Cowboy Up(69)
“You good?” I ask with a smile that grows when her eyes don’t open for a few more pounding beats of my heart. Finally her lashes flutter, and she looks at me in a daze.
“I just . . . I don’t want you to think that I expect you to . . . I don’t know! I mean, I was jokin’, wantin’ to let that nasty woman know she was wrong about you, but the second the words left my mouth I . . . I’m freakin’ out here, Clayton!”
There really is no way to describe what it feels like when all the pieces of you that had been out of sorts your whole damn life start to click together. When all those years of twisting them up because you couldn’t figure out what you were missing are unraveled in an instant when you find what your purpose in life truly is. For me, I knew my place was here on the ranch and that my protection and love went to my siblings and only them. Because of my parents, I knew allowing myself to find what Maverick and Quinn had would be something too risky. I had resigned myself to that life, only recently feeling like I was spiraling, with my siblings no longer needing me. But then I met this woman and those pieces started shifting until I knew without a doubt that my crazy, shy, wild-when-she-wants woman was my purpose. My reason for waking and my reason for breathing. The woman who made the risk of loving her unquestionably worth it, because with her love, that risk is really just a reward. I would have done this weeks ago, but it wasn’t until today that I knew it was time. I take her hands in mine and wink when her eyes grow a little wider. Not looking away from her, I drop to my knee. Her hands jerk in my grasp as she watches me. I inhale deeply and start putting mental pictures of this moment away so I’ll never forget what it looks like to ask for forever with the person who holds your purpose.
“Caroline Lynn Michaels,” I start, having to pause when a lump of emotion crawls up my throat before continuing. “There will never be a time in my life, yours, and whatever waits for us beyond that when my heart won’t beat a little quicker because of what my love for you does to me. You came into my life and showed me how wrong I’d been about so many things without even tryin’. I never wanted more for myself than what I had runnin’ the ranch and seein’ my family thrive, but then your love made me need things I hadn’t ever allowed myself to think of before. Without you, there isn’t anything here on this earth worth findin’. Not a goal I can set for my life that would mean anything to achieve. My purpose. Everything I could possibly achieve. It’s all you now. You’ve turned my house into our home, put me back together when I hadn’t even realized I’d been broken, and given me so much more in four months than some people will ever get in a whole lifetime. We burned our way through our own paths in order to find this road we’re travelin’ on now together. I only hope I’m able to give you back a fraction of what you give me. I was made to love you, Caroline, and there isn’t anything that would make me happier than you becomin’ my wife. Marry me, Linney. Marry me today, tomorrow, or the next day, and let me spend the rest of our lives provin’ that I deserve the honor of you.”
“Oh, God,” she cries, her whole body shaking with her soft sobbing. The tiniest sounds come from her while she struggles to compose herself.
I release her right hand, keeping hold of her other, and reach into my pocket to pull out the ring I bought almost four months ago. Right after our second dinner at the ranch. I knew then, just like I knew when I stupidly denied it to myself the night I met her, that she’s my forever.
When the sun catches the diamonds, Caroline stops trying to control herself and cries harder. I place the ring against the tip of her ring finger and wait, looking at the diamonds as they reflect thousands of colorful prisms in the sun, feeling my own eyes burn, knowing that this moment will forever be one of the greatest triumphs in my life. Her body shudders as she sucks in a choppy gasp, and I glance up just in time to see her looking down at our hands with her chin quivering and more wetness starting to pool in her eyes. This time, there are no sounds, just her tears running silently down her cheeks while she watches me intently. A lesser man would feel some dread over the prolonged silence from the woman he just asked to be his wife, but not me. I know what she’ll say. I’ve known for months now that her answer would be yes, no matter when I asked. It’s what drove me to the jeweler to begin with, needing this ring to be ready when the moment came. Confident as I was, I knew she’d be like this. She wouldn’t be the woman I love if she didn’t need to work through the overpowering emotions slamming into her. If I need to kneel here until the sun dips below the trees, I’ll do it. I’ll give her all the time in the world to give me—us—the beginning of everything.