my shoveling.

“Looks like you need a break from that shit you gotta do, brother.”

“Drew isn’t here today. If I don’t get this shit done, I’m gonna be workin’ all night. Tell me what you need so I can get this done.”

“Leigh wants you to come to dinner tomorrow.”

“Does she, now?”

“Says she doesn’t see you enough, though I’m not sure why she fuckin’ cares.”

I bark out a laugh. “Jealous?”

“Fuck you,” he retorts.

“Just saw her the other day when I stopped in at the PieHole. Why does she really want me to come to dinner?”

I hear my younger brother mumble something under his breath and smile despite the fact that I’m hot and exhausted, and my mind is in about a million other places. He continues to grumble—something he’s always been mighty good at—as I finish placing the last few forkfuls of hay into the stall and turn to him. Even frustrated, I can see the contentment that his life now brings him written all over his face. I’m happy as fuck that he’s got that. It hasn’t been an easy road for him and his wife, Leighton, but they finally found their way back to each other. Took him almost dying, his rodeo career ending, and our father’s death to do it, but it happened regardless, so if anyone deserves the full-to-bursting life he has with Leigh, it’s my little brother.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but she and Quinn want to corner you into comin’ to their baby shower or some shit like that. Fuck if I know, Clay. I don’t even want to be a part of it, but every time Leigh talks about the shower, her face does this thing that makes me want to give her anything in the damn world to keep it lookin’ like that, so I’m here to make sure I keep gettin’ those stars in her eyes and smiles on her lips. Even if it goes against everything to be beggin’ my brother to come to a fuckin’ baby shower.”

I laugh, low and deep. “Admit you’re just as over the fuckin’ moon as she is and I’ll be there.” I don’t need him to, but part of me loves to hear him talk about how thrilled he is that he’s going to be a father. Even though I’m only three years older than him, I basically raised him and Quinn when our mama took off. I reckon this is as close to parental pride as I’ll ever get, which is why I keep taking that pride whenever opportunities arrive.

He drops his brooding expression and gives me a smile that’s usually only reserved for Leigh. “Shit, Clay. Can’t even put it into words, but if that’s what it means to feel like my heart is gonna explode daily, then yeah, I’m over the fuckin’ moon. Scared outta my skull, too,” he admits, his smile dimming a little.

“Why’s that?”

“Did you know her mama had complications when she had Leigh? That’s why they never had any more young’uns. She told me about how her mama almost died during childbirth and all I can think about is what I’ll do if I lose Leigh.”

No longer feeling the joy of his happiness, I prop the pitchfork against the stall, walk over to him, and clasp his shoulder in support. “Leighton’s strong as hell and doctors are trained a lot better than they were thirty years ago, Mav. Don’t let that ruin your excitement. She’s gonna be just fine, and in the end you’ll have a little piece of the two of you keepin’ you up all night.”

“I won’t be able to move on if I lose her,” he continues, completely ignoring my attempt at lightening the mood and I realize just how much this has been weighing on him.

“Maverick.” I hiss through the thickness in my damn throat and pull my brother into my arms. His own come around me with bruising force.