Cowboy Up(54)

“I hate knowin’ she’s hurtin’.” God, just the thought of my baby sister—someone I spent my whole life, until she married Tate, protecting with everything in me—being in pain cuts me deep. I glance over at Maverick, seeing the same worry etched in his face. I can only imagine his is amplified because his wife will be in the same position soon. “It’s too soon,” I finally whisper, feeling fear claw at me.

“She’s only four weeks early, Clayton. I know they had her on bed rest, but they told her they wouldn’t stop labor if she went early; they just wanted to give her as much time as they could. They’re both goin’ to be fine.”

My hand shakes as I lift my coffee and take a sip of the black brew. I lean forward in my seat, elbows to knees, and hold the cup in both hands. This is why I crave control. Knowing what will happen, how I can manipulate situations to ensure the outcome I find most favorable, and avoid anything that can cause harm. There isn’t shit I can do except let God’s will work, and it’s tearing me apart.

“How about we talk about what happened back in the parkin’ lot of Pit’s,” Caroline offers in a soft voice.

Just thinking about what happened after supper makes me burn with a whole new rush of conflicting emotions. I’m so fucking proud of her for standing up to her mama, but I hate that she ever had to. I’ve never wanted to harm a woman before, but Misty has me itching to ruin her.

“Linney,” I tell her softly. I knew from her violent reaction months ago from just hearing her mama call her name that her childhood wasn’t a good one. I don’t want her reliving that just because she thinks she has to give me more.

“I know I don’t have to, but it’s important to me that you know what I said was true. That what she thinks of me isn’t what I am.”

I turn my head, not moving from my hunched position. “You think I could ever think of you like that?”

She shrugs, picking at her coffee cup. “I spent my life thinkin’ that just because she thought I was a whore, I must have been. It’s why I never really dated—until John, that is. I didn’t dress provocatively or give people a reason to think that, so as I got older, I realized it was just another way for her to make sure I knew my place in her life.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m sure you realize after that confrontation that I was far from planned. She hadn’t wanted to stick to Pine Oak, but when she got pregnant with me, there was never a chance she’d make it to some big city and be discovered. Her words, not mine. I have no idea why she kept me, but she did, and because of that she blames me for ruining her grand plans.”

“And your father?” I question, sitting up and turning toward her.

She shakes her head, but when her eyes connect with mine, I see the clearness within them. They no longer hold pain, hurt, or care regarding her upbringing.

“She never knew who he was. She had a different man every week while I was livin’ with her; I don’t imagine it was any different leadin’ up to her gettin’ pregnant.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“It used to. I think that’s just another reason I desperately sucked up any attention John gave me back then. He was the first boy who paid me any mind, and when he promised me a way out from under her thumb, I took it. And I continued to take it, because I believed that was all I deserved.”

“Darlin’,” I mumble, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her closer, needing that contact.

“I don’t feel that way anymore,” she continues meekly. “I know now that I was stuck mentally, believin’ all the garbage she projected onto me. I might still have times when I get uneasy or shy over too much attention, but it’s not like it was then. You have no idea what you’ve given me, all because you pushed me to look past that fear and explore somethin’ I didn’t dream I could have.”

This woman brings me to my knees. Watching her become stronger each day has been nothing short of humbling.

“I don’t need her. I never did. I’m the person I am now because I was too strong for her to break me. I survived her, I survived him, and now I’m bein’ gifted you. I meant what I told her, Clayton. Until the day comes that you might not want me, you’ll be the last one I give myself to. All of me, I’m yours.”

I open my mouth to tell her just how much that means to me and how she’s out of her fucking mind if she ever thinks that day would come, but before I can, there’s a commotion that pulls my attention away from her.

“I’m a daddy!” Tate bellows with a huge smile, his chest heaving as he stands in the middle of the waiting room with his hands on his hips.