He’s a lot of the reason I adjusted back so well. Having him there with me, it kept me calm. I might have thought I deserved to be completely alone before, that no one could deal with my issues or accept me as I am, but I’m learning that it’s so much better having a friend. It’s even better when it’s one that gets it like Eric.
“Probably.”
“Who knew she liked this sort of stuff.”
I shrug and he laughs and just like every other time we’ve been this way in the last two days, I’m okay. I know that people are still making fun of us, but unlike before, I don’t focus on it. In a few months, we’d all be moving on from here and even though the ignorance might never entirely go away, at least these people would.
“Isn’t this your favorite band?”
“Yeah…”
There it is again, the nagging feeling that something with this music just isn’t right. If even Eric can pick up on it then there has to be more to it.
“Meeting at the tree for lunch? He asks, breaking away from the dissection and back to what’s most important.
Food.
“Yeah, so go grab your lunch and I’ll meet you out there.”
He smiles at me and turns back the way he came and as I watch him retreat, I start thinking about how much things have changed in such a short amount of time. Despite it all, I only have one person to thank for all of it.
Kayden.
Kayden
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you sell someone a sob story like the one I sold Ms. Owens this morning.
It’s not that anything I said is a lie, because it isn’t. I just relayed everything that happened to me over the last few days and what I needed to do. She bought into it so quickly; I almost didn’t have to finish the story at all.
Having nothing but time on my hands yesterday when I came home, it came to me and I put it together step by step. I could close my eyes and see it taking shape, which meant that despite knowing it might fail, I still had to see it through. I’ve never seen something so clearly in my life.
Despite the chaos in my head from the concussion, I’m determined to make my comeback count. By now, I’m sure the entire school knows what happened to me and that I wasn’t out because of the alcohol poisoning. I’m ready for all the looks and whispers though. If Isabelle can come back after everything that happened the night of Homecoming, I can do it too.
It’s time I face my secret head on instead of running from it and letting it change me, the way I have been for too damn long.
I’ve spent the last eight years using my mother leaving as an excuse for my behavior. For the way I treated people and the anger that ran so easily through my veins, but that’s all it is, an excuse. I’ve been using them forever and it’s gotta stop. I became an asshole, not because of my mom or even Dean. I did it because it was easier than being the good guy.
Isabelle changed all of that, whether she realizes it or not. That’s why this comeback I’m making today is for her, just as much as it is for me. It’s my chance to come back and change the way I’ve been. Start over fresh. It’s time for me to be the good boy my mom knew I could be. It’s time for me to prove just what kind of person Kayden Walker really is and this time, make it stick.
The first step in doing that is reaching out to the person that made me realize it. Who despite seeing the darkest parts of me, the things I’ve done and said about her, still acted like the little life preserver she is, reaching out in a way that only she can do and saving me.
Before school started, I made sure to get permission from all my teachers to leave early in an effort to catch her reactions to the stunt I’m pulling. I’m pretty sure a lot of them thought I lost my mind, but they gave me what I needed. I was able to stand outside her classroom, far enough away so she couldn’t catch me and see her reaction to the first song as it played right after the announcements.
I also caught her reaction to the second one, though seeing how close she’s standing with Eric as it happens, bothers me more then I want to admit. Even if she doesn’t want me back in her life the way I so desperately want to be, at the very least I want her friendship again. It doesn’t mean I have to like seeing her interact with other guys though.
Ducking out of the hall before she can catch me, I head back to the office and the minute I slide through the doors, Ms. Owens is smiling at me.
“You want this next one going outside, right?”
I nod and smile and she motions me over. I look out the window and I’m shocked with how close her favorite tree is to the office. I’ve spent time out there with her before, but never realized just how visible we would have been to everyone on the other side.