She blinked up at me, a small smile on her face. “Can we do that again?”
I reached over, grabbing my sweatshirt to clean her up, and laughing under my breath.
Such a little monster.
I SAT IN THE CHAIR NEXT TO THE BED, my elbows resting on the top of my knees as I leaned over, watching her sleep. Deathbeds by Bring Me the Horizon played softly from the iPod on the nightstand, and I balled one of my fists inside the other, last night playing over and over in my head.
She’d passed out in the car on the way home from the catacombs, and I brought her in, undressed her, and put her in my bed.
Why had I put her in my bed?
Her leg peeked out of the gray sheets she was wrapped up in as she laid on her stomach with her head facing me. Her hair was all over the pillow and covering her eyes as her naked form lay silent and unmoving, only the small rise and fall of her body telling me that she was breathing.
She was worn out. It made sense. She’d been through the ringer last night.
I turned my head, seeing the sunlight shining through the windows out of the corner of my eye. Gritting my teeth, I turned back to her again. I wasn’t ready for the day to start. I wasn’t ready for the night to be over.
The edges of her feet and calves had smudges of dirt. Her hair was matted with a bit of the dark soil from the catacombs as well, and I knew she had bruises on her hips from our round two down there.
Bending her over that table had been nice.
Her wrists had a burn from the string I’d wrapped around them, and I could make out the small red mark where I’d bitten her jaw. I didn’t think I’d done it that hard, but she had the mark to prove it.
And she’d never looked sexier. Ever.
Her clothes lay in a filthy heap on the floor, including the lacy pink panties I’d had so much fun removing, and I dropped my eyes, wanting nothing more than to stop time.
I’d never been with a woman that fed my lust like she had. I’d never role-played, worn my mask, played games, or anything like that with anyone. Fuck, feed, kiss, lick, moan, pump, come, and repeat. I’d gotten so fucking lost.
But Rika was...
I leaned back in the chair, running my hand through my hair and unable to take my eyes off of her.
She said she didn’t trust me, but I knew it was a lie. I’d be willing to bet I was the one person she trusted the most.
She and I were the same, after all. We fought shame every day, struggling with who we could let see the real us, and we’d finally found each other.
Unfortunately…we were fucked.
My phone buzzed from its charger on the nightstand, and I closed my eyes, trying to ignore it.
I wasn’t ready.
I wanted to draw the blinds, pick her up, and put her in a bath. I wanted to see her ride me out by the pool and play more games with her. I wanted to pretend that I wasn’t missing practice right now, that my friends weren’t waiting for me…and that Rika’s world wasn’t about to fall apart.
But my phone buzzed again, and I leaned forward, burying my head in my hands.
Rika.
The walls were closing in.
I shouldn’t be able to look at her. I shouldn’t love to touch her, and I shouldn’t need to feel her wrapped around my cock every second since I’d first had her last night.
She wasn’t mine. She would never be mine.
And I shouldn’t want her.
I stood up and walked over to the bed, leaning down and studying her pretty face.
Fuck you, Rika.
Fuck you. I can’t choose you. Why did you do this to me?
I turned my head, reaching over to the nightstand and taking my phone. I had several missed calls, but I didn’t bother listening to the voicemails or checking texts.
I just typed one to Kai instead.
Finish it.
And I straightened, glaring down at her as I set the phone back down.
Now it was done. And there was no going back.
Three Years Ago
I TURNED INTO THE GRAVEL PARKING LOT, the night lit up with the headlights of all the other partiers arriving. The warehouse had been abandoned long ago, but since it hadn’t been slotted for use or torn down yet, we confiscated it every chance we got to let loose and raise a little hell.
People brought kegs and liquor, and the town’s wannabe youth DJs set up their systems, filling the night with rage and noise so loud we couldn’t think even if we wanted to.
This was what I’d been waiting for.
Sure, I wanted to see how she’d hang with my friends. Could she keep up? Could she even manage to make a dent in our world?
But what I really wanted was to get her away from my family, her mother, Trevor, and to just see her relax. I wanted to see who she was when she stopped caring what everyone else thought or expected of her.
When she finally realized that my opinion was the only one that mattered.