Color Blind(47)

“Yes, momma, I would! Can I have marshmallows in it?”



I nodded my head indicating that she could as I made my way into the kitchen. As I filled the cup with water, tears began to blur my vision. Dale walked in and noticed my shoulders heaving as I cried silently by the sink.



He walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, “Hey, it’s going to be okay. We won’t let anything happen.”



At my melting point, I broke down. “Let’s go into my bedroom for a minute,” I sat the cup of water on the counter.



Once we were inside the bedroom, I shut the door to prevent Nevaeh from overhearing what I was about to say. Dale looked at me with concern in his eyes; this was going to be bad.



“What’s going on?” he asked.



“I don’t know how to say this to you. I—I’m almost ashamed to admit this to you,” I paused, looking away. The tears began to flow. “I’m just so stressed out. I know that she’s sick and needs medical help, but I can’t afford it. I’ve maxed out my credit card, I have almost no cash, business has picked up some, but it’s not been great and I hardly have any of Nevaeh’s presents bought. She was actually hoping for a tablet this year. Before she came out of remission with her symptoms, I told her to pray to God and ask Santa to bring it and maybe she’d get it. I don’t even have fifty bucks to go buy one of those small, cheap tablets! And the doctor keeps ordering all this testing….” My voice broke as sobs washed over me.



“Kimberly, it’s not the end of the world. She needs this medical testing and she needs you. She needs you to be strong for her and show her that everything’s going to be all right. I know that I offered to pay for everything before, and you shot me down, but would you consider it now? Please?”



“I’m sure you mean well, but I can’t just let you pay for everything,” I said, wiping my nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.



“Listen, Kimberly, you’re my girlfriend, not some charity case. You and that little girl on the couch out there mean the world to me. I had an idea; don’t interrupt, just hear me out,” he asserted.



I nodded my head, still sniffling with my tears as I wiped my cheeks dry.



“I’ve actually put quite a bit of thought into this; it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now. I realize that you won’t take my money, you’re not that type of person, but what if I was able to get the money to you in a different way?”



Now he had my attention; I was listening.



“What if I didn’t give you the money?” he asked, putting the word give into air quotes as he said it. “I’d like to hold a fundraiser, and call it the “Nevaeh Fund.” I will personally finance all of her medical bills and procedures. All money raised from the fund will directly go to help benefit other children with her condition.”



He looked into my eyes, trying to gauge my reaction, but my face was blank as I tried to process his words.



“Can I be honest with you?” I asked. “No man has ever been this good or kind to us, why are you? Why do you care so much? I mean, I appreciate what you’re proposing, but what’s your motivation to do it?” I asked out of curiosity.



“I’ve never seen someone as pure as you, so genuine. Kimberly, you may not realize this, but you’ve shown me that people with good hearts really do exist. Your love for Nevaeh is something that I wish I would’ve had with my own mother; I want you to have the best in life. Please, let me help you.”



“Let me think about it. I need time.”



Dale’s words replayed through my mind. How can I not take his help? This could make a huge difference in my baby’s life; how can I deny her of that? I knew there was no way that I could pay for all of this, it would take years based on my salary. The jig was up. I struggled with the fact that I might have to swallow my pride and accept his help. Does that make me a bad mother for taking his money? And how dare he publicize my need? On the same token, I was so touched that he would go through all of the trouble to organize an event on our behalf. It could also help other families that are in the same financial struggle that I am. I had no choice but to resign myself to the fact that I had no choice but to agree to the fundraