“I know that. Take care of yourself, tell Carolyn she’s in my prayers, and I’ll be in touch.”
Carson lumbered back to the ICU waiting room. As he donned the space suit, his thoughts had drifted to that dark place he’d avoided and he didn’t want to drag that into Caro’s room.
Your life has hardly been sunshine and rainbows. Besides, just because you remember it a certain way doesn’t mean she will.
Inside the room, he hooked the rolling stool beside the bed and sat down wearily. “Hey, sugar. I’m sittin’ here beside you. I know you can hear me. I need you to hear me. Come back to me. I need you to know that I’m right here, I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”
Then he waited a beat to gather his thoughts.
“I had another visitor. Joan. She sends her love and best wishes. As I was talkin’ to her, it hit me that even when she’s been part of our lives since Cord was what? Two? That until she left my brother, I didn’t really know her. But then again, with all the stuff that’s come to light in the past few months, I don’t think I ever really knew Casper either.
“It was weird, Joan askin’ about Casper’s relationship with our mother. I hadn’t thought of that in years. But it reminded me how Casper reacted after Ma died, which was totally different than his actions after Dad died.” He paused. “Still burns my ass how I found out that our father was dead…”
Without warning, almost against her will Carolyn popped up at the listening place like a cork, roused by the sadness in Carson’s tone. Disoriented, she only caught bits and pieces of what he was saying because his voice kept fading in and out.
What made him sound so sad?
She focused on the words, not the emotion, as she tried to avoid slipping back into the gray matter.
The word died leapt out at her.
What? He was talking about death? Who died?
Dear God. She wasn’t dead, was she? Was that the reason for his sadness?
No. He’d be inconsolable if it were her.
Concentrate.
Eerie silence surrounded her.
Then…burns my ass how I found out that our father was dead.
It clicked. And she was spun into another memory…
Seeing Casper’s truck pull into the drive so early in the morning set off Carolyn’s warning bells. He always made Carson go to him if something needed to be discussed about the ranch.
That man was more than a little off. She’d considered asking if Casper had been the deranged kid pulling the wings off butterflies, or torturing barnyard animals, but part of her didn’t want to know. She decided to give Carson a little time with his brother before she wandered outside. She had a legitimate excuse for interrupting; she’d talked to Joan two days ago and baby Dalton was fighting some kind of respiratory infection.
She got sidetracked by Carter looking for his baseball cleats, and then by Cam searching for his library card.
Ten minutes had passed when Carson stormed into the house, right past her, went into his office and slammed the door.
That’d never happened before.
She hovered by the closed door, trying to hear who Carson was talking to. She waited until several minutes of silence passed, then she knocked once and stepped inside the room.
Carson had his back to her as he stared out the window.
She closed the door and started toward him. “Sweetheart, is everything okay?”
He shook his head.
“What happened with Casper?”
“He came to tell me, to gloat really, that our father is dead.”
Carolyn froze. “What?”
“Evidently Jed died during the night. For whatever reason they couldn’t get ahold of Cal so they called Casper.”
“And he’s just letting you know now?”
“Claims he wanted to tell me in person.”
“Does Cal know?”
“He does now. I just called him. And Charlie. Fuck.”
She went to him, nestling her cheek against the rigid line of his back, wreathing her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, so am I. I hated putting him in that fuckin’ nursing home. Even after that last stroke and Cal and Kimi couldn’t take care of him…”
His entire body was rigid even as it shook.
“The man who spent his life outside, battling the elements, putting his blood and sweat into the land so he’d leave behind some kind of legacy for us, died alone in a tiny windowless room.”
Her tears fell. Carson wasn’t looking to be absolved of guilt; he was in one of those rare moods where he needed to vent.
“My father, a man I admired my whole life even when he could piss me off like no one else…is gone. Who the fuck would ever be happy about that?”
Had Casper acted happy that Jed McKay had died? Had the idiot said that to Carson?