Cowboy Up(17)

I haven’t been asleep for long when Luke gets back and lets me know it’s time to head to Hazel’s. I change out of my wrinkled sleep shirt and into some short shorts, a Hazel’s tank top, and a new pair of sandals. The scent of the fire was too heavy on the old boots I’d normally wear and I had to toss them. Just another thing that was taken from me.

“You sure you’re good to handle payroll?”

I smile at Luke as he drives. “Yeah, Luke. It’s like asking if a genius can handle a color-by-numbers sheet.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “Sometimes I forget there’s a feisty little smart-ass in that tiny body of yours, Carrie girl.”

“Lukie Dukie, I’m just a big bag of mystery, you know.”

He laughs under his breath, the radio playing some current pop country song. I look through the darkness and let my thoughts wander to my plans. I should’ve known Luke saw right through me earlier, though, and the second I start thinking about how I’m going to tell him and Lucy about leaving, he opens his mouth and I groan inwardly.

“I know you talked to Sheila about stayin’ at the motel.”

“I wasn’t goin’ to keep it from y’all,” I tell him immediately.

“I know you weren’t.”

“I just didn’t know how to tell y’all.”

He clicks his tongue. “You could have just said it, sweetheart. Even though I meant what I said earlier, I understand your need to exercise your independence. You’ve come a long way this year and you deserve what you need to be happy.”

“I need to prove to myself that I can keep survivin’ on my own, Luke,” I tell him, honestly. After all, that’s the root of it.

“I know you do. If what you want is to stay in Sheila’s motel until you rebuild, at least you’ll be close to Hazel’s and I can still make sure you’re okay. I might not like it, and Luce is damn sure not gonna like it, but I understand where you’re comin’ from.”

I twist the straps of my purse and mull over my words. “Can I . . . do you . . . will you still want me to work at the bar?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him turn my way, but I keep twisting the leather strap in my hand, not wanting to see his face if there’s disappointment written on it. I almost jump out of my skin when his hand covers mine.

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Carrie,” he drawls in a gruff tone. “You’ve got a job at Hazel’s for as long as you want it. You know I hate that numbers shit, and you add a little brightness to that place. Family, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I whisper, a lump forming in my throat.

“Yeah,” he parrots, pulling into the parking lot of the bar and shutting his truck off.

I climb out of the cab, even though I know it drives him nuts when I don’t wait for him to open my door, and follow him around the back to enter through the employee doorway. He’d normally just walk in the front, but since this is the easiest way for him to dump me in the office, I know he only does it so he can fool himself into thinking I don’t see just how crazy things get here at night.

“Let me know if you need anything. Just shoot me a text and I’ll come sort you out.”

“Yes, Dad,” I say sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.

A few hours later, I feel like I’m about to find out what it’s like to have my eyes permanently crossed. Luke Hazel is a shit bookkeeper. Reading his handwriting was almost traumatic, but I finally sorted out his payroll and wrote the checks for all sixteen employees so he could come sign them later tonight. Having had enough of his office’s four walls, I open the door and step into the smoke-filled air. My eyes roam around the room while I stand there and enjoy the music. It was so muffled by his office’s heavy door that I could hardly hear it in there. I’m on my second glance around the room when I see him.

The shadowy stranger.

My dark cowboy.

I take a step forward before I realize what I’m doing, stopping instantly.

No way. As much as I want to, and boy do I want to, I know I’d be testing fate by giving in to another night with him, and I think fate has proven to be against me lately. I blindly reach for the knob behind me at the same time I see his back straighten and his head turn my way. I gasp when I feel his eyes on me. I could walk over there and offer him my body again, but instead I turn and rush back into Luke’s office.

There’s no place in my life for a man like my dark cowboy, as much as I wish otherwise. I’d love nothing more than to get lost in the feelings I know he can drown me in, but my life is crazy enough without adding more insanity to it.