Cowboy Take Me Away(222)
That knocked the breath from his lungs. He reached for the back of the dining room chair to keep himself from passing out. He couldn’t believe it’d come to this. That he and his son couldn’t work this out. Carson figured Cord would go on a bender for a couple of days and things would go back to normal. That’s what he’d done when his old man had pissed him off.
And how did that go for you? How many years did you spend resenting your father until you realized the man wasn’t half the idiot you’d made him out to be?
“Cord told me what’s been going on.”
Carolyn’s voice was quiet and controlled.
“I want you to know that I’m not taking sides. But to be honest, I don’t want to hear your side. I thought—maybe I should say I hoped—that because you dealt with this very thing with your own father over the years, that you’d handle it differently when it came to your sons.”
The silent, unspoken accusation lingered between them. He’d been married to this woman long enough that he knew what she was thinking, almost as if he was inside her head.
You swore to me you’d never have the kind of relationship with your children that you had with your father. And when the boys were growing up, you were there for them, teaching them, encouraging them. But as soon as Cord decided he wanted to ranch with you, you’ve slowly turned into that man. Nitpicking everything he says or does. Rarely listening to his ideas. Reminding him you’re in charge and he’d better fall in line. And I’ve seen you acting the same way with Colton. How long before you chase him away too?
At that point he knew he’d fucked up in the worst possible way. And wasn’t it a kick in the ass that the doomed to repeat the same familial pattern stuff that Keely yammered on about from her psychology class wasn’t bullshit; he’d gotten sucked into it because it was familiar.
Yet even knowing that, he didn’t know how to change it. What if he couldn’t? What if his boys ended up hating him because he was too fucking stubborn to admit that he wasn’t the infallible man they’d looked up to? Had that man ever really existed?
He’d never walked away from his wife when she was distraught. But she wanted nothing to do with him so he left the house, choking on a cloud of guilt.
That first year Cord was gone had been rough on everyone. Especially since Cord had joined a fishing crew based out of Seattle and spent months at sea and called home only twice. Carson suffered most of all because he’d had to do Cord’s work and his. Colt, determined to prove his worth in the face of his brother’s defection, worked hard enough for two ranch hands. But it still wasn’t enough.
When Colby realized things were falling apart at the McKay ranch, he’d backed off on his rodeo travel schedule and helped out. But Colby declined to live at home and Carson allotted the funds for Colby to build his own place on McKay land.
Nine months into his personal hell, Carson had swallowed his pride and asked Cal and his sons for help, as well as Charlie and his two oldest boys.
Year two was better. Even though Cord spent months at sea working as a fisherman, he actually called to check in. But he never mentioned returning to Wyoming—even for a visit.
At the start of year three, Cord had called to announce he’d gotten married. Carolyn, who’d kept to her word and hadn’t taken sides, lit into Carson like he hadn’t experienced since his drinking and brawling days. She told him if their son planned to make his home and his life in Seattle, he deserved their support and they’d show it by paying him and his new wife a visit.
So they’d made the trip. Both he and Carolyn had disliked Marla, Cord’s wife, ten minutes into meeting her. If that wasn’t bad enough, Carson knew his son was restless in the big city, living in a tiny apartment when he wasn’t cramped into an even smaller space on a fishing boat. Seeing that allowed Carson to make the apology he’d owed his oldest son.