‘I’m tired... I think I must be suffering from jet lag. I think I’ll go out and have a sleep in the garden.’
Did he want to sleep or was he simply wanting to escape from her company? Sophy wondered, watching him wander outside. Well at least now she could go up and make his bed but when she got upstairs she found that he had made it for himself. She shrugged dismissively. Of course Jon was used to looking after himself...or was this a polite way of informing her that he did not expect to find her in his room again?
Moved by some impulse she wasn’t ready to define Sophy went into her own room and changed into the bikini Alex had picked out for her. She had already worn it once earlier in the week and that exposure to the sun had turned her skin the colour of clotted cream.
When she got outside Jon was lying sleeping in a deck chair, oblivious to her presence. She tried to settle down; first by stretching her body out on the towel she had brought downstairs with her and then by going back inside to dig out a paperback book to read. It was all useless. A restless nervous energy seemed to possess her body, making it impossible for her to simply lie down and relax. When Jon had been asleep for just over a hour she got up and started on some desultory weeding. The activity helped to soothe her a little but her heartbeat seemed to be much faster than usual, her skin damp with a heat that wasn’t entirely due to the sun.
At two o’clock she abandoned her self-imposed task and went back inside, getting out the blender to make lemonade, her hands moving deftly as she did so. Leaving it to cool she used what was left from the jug she had made the previous day to fill two glasses, putting them on a tray and then defiantly carrying it outside to where Jon still slept.
The sun had moved slightly and now slanted across his face, revealing the taut bone structure. The hair flopping on to his forehead looked disarmingly soft and silky. Would it feel like Alex’s?
Suddenly aware of what she was doing Sophy snatched back the hand she had extended towards his face and instead placed it firmly on his shoulder, shaking him.
He was awake immediately blinking his eyes slowly as they focused on her. ‘I’ve brought you some lemonade. If you sleep too much now, you won’t be able to tonight.’ How cross and ungracious she sounded, Sophy thought. What was the matter with her?
Jon reached for his glasses which he had discarded several feet away on the lawn and Sophy bent to retrieve them for him at the same time. It was a small task she had performed more times than she could count but this time, as she handed them to him and watched him put them on, for some reason her body felt as though it were in the grip of a deadly paralysis.
It was impossible for her to move away even when his slightly stunned glance slid over her, taking in the brevity of her bikini. She could almost see him cringing away from her, she thought bitterly, immediately stepping back and retreating to her own towel. Why on earth hadn’t she put on something more discreet, covered herself up a little more? If she carried on like this much longer he might begin to think that she was...what? Trying to seduce him?
Prickles of heat ran across her skin, her body tense. What a ridiculous thought...of course she didn’t want that. After all, one of the main reasons she had married him had been to escape from any sort of sexual involvement.
Confused and alarmed by both her thoughts and her feelings Sophy got up and rolled up her towel.
‘Had enough?’ Jon asked mildly, watching her.
‘It’s almost time to pick up the children.’ It was true, after all. ‘I’ve left all your post on your desk if you want to go through it.’
There, that made her feel better—restored their relationship to its proper footing—reminded her that there was nothing between them other than a business relationship and a certain amount of cool friendship, and that was the way she wanted it, she told herself firmly. She had the children to share her love with...
Love! She froze, staring blindly into space. How on earth had that crept into her thoughts?
The sudden touch of Jon’s fingers on her bare arm made her jump visibly and swing round. He was standing right behind her, holding his empty lemonade glass, watching her rather uneasily.
‘Sorry if I shocked you. I just wanted to say I’ll come with you to get the kids.’
‘Very well. It won’t take me long to shower and get changed.’
For the first time it hit her that she was behaving far from naturally with Jon. She no longer felt completely at ease in his company...far from it.
She was as good as her promise, arriving back downstairs again within half an hour, dressed comfortably in a soft, mint-green cotton skirt and a pastel-toned, patterned shirt.
Jon had his usual battle clambering into the car. ‘Next week we get a new car,’ he told her wryly as she drove off, adding, ‘Is there any make in particular that appeals to you?’
Sophy shook her head.
