I always wanted to be with them.
That’s just the way it was.
As a child you don’t comprehend how much impact relationships like ours can have on your life and the decisions that you needed to make. Especially when it came time for everyone to go their separate ways. Which was another thing I never considered.
Leaving.
My junior year was fast approaching and it was time for me to start thinking about the future.
My future.
What I wanted to do with my life and where I wanted to go. My parents told me they would pay for any college of my choice, though scholarships and grants would be easily attainable for me. I was a great student. Made honor roll ever since I could remember. That wasn’t what plagued me. I could get in anywhere.
There was a major difference between my boys and me.
I didn’t want to leave.
I loved Oak Island. It was home to me. I guess I assumed we would all attend Wilmington University and grow old here like our parents did. When the boys told me they were leaving because they wanted to live in a big city and do new things, I wanted to yell at them the same way I did when we were kids, and they told me something that didn’t make any sense, but I couldn’t.
It wouldn’t be fair to do that to them. I had to let them grow up, exactly the way I always had.
My mom had always told me that boys were different than girls. That we were made differently, and I never considered it to be true until they told me they were leaving so easily. The words flew from their mouths like the waves of the ocean. I pretended to be happy, ecstatic from the news even. My boys knew me well, so when they pulled me into tight hugs my eyes began to water. The older I got the harder it was to hold back my emotions. To keep them hidden like I did when I was a kid.
I guess I really did turn into a girl at some point.
Lucas had been spending more time with me and I knew it was for both our benefits. He would miss me as much as I would him.
That wasn’t even a question.
The answer was already ingrained in our hearts.
I didn’t know how long it would last, so I cherished it as much as I could not knowing when it might end. I started thinking about the future and how much it could really change. As soon as thoughts of love with other people crossed my mind I immediately shook it off.
I would rather be surprised than to expect it.
It was easier that way.
Or so I thought…
“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” Lucas asked while we were watching a movie on his bed.
“I’m watching the movie.”
“What’s it about?”
I looked from the TV to him. “Huh?”
“The movie, Half-Pint, what’s it about?” he grinned all knowing.
“Oh,” I smiled. “Is the movie too smart for you, Bo? Do you need me to explain it so that you understand?” I teased to no avail.
“You think that’s going to work on me? Give me some credit, Alex. What are you thinking about?”
“Why does it matter?”
He turned to face me. The intensity of his stare causing me to pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them in a comforting gesture.
“I can’t do this with you again,” he recalled with a familiar edge in his tone. “I can’t lose you again. I won’t, Alex. It doesn’t matter what happens between us, you have to be in my life and I don’t care if it’s just as my best friend. Know that I’ll take you any way I can. So, please tell me what you’re thinking, because I can guarantee you that every answer to your question is a no.”
The severity of his words shocked me to my core. Somewhere along the way my boy also grew up.
Into a man.
No longer the boy that I was in love with.
“I’m scared,” I half-whispered, and by the look on his face it wasn’t what he expected me to say.
“I’m scared that you’re moving away and you’re going to forget about me. I’m scared that you all will. I’m scared that nothing will ever be the same like it was when we were kids. I’m scared that I have no idea what I want to do with my life,” I paused to let my words sink in. “But mostly, I’m scared that we’re growing up and that our paths may never cross through the same direction, Bo. That we’re destined to remain in this friendship that I love so much, that I cherish with all my heart. The ups and downs are what make us, Bo and Half-Pint. What if that’s all we’ll ever have?”
He took in each and every word as if I recited his favorite song and then softly grabbed the sides of my face and looked deep into my eyes.
“I told you every answer was no,” he simply stated with a heartwarming look on his face before he leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose.
I wanted to remember this always.
Because what happened next…
I wanted to forget forever.
It was the Fourth of July.
Southport was the next town over and highway 211 was closed down every year for the Fourth of July Festival. Since 1972 over 40,000 tourists and residents gathered around to enjoy the day’s festivities. It was usually my favorite day of the year.
Not this year.
This year, my boys were leaving the very next day.
“Alex, honey, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the festival?” Mom asked as I cleaned my last table.
“I’m working,” I simply stated.
“Alex, you don’t need to be working. You’re missing the fun, you’re missing your boys. They leave tomorrow.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Oh, honey,” she sighed as she grabbed my arm, making me sit with her.
“That’s what this is about?”
I shrugged because I didn’t know what to say.
“They’re going to come back for every holiday and I bet some random weekends, too. You will visit when you can. I promise.”
“Right.”
“Oh, Alex, at times I wish we would have been more careful with you and those boys.”
That grabbed my attention, making me look up at her. “What?”
“You’re so attached to them. Sometimes I worry if that’s healthy for you.”
“I’m fine. I’m just sad, is all. They leave tomorrow and I don’t want to ruin their last day here.”
“Now you know that’s not true. Do you have any idea how many times Lucas has called the restaurant begging me to let you off work? Why did you tell them that we’re making you work? That couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“It was easier that way. If I didn’t, they would be sitting here instead of enjoying their last day on the island.”
“Easier for who?”
I bowed my head.
“I don’t have to tell you, but you know that you’re so young. You all are. Honey, your lives are going to go in separate directions eventually, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t be in each other’s lives at all.”
“How do you know that?”
“It comes with age.”
“It doesn’t feel that way to me.”
“Just trust me, Alex, for once, I promise. Your heart is here, which is true for all of you. Sometimes it takes leaving to know where you come from. To know where you belong.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and tugged me closer. “I love you, but if you don’t get the hell out of here right now. I’m going to fire you.”
I laughed.
“Now go!” She pushed me off the bench, smiled and left.
I went to the bathroom to change into a bikini under my dress. I let down my hair and put on some mascara, blush, and lip-gloss. After a few minutes I felt better about my appearance and walked out into the restaurant.
Cole sat on the exact bench that my mom and I were just on. I hadn’t been spending much time with him since he arrived on the island. I gave Lucas and the boys my undivided attention. Cole never complained about it, he knew they were leaving. We still talked on the phone and texted all the time. He was there for me as he had always been. The past summer’s incident was long forgotten.
Boys will be boys.
“What are you doing here?”
He grinned, his dimples prominently on full display. “Is that anyway to say hello, Darlin’?”
“Hello. What are you doing here?” I sassed and he chuckled, standing in front of me.
“I’m waiting for you.”
I cocked my head to the side.
“I hear there’s this beach party in Southport after the festival and seeing as the festival is over and it’s almost sunset, I’m assuming the party is just now getting good.”
I shook my head, confused. “I’m not much for those types of parties, Cole.”
“I’m aware of that, but I’m here now. Don’t you want me to have the full Fourth of July experience?”
“The festival is the experience.”
“You’re the experience. Fuck the festival.”
I smiled, blushing. The boy had a way with words that still made me blush like it was the first time I had spoken to him.
I nodded. “Fine.”
“Great. My car’s out front.”
We rode in silence while I tried to ignore the uneasy feeling knowing what awaited us.
Lucas.
“What are you doing here?” I asked Alex with pretty boy standing beside her. “I thought you were working?”
She looked from me to him even though my eyes were solely focused on her.
“Oh, I was but my mom said to go hang out. It was slow so she said to leave early.”