He deserves to be with a girl that he doesn’t have to constantly worry about. He should be with one that doesn’t have accidents when she’s under pressure and one that doesn’t cry every second. Most of all, he deserves a girl that can really give him everything he needs with no fear. She will be able to talk to him, laugh at his stupid jokes and constantly challenge him to be better.
He deserves someone I can never be.
I know I’m not defective the way people believe. This isn’t about me thinking I’m less than other people. It’s about me wanting to do the right thing by this boy that I love so much. I need to let him go now, even if it breaks me in the process.
When I told my mom all of this, she didn’t agree with me, but because she always lets me make my own decisions, she backed down easily. The only thing she didn’t back down on, was me coming to the dance.
She feels that I owe it to myself to go through with this, considering how much work we put into making sure I could. The dress and shoes bought, her prepared to do my makeup and hair for me. We had it all planned out for days and she felt that turning my back on it now, would become a regret later on.
I couldn’t disagree with it, so that’s why I’m here. It’s the reason I’ve got makeup on for the first time and why I’m wearing a smile that even I can’t believe in.
I’m determined for this to be a night to remember, but more than that, I’m determined to see it through for her. She took pictures before she drove me here and I really want this to be something she can look back on and be pleased with. It really is because of her and her never say die attitude with me that I’m even standing here now. She deserves this moment even more than I do.
As I make my way into the school and down the hall toward the gym, I can feel the eyes on me but this time, I don’t hear the name calling that usually comes along with it. I don’t hear anything actually. Usually, there’s always a whisper, along with the traditional name calling, but this time, it’s just silence.
When I get there, I see the doors are open and the dance has already started. There are couples clinging to each other in the middle of the room, as well as groups of friends standing in clusters on the sidelines. There are lights hanging from the ceiling and they seem to be casting blue stars below. There are banners and streamers hanging in all four corners and I’m struck by just how beautiful it looks.
It’s like this room was made for someone like me. The lighting isn’t bright, which calms me. While there are a lot of different things happening at one time, I’m okay with it because nothing is moving fast. It’s all far away from me. The sensory overload that I normally feel just isn’t there.
This really is a dream come true. For the first time, I feel like a normal girl.
A movement catches my eye on the right side of the room and as I turn and look out, I see him. Standing alone, looking like he wants to be anywhere but here, is Kayden. He’s scowling and it makes me sad. This is supposed to be his night. He won his game. He should be in the middle of the room, dancing and having a good time. Not like this.
His hair is completely slicked back, the normal dirty blonde shade, looking almost black under the starry lights. He’s rocking back and forth on his feet, his standard black boots sticking out from the tuxedo he’s wearing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him dressed like this before, but it’s another reason I’m glad I came. If anything, I want to remember Kayden like this, even if after tonight we no longer see each other.
He looks beautiful.
As I try and will myself forward, I feel an arm brush across my back and I freeze. With Kayden all the way on the other side of the room, it’s not his familiar touch that’s with me now, but I do know that whoever it is, I don’t want it.
“You came.”
Dillon.
I nod and as I look up, I see him smiling at me. I know that things have been different the last couple of weeks and that he’s been better, but I’m not sure I trust his smile. It’s probably because of Kayden, but nothing about this feels right.
“I heard about earlier, Isabelle. I’m sorry that they said that shit to you.”
Of course he knows what happened. I bet Amy couldn’t wait to run and tell him all about it. Making the autistic girl cry and run from them must have gotten a lot of laughs. I played right into their hands just the way they wanted me too, even if the look in Dillon’s eyes says differently.
“Will you dance with me?” he asks and I flinch at the sound of his voice, something he picks up on because he speaks again. “Belle, you can trust me.”