‘I’m told BMW make a good vehicle,’ Jon offered. ‘How about them?’
‘They’re very expensive,’ Sophy warned him.
Beside her, Jon shrugged. ‘That doesn’t matter...safety and comfort do.’
‘You managed to sort everything out in Nassau, then?’ Sophy asked when the silence began pressing painfully on her screaming nerves.
‘Yes. Oh, that reminds me...Harry Silver, my contact over there, will be coming to stay in Cambridge soon for a week or so. He and I used to be at university together. I’d like to invite him and his wife over for dinner one night.’
He might just as well be an employer giving his housekeeper her instructions, Sophy thought bitterly, immediately chiding herself for the thought. She was the one at fault, she was reacting in a totally unfamiliar and unreasonable way and had been ever since she walked into Jon’s room and found him there.
That must be it, she decided, relieved to have hit upon an explanation for her behaviour. It was the shock. The shock of seeing him, a mocking inner voice demanded, or the shock of how she had seen him?
‘Is anything wrong?’
Sophy bit her lip. So even Jon had noticed her tension. ‘No...I think it’s just this heat,’ she gave him a brief smile. ‘Sometimes I find it a bit wearing. Unlike you.’
A strange silence followed her last two words, and for some reason Sophy felt constrained to explain them. ‘That is...you’ve got such a good tan you must enjoy sunbathing.’
‘There were times when I had to wait for them to run certain tests. Lillian was kind enough to take pity on me and let me have the use of her patio and pool whilst I was doing so.’
‘Lillian?’ Sophy asked sharply, taking her eyes off the road for a second to look at him.
‘Harry’s assistant,’ Jon responded vaguely. ‘She had a condominium near the Centre, with a communal pool. It was much more convenient to stay there whilst I was waiting for the results of the tests rather than to go back to my hotel.’
A sensation unlike any other Sophy had experienced in her life was boiling through her; a mixture of anger, resentment and—jealousy—she recognized dully. She was jealous of this unknown Lillian, Jon spoke about so easily. Was that why he didn’t want her in his room because...? Abruptly she brought her careering thoughts to a halt. Why should Jon have reacted any differently to this Lillian than he did to any other woman? What on earth was the matter with her? She was behaving like a jealous wife suspecting her husband of having an affair.
Fortunately they had reached the school and in the excitement of the children greeting Jon she was able to bring herself under some sort of control.
Tea was a light-hearted meal, although she herself took a back seat in the conversation.
‘Uncle Jon looks nice in his new clothes, Sophy,’ Alex announced approvingly. ‘We got you some in blue because that’s the same colour as your eyes,’ Alex informed her uncle, dimpling a smile at him, ‘and Sophy has sent all your old things to the cleaners.’
* * *
THE WEEKEND WAS as hot as the rest of the week had been and they spent most of it in the garden. Sophy was having trouble sleeping. Each day seemed to drain a little more out of her, and yet she was so tensely wound up that she just could not relax. Her whole body was gripped by a peculiar and unfamiliar tension which left her nerves on edge and made her muscles ache. But at least no one else seemed to be aware that anything was wrong with her.
Even worse than her growing inner tension was the compulsion she seemed to have developed to be with Jon, and yet when she was with him, she felt acutely tense, unable to so much as sit down for more than five minutes at a time.
The trouble was, she thought exhaustedly on Sunday afternoon, that while she had suddenly become aware of him as a man, Jon simply did not see her as a woman at all. He would be deeply embarrassed if he knew the reason for the way she occasionally found herself looking at his body. She was embarrassed herself. Embarrassed and annoyed. What was the matter with her? Even with Chris, when she had been deeply in love with him, she had felt no stirring of desire within her to know him as a man.
Perhaps it was simply the fact that Jon was so elusive...so completely disinterested and unaffected by her that was making her behave like this, she decided, turning over onto her stomach and trying to relax. She could feel the heat of the sun seeping into her skin as she tried to come to terms with the reality of such contrary behaviour. Was that it? Subconsciously did she see Jon as a challenge? Was that what was making her behave so oddly? A desire to arouse within him a male reaction to her as a woman? But why? That was totally against everything she had felt when she first married him.