Count On Me(96)
“I don’t remember that.”
“I figured that. Isabelle, I don’t think you’re supposed to remember these things because they’re my memories of you. I don’t want you to either, because they’re so important to me that I don’t want to share them. Not with anyone, not even you.”
She smiles and I’m just frozen in place. It’s actually the perfect time for her to do it since this is another memory I have that I need to share.
“Once I got you to look at me, the next step was getting you to smile for me. I tried over and over to get you to do it and nothing ever worked. Half the time, I just upset you so much you’d cry and I’d end up having to go home. One day though, I decided that I’d tickle your feet, I mean everyone smiles and laughs at that right? So I did it and sure enough, you smiled and I never really knew how important it was at the time. Remembering it now though, I see it.”
“You see what?”
“When you smile at me Isabelle, it’s like I’ve being hit by lightning. Once you do it, time freezes. All motion just stops. It’s as if the smile keeps me still. Some of the happiest times in my life are when you smiled at me. Then and now.”
“Okay.”
It’s not the answer I’m expecting, but considering she’s still standing here with me, I can’t ask for much more. I’ve got so much work to do, repairing everything that I broke. It can’t all be fixed with a few pretty words and a perfectly decorated gym. As long as she’s staying though, I’m fighting.
“The point I’m making with all of this is, every good thing that’s happened in my life up until this point, has in some way revolved around you. Getting you to notice me, you smiling at me, the way my name sounded the first time you ever said it, the way it still sounds, even today. The softness of your lips when they’re pressed on any part of me, the cute little faces you make when you’re texting me. How perfectly your hand fits in mine. It’s always been you.”
“Kayden…”
“See what I’m saying?”
“Kayden, stop please.”
The plea in her voice stops me cold. Is this where she tells me that she’s heard enough and turns to walk away?
“I spent so long locked in my own head that I really don’t know how this is gonna sound, but I need to say some things before you continue. I can’t take listening to you tell me how happy I make you, not after everything I’ve done.”
What she’s done? Huh? What the hell is she talking about? She hasn’t done anything but believe in me and from where I’m standing, that isn’t a bad thing. She’s the reason I’m even here at all.
“I’m sorry, Kayden. I’m sorry because I really believed you were playing some kind of game with me. I believed that what happened at Homecoming was your fault. I did the one thing that I want everyone else to stop doing with me. I judged you based on the way you were, not the way that you are. You were nothing but sweet, tender and loving with me and I believed the worst in you. I let you down.”
“Are you done?”
She nods and I reach out to her, taking her hand, placing it against my own and linking our fingers together.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s hard not to believe the worst in someone when they spend eight years proving they’re the worst human being alive. What happened to us, Isabelle, that’s on me. I said all the things you heard at Homecoming and there’s nothing I can say that can ever take them back. The only thing I can say is, I was an ignorant, blind asshole who isn’t deserving of even five minutes of your time, let alone five weeks.”
“Kayden…”
“Isabelle, I love you.”
I’ve gone over in my head a million times how I was going to say it the first time it came out. It’s not exactly the way I imagined it, but I refuse to take it back. It’s the truth and that’s what all of this is about. Telling her the truth and giving her the night she missed because of the horrible things I did.
“You wanna know why I did all of this?”
“Yes, I do.”
“I did all of this because there’s only one thing I’m sure of anymore and that is, I love you. I think I’ve been in love with you since I was three years old.”
“You’re in love with me?”
“Yes.”
“You put all of this together for me?”
“Yes.”
“Kayden…” she whispers and I see the tears start to fall from her eyes. I start to think I’ve made everything worse until she speaks again, stopping my heart. “What took you so long?”