Corps Security, The Series (2)(28)
He gives me a tight nod before crossing his thick arms over his chest.
“I’m sorry, Ash. I really am.”
He studies me for a few seconds, opening his mouth to speak a few times before snapping it shut and shaking his head at me. His eyes close for a second and when they open again and he looks at me with complete understanding, I’m taken aback. So easily he’s able to drop that anger?
“I won’t even pretend to understand what’s going through your head right now. You want to talk before I make you mine? That’s what you need to do before I can finally make you mine? Well then, baby, that’s what will happen. Just . . . enough with the running, okay?”
Let’s see if he feels the same way when we’re done talking. I nod and wait for the elevator to stop at my floor.
Here goes nothing.
“Do you want anything to drink? I think I have some beer.” I wring my hands together, trying to calm my anxiety.
“I don’t want anything to drink, Chelcie,” he states from his post, leaning against the kitchen island.
“Okay. Do you want something to eat? I can make something really quick.”
“I don’t want anything to eat, Chelcie.”
“Okay. Do you—”
“I don’t want anything to eat or drink. I don’t need to sit and relax or watch a movie. I don’t have anywhere I need to be or anyone I would rather be with. I’m good, Sunshine. I’m here. Let’s talk.”
Well. I guess he’s onto my stalling.
“Right. Let’s go sit please. I need to sit.”
He raises a brow but follows me to my living room. I sit in my favorite chair, the one chair that I can curl up on and it’s so fluffy that I sink. It gives me a sense of peace. I know it sounds ridiculous that a chair can give me some peace, but when you feel as alone as I do sometimes, just feeling the comforting pressure of something holding you can mean a lot.
Asher walks close to me, his feet bumping into mine, he leans down and scoops me up before he sinks his own body into my chair. He then pulls me down onto his lap and arranges my body so that I’m sitting sideways across his strong thighs. Without knowing where to put my hands, I just let them fall to my lap—where I continue to wring my fingers together.
“Talk, Sunshine.” I jump at his demand and feel his arms constrict around me. “I’ve told you before, you have nothing—not one damn thing—to be afraid of when you’re with me. Why do you keep acting like I’m going to hurt you?”
I take a deep, much-needed breath. “Because, Asher . . . Because you hold the power to crush me, just like I hold the power to do the same to you.”
“The last thing I want is to hurt you in any way,” he argues.
“I know that, and I feel the same way.”
“So what exactly is the problem? I know we have a lot to learn about each other, Chelcie, but you’ve been there for me since Coop died, there when everyone else was getting frustrated because I didn’t know how to let him go. You’ve been there when I needed you the most. There’s plenty of time for us to learn every little thing about each other, but what I already know is enough for me to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you belong to me.” He lightly grabs my chin with his firm hand, turning my head and giving me a sweet kiss against my lips before resting his forehead against mine.
“This is so hard,” I sigh. “So damn hard.”
“So just say it. What is so big that you would rather go out with douchebags than admit that what we have is worth something to you? You melted for me, Chelc. Melted.”
“Give me a second okay? I just need to figure out how to explain everything.”
I weigh my options before I realize that there is no easy way to drop all of this on him. So I just start at the beginning.
“You know about everything that went down with Dee, right? Last year, when she almost died?”
He nods but doesn’t say anything and lets me set the pace.
“I was the one who found her. Did you know that?” He shakes his head, still remaining silent. “That did something to me, Ash. I don’t know how to explain it. Finding her, the one person I’ve had in my life who means so much. A sister without the blood relations. Seeing her that close to death made me panic. I really think that I was in some sort of shock. I don’t know. It doesn’t make what I did right, but when comfort was offered, I took it. One night, one time, but I needed to feel alive. I needed it.” I swallow the growing lump in my throat and look into his eyes, needing to know how he’s going to handle this. “I slept with Coop,” I whisper so lightly that, if it weren’t for his arms around me and my face inches from his own, I don’t think he would have heard me.