Confessed (Vargas Cartel #3)(13)

I closed my eyes as relief flowed through my veins. Tears beaded like dewdrops of hope in the corners of my eyes. “Okay.”

“What else can you tell me about where you are?”

“I’m chained to a cement wall. The room has a metal door and no windows.” I glanced around the room, looking for any details I’d missed. A sliver of light peeped into the room above my head. “Wait, there are three glass blocks near the top of the wall. They’re really dirty.”

“What about the exterior of the building?”

“I haven’t seen it. I woke up in this room, and they haven’t let me go anywhere.”

“That’s okay.” His voice dropped. “How much battery is left on the phone?”

I pulled the phone away from my ear. “Eighteen percent.”

“Turn it off, but turn it back on tomorrow night and put the ringer on vibrate. I’ll text you when I’m close.”

“You know where I am?”

“I think so,” he answered. A long drawn out sigh echoed like a faint breeze through the phone. “I’m sorry I let you down.”

My insides twisted with regret, forgiveness, and anger at him and myself. I shook my head, willing all my conflicted feelings to disappear. “I should’ve stayed on the hotel grounds. I should’ve waited for you to come back.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I shouldn’t have asked you to go back to Mexico with me.” He cleared his throat. “I made so many mistakes.”

Chills trickled down my back. “Maybe. Maybe not,” I said because I couldn’t ignore the truth in his declaration, but it didn’t stop me from wanting him. Needing him. Loving him. He held my heart in his hands. He always would regardless of what he did.

I closed my eyes for a second to gather my thoughts. “Why did you do it?”

“What?”

“Help Rever.” A sob erupted from my mouth. I gulped humid air into my lungs, trying to stop the torrent of sadness pounding on my chest. “Didn’t you know you were putting us in danger?”

“I didn’t think they knew about you.” His breathing turned heavy, whistling through the phone in jagged pants. “And even if they did, I thought I could protect you. I thought I could outsmart them. I thought I could get us out of Mexico before they found you.”

“Okay,” I mumbled as I processed his answer. Anger pulsed through my veins, but it fizzled as fast as it materialized. As much as I wanted to hate him for failing to grasp the danger of the situation, the emotion seemed irrelevant when I could die tomorrow or five minutes from now. I didn’t want to waste time hating him, punishing him, regretting him. Fate had already conspired against me enough times. I didn’t need to give it another reason to kick me in the face.

“No matter what happens after this, remember I love you, Hattie. I always will,” he said, interrupting the strained silence.

I bowed my head, resting it against the tops of my knees as I squeezed the phone like it was my one and only lifeline. I rubbed the budding ache in the center of my chest with the palm of my hand. This conversation felt awkward and wooden, and yet, I wanted to snag his words out of the air, and put them in my pocket forever.

I closed my eyes and summoned his image. In my mind, I traced the angular line of his jaw, down the strong column of his neck, following it over the smooth rise of his muscular chest and around to the thick bands of muscles bracketing his spine. I licked my lips as I recalled the salty taste of his skin. I inhaled, pretending his familiar scent filled my nose instead of the stench of death and despair. I missed him. I needed him.

“Yeah, I know. I believe you. I believe in us,” I said.

Even though I denied him the reciprocal profession of love I thought he wanted to hear, it didn’t stop the words from getting stuck on repeat, struggling to escape the confines of my mind.

I love you.

I’ll always love you.

Forever.

The words simultaneously slaughtered and fortified my soul, but I didn’t feel like I had the strength to console him or offer him forgiveness. We both had so many sins on our hands. We were broken, I realized with sudden clarity, and I didn’t know how we’d fix it. I just knew we had to find a way.

“I’ll see you soon, Hattie. Stay strong. Keep fighting.”

“Okay, I will. Bye, Ryker,” I murmured almost soundlessly.

I powered off the phone and hid it in the zippered pocket of my running shorts. I didn’t want to hang up. It could be the last time I would ever hear his voice or hear him declare his love.

I closed my eyes, willing my brain turn off, even for a few hours, but sleep eluded me. Visions of Ryker and me skated through my mind. Fragments of conversations rang in my ears. The feel of his fingers ghosting over my skin assaulted my senses. After minutes that moved like hours, I fell asleep.