What Isabelle has she been seeing, because with the way the one I’ve been hanging out with has been acting lately, it doesn’t seem like I’m making her happy at all. In fact, I think I might be doing the opposite. Ever since the kiss, even though we go through the motions, I can tell things are different.
I screwed up—again.
“Not sure about that Ms. T, but I’m hoping that maybe doing this might help.”
“Well, why don’t you tell me what you need my help with and I’ll see what I can do?” she asks with a smile.
“How much do you actually know about Autism?” I realize it’s a stupid question the minute the words come out, but I can’t take them back. She’s a special needs teacher for crying out loud, she has to know a hell of a lot about it. “Sorry, I mean, what can you tell me about it?”
“It’s okay, Kayden. Sometimes teachers get moved around and a lot of times we get placed with students that we don’t entirely understand or haven’t been informed about. It’s okay that you asked it like that. Can I ask why you want to know about autism?”
Well shit, I thought that was pretty obvious lady. I think to myself but don’t dare say.
If it wasn’t for Isabelle and the way she’s been making me see things differently, questioning everything I’ve ever known or believed, I don’t think I would be here at all. I would still be hanging with the same bunch of assholes, doing the same horrible things without a second thought to how she felt.
“I want to understand Isabelle better. I know that there’s more to her than just her problems because I’ve seen it, but in order to know her the way I want to, I think I need to know more about what she actually deals with.”
I swear to god, this is the most I’ve ever said to a teacher in one sitting before. Sure, I talk to Coach a lot, but definitely not like this. It’s mostly back and forth and always about sports. I’m doing something new right now and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. It’s strange.
“Honestly, I figured it had to do with her. I just wanted to see if you would tell me.”
She laughs and I smile weakly back at her. Who knew teachers had sense of humors?
“Isabelle has what the medical professionals call High Functioning Autism. As I’m sure you’ve seen, there are some weaknesses, but for every weakness she has, she has double it in strengths.”
“Is her inability to speak one of those weaknesses?” I ask, needing to know the answer. It’s not the most important thing to me, but it does rank pretty high.
“Yes, in a way it does have to do with it, but Isabelle is a bit of an anomaly in that regard it seems.”
“What does that mean exactly?”
“Isabelle struggled with speech for a very large part of her childhood. She eventually came into her own with the help of speech therapy, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t struggle to this day. What I was getting at is, with Isabelle, there’s also a fear that seems to trigger her silence. So I do not believe her inability to speak in a social setting is autism related, at least not entirely.”
“What can cause her to be like this? Is it because of everything people have said and done to her?”
“It could be, but from what I’ve seen, she’s been struggling with this for some time. Her mother and I have spoken about it and it appears as though there is more to it then bullying, though I can’t say that what’s been done to her has helped in the slightest.”
She levels me with this look and I know it’s a dig at me. I used to be one of the worst offenders where she’s concerned and the teachers know it. I’m the reason everything’s gotten this bad with her. I don’t need to be reminded. It’s just fact.
“What else can you tell me about her?”
“Well, I can sit here and tell you everything that I’m sure you already know, but I don’t believe that will help you. So I’ll tell you things that you probably don’t know. She loves anything to do with math. Well, I can’t say that she loves math, but she loves the numbers. She’s got an amazing visual memory and just seeing a problem on the board, she can work it out easily in her head.”
“You’re aware of her penchant for writing as I have already shown you. She also likes to draw, but it was like pulling teeth to learn that one.”
Doing this was definitely the right thing. I’m learning so much about her just in the little bit that Ms. Taylor is telling me that I feel closer to her then I did before. I hate to admit it, but with as long as I spent believing that because she didn’t talk, she was actually stupid, I’m shocked to learn how smart she really is.