As the door shuts behind me, I start making my way across the lawn. Even in the dark I can see him behind the wheel; at least I can until he turns the car off and the entire area is blanketed in darkness. I’m not sure, but I swear I saw him smiling before everything went dark and just like my mom explained; it makes my heart do the butterfly thing.
“Hey.” He says when he reaches me. “Is that for me?”
He’s pointing to the plate in my hands and I push it toward him. Once he takes it and my hands are free, I pull out my phone and text him.
My mom figured you’d be hungry after practice.
“She was right.” He says in between bites, my eyes locked on his mouth as he seems to inhale the first slice. The way he’s eating reminds me of Tristan on pizza nights. It’s identical. It must be a guy thing.
When the first slice is completely done, he wipes at the corners of his mouth with his hands and I can’t help staring at him. I’ve never done anything like this before, but there’s something about what he’s doing that draws me in and I can’t look away.
“Tell your mom I said thank you for the pizza.” He says and I focus again.
Okay.
We’re silent for a few minutes after he gets the text and I’m not sure what to do. He’s the one that said he wanted to talk to me and now that he’s here, I expected him to get right to it, but he’s doing the complete opposite.
You said you wanted to talk to me?
“Yeah I did. I’m just nervous about it.”
I’ve known Kayden a long time and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him nervous about anything. He’s actually one of the only people I know that never shows it. He’s always so confident. If he’s nervous about something now, maybe I need to be worried. It’s not like he said what he wanted to talk to me about was good. I just assumed.
Did you talk to Dillon? Is that what this is about?
I don’t ask what I really wanna know because I choke up just thinking about it. If he talked to Dillon and everything is good between them again, is he here now to tell me that he doesn’t want to hang out anymore? I don’t want to think like that, especially after he said he missed me and sent me a heart, but I don’t exactly know how guys act when they do things like this.
“Trust me Belle. This has nothing to do with Dillon.”
Okay then. Well, what’s up?
I’m actually trying my hardest to act like none of this is bothering me, but it is. I’m not used to him like this. If this has nothing to do with Dillon, I have no clue what it could be.
“Shit. Okay. I’m just gonna come right out and say it.”
I start to type, but stop the minute I feel his hand rest on top of mine. Looking up and catching the intense look in his eyes, I hold my breath and wait for whatever’s about to come next.
“I like you, Isabelle.”
Why is he telling me this? I already know that he likes me, considering he told me earlier that we were friends. All of this is just becoming more confusing by the second.
“Shit, that didn’t come out right did it? Of course it didn’t, because I never say anything right and damnit, I really wanna get this right!”
He takes his hand off mine and covers his face with it and I wonder what’s so hard about what he’s trying to say that’s making him act this way.
Just say what you feel.
I wait for him to get the message, thinking that when he sees it, things will be easier for him. It’s not though, as the only sound around us now is the breeze passing by. We’re stuck again.
“What do you feel, Isabelle?”
That’s a hard question for me. For a long time, I didn’t feel much at all. At least I don’t think I ever felt anything before. I always just felt numb. It’s only in the last year or so where I’ve actually started feelings things, but usually it’s for other people and has nothing to do with me.
If it will help him open up and tell me what he wants to talk about though, I’m willing to do anything. I have to stop being so afraid some time and there’s no better time than now. So, that’s exactly what I do. I open up the text message and start typing, not stopping until it’s all out there. I hit send before I can think it through and wait for him to get it.
It’s scary waiting for the familiar tone because I’ve just spilled everything out. I haven’t even admitted it to myself, but this isn’t just some random person I’m telling it to. This is Kayden. He’s the first boy I ever cared about.
The first boy I ever loved.
For a long time I hated you, but not because of the names you called me. I hated you because when you left that day almost eight years ago and never came back, you broke my heart. You were my only friend and I wasn’t enough for you. I don’t remember feeling anything after that, not until two weeks ago. Since then I’ve been feeling a lot of different things and they scare me, but I know what it all means now.