I wasn’t intending to cry. Normally when that happens, there’s this buildup and I can feel it happening before the tears actually fall. This time, they escaped before I even realized what was happening and I didn’t want to stop them. These weren’t because of someone intentionally trying to hurt me. They were because of the overwhelming happiness I feel inside.
“Isabelle…”
That’s something different too or at least something I never paid much attention to before. The way it feels when he says my name. My mind is always running. There is always something going on inside and most of the time, whatever it is, it’s so strong that I can barely register much else. When he says my name though, especially this time, everything seems to just go still and for once, it’s quiet and he’s the only sound I hear.
The reaction I’m having is part of the reason I asked my mom to make the appointment for me earlier. If it feels this way for me, I wonder if it will feel the same way for him when I finally do speak. I know I’ve done it a few times over the last couple of weeks, but it’s never been because of something this good. I forced out his name the day he saved me from Dillon and I yelled at him the day he picked on Eric. When I want to speak most though, in moments like this, it won’t come and it just makes me want to fix this even more.
He should know how he makes me feel and it shouldn’t come in a text. I want to be able to tell him aloud how just one simple question made me lose my breath, brought butterflies floating up until I can almost feel the fluttering head to toe. He should know that my brain feels fuzzy and my entire body is warm, because he’s the one that caused it.
“I dreamt about this.”
He what?
“Yeah, I know. It’s weird.”
The last thing that comes to mind when I think about Kayden is that anything about him is weird. I might not understand what he means by what he’s saying, but it’s definitely not weird. I know what weird is because I live it every single day.
It’s not weird. I just don’t understand what you mean.
“You know how shit is with Dean—well, there was this one night, I don’t remember when, but he was going off on me like usual and all I could think about was you smiling at me.”
Usually when people think of me, it’s a pity thing or in a bad way. Hearing Kayden now, his reaction completely different than any I’ve ever experienced, I don’t know what to say. It’s made worse by what happened to make him think of me.
He’s right. I do know what his life is like with Dean. I know a lot about it. I just wish I didn’t. Even when we weren’t speaking to each other, I hated the way his life was and hearing about it now makes me hate it even more. No matter what kind of person he is, he doesn’t deserve what Dean puts him through.
“I said something wrong didn’t I?”
No. You said everything right.
“Then why do you look so sad?”
Dean.
It’s silent for a few seconds after he gets the text and I wonder if we’re about to go back to the way we were before. It’s only when he turns his body toward me, pulling me to him that I know I’ve got nothing to be scared of.
“I don’t want you to worry about him okay? I know what happened the other day scared you, but I swear to you, I can handle it and I’m fine.”
I try my hardest to focus on his words and believe in them, but with the way his hand is running up and down my back it’s hard to think of anything but the way he moves. His hands aren’t even on my skin, but with every movement, he’s making me feel like I’m on fire, like he’s burning me.
Yes.
It’s the only thing left to say now, at least for me. He asked me a question and I got so caught up in the feelings that I didn’t answer it. I just hope he knows what I’m trying to say as he reads it.
“Yes? Are you saying—is this about us or what I said about Dean?”
It happens again and this time it doesn’t just affect my lips, but my entire face. I can feel my cheekbones rise and my eyes crunch in. This smile is definitely different than before, but because of the way I’m positioned in his chest, he can’t see it.
Ask me again and find out.
He laughs, not as loud as times before, but he does exactly what my text says just the way I hoped he would.
“Isabelle, will you be my girlfriend?”
I already have the ‘yes’ text from before copied and pasted back into the texting box so before he gets the words out, I send it and as the ringtone goes off, I smile again. Before I can stop though, he catches it.
“How many times have you done it now?”