Cowboy Take Me Away(203)
Then…burns my ass how I found out that our father was dead.
It clicked. And she was spun into another memory…
Seeing Casper’s truck pull into the drive so early in the morning set off Carolyn’s warning bells. He always made Carson go to him if something needed to be discussed about the ranch.
That man was more than a little off. She’d considered asking if Casper had been the deranged kid pulling the wings off butterflies, or torturing barnyard animals, but part of her didn’t want to know. She decided to give Carson a little time with his brother before she wandered outside. She had a legitimate excuse for interrupting; she’d talked to Joan two days ago and baby Dalton was fighting some kind of respiratory infection.
She got sidetracked by Carter looking for his baseball cleats, and then by Cam searching for his library card.
Ten minutes had passed when Carson stormed into the house, right past her, went into his office and slammed the door.
That’d never happened before.
She hovered by the closed door, trying to hear who Carson was talking to. She waited until several minutes of silence passed, then she knocked once and stepped inside the room.
Carson had his back to her as he stared out the window.
She closed the door and started toward him. “Sweetheart, is everything okay?”
He shook his head.
“What happened with Casper?”
“He came to tell me, to gloat really, that our father is dead.”
Carolyn froze. “What?”
“Evidently Jed died during the night. For whatever reason they couldn’t get ahold of Cal so they called Casper.”
“And he’s just letting you know now?”
“Claims he wanted to tell me in person.”
“Does Cal know?”
“He does now. I just called him. And Charlie. Fuck.”
She went to him, nestling her cheek against the rigid line of his back, wreathing her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, so am I. I hated putting him in that fuckin’ nursing home. Even after that last stroke and Cal and Kimi couldn’t take care of him…”
His entire body was rigid even as it shook.
“The man who spent his life outside, battling the elements, putting his blood and sweat into the land so he’d leave behind some kind of legacy for us, died alone in a tiny windowless room.”
Her tears fell. Carson wasn’t looking to be absolved of guilt; he was in one of those rare moods where he needed to vent.
“My father, a man I admired my whole life even when he could piss me off like no one else…is gone. Who the fuck would ever be happy about that?”
Had Casper acted happy that Jed McKay had died? Had the idiot said that to Carson?
“I know Dad ain’t been the same for a few years, but he was always there. Goddammit, I just saw him yesterday. Now I’ll never see him again. Keely is four; she won’t remember him. He was so damn tickled to have a granddaughter. He won’t see Cord graduate or take on more ranch responsibilities. He won’t know that I…”
“That he did know. Jed McKay knew exactly how much you cared about him, about this family. How much blood, sweat and love you’ve poured into this place over the years. That’s why he put you in charge, Carson. He understood you have the drive and the love of the land, and the cattle business, and will make sure the legacy he built will be passed on to the next generation of McKays. He was proud of you. He told me that himself. We both know the man wasn’t prone to handing out any kind of praise unless it was earned. You earned it and his respect.”