She propped herself up on her elbow, looking down on him. He shifted his eyes to hers, his expression suddenly guarded. Apparently, he could hide his emotions whenever he wanted, something she wished she could do. “I won’t ask you about things that make you uncomfortable, but I don’t even know what I should be avoiding,” she said in a quiet voice.
His gaze slowly slipped away from hers and focused on the ceiling of his bedroom. His hand left her shoulder to run over his mouth and jaw, probably feeling the scratchiness of his five o’clock shadow. She waited for him to respond but he never did. It was starting to piss her off. And it hurt more than she wanted to admit that he could push her away so easily.
Suddenly feeling superfluous, Olivia asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking, “Do you want me to leave?”
His eyes flashed to hers and he said in a gruff voice, “No, Olivia. Of course, I don’t.”
She didn’t reply. But she still wanted an explanation as they continued to look at one another. Alex brought a hand to trail softly through her hair, his eyes soft yet guarded.
He finally spoke. His voice was gruff, as though the words were being torn from his throat, but Olivia didn’t interrupt. “I don’t like talking about my family. Specifically my father. When you asked if I was at my cousins’ a lot, I knew you would probably wonder why. And I try to avoid any subject that could lead to him.” She didn’t deny his probably accurate assumption and he continued. “My relationship with him has been ruined for a long time and right now we’re not on speaking terms. I only see him at family events. And I like to forget that most of the time.”
“Pushing it away won’t make it better,” she murmured quietly. She couldn’t imagine not talking to her dad.
“It’s complicated, Olivia. When I was growing up, my father could be unnecessarily cruel and I don’t think I’ve forgiven him for a lot of things.”
Olivia’s heart jumped at one particular thought and she felt dread creeping up on her. “Did he abuse you?”
Alex shook his head hesitantly. “Not physically, no.” He ran a hand over his closed eyes, his other hand still stroking her hair absentmindedly. “In the kitchen earlier, you asked me if I had a pet when I was younger.”
She nodded as trepidation sprang up. “Alex, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she whispered, her hand coming up to brush a lock of black hair off his forehead.
He shook his head, “I don’t mean to shut down on you and I’m sorry that I did. I’ve just avoided talking about him for so long it seems natural.” His eyes found hers again. “I had a dog once. But only for a little while. I had begged my mom for one for years and finally on my 14th birthday, she bought me this Golden Retriever puppy.” A light smile touched his lips. “It was a clumsy little thing with huge paws, but I loved him right away. I named him August, because that’s when I got him. My birthday month.”
She smiled softly, hearing the love in his voice for his pet. But her stomach tightened into knots as he continued.
“My father wasn’t happy about it, but I think my mom convinced him to let me keep it. But about a week later, we were playing in the backyard and I forgot to close the screen door. The sprinklers were on and it was muddy. We were both completely wet from running through them. And before I knew it, August bolted into the house because he heard my mom coming home from shopping. When I finally got inside, there was mud everywhere. Dirty water on the walls, mud smeared all over the rugs and floor. It was a complete mess.
“My dad came out of his office because he heard my mom scolding August and he went ballistic. Completely ballistic. I’d never seen him so angry in my life and that’s saying something.” Alex shook his head, swallowing hard. “I remember crying because I was scared at what he might do. I promised I would have it all cleaned up by dinner. He yelled at me to stop crying and that he never wanted to see any son of his crying again. He said it made me look weak. But I couldn’t stop.” He took a breath as Olivia’s heart ached for him, her eyes stinging hotly. “He took August away as punishment. He drove him to the pound that afternoon and I never saw him again. It took me three hours to clean up everything. My father watched me, making sure I got every fucking speck of dirt off. And at dinner, he pretended like nothing had ever happened. We never talked about it again and I never asked for another pet.”
Oh, Alex.
Olivia swallowed, her tears finally spilling over. “And your mom?”
Alex shook his head, not looking at her. “My mom never did anything. I think she was scared of him too. The mood he was in…there was no reasoning with him. I guess I couldn’t really blame her.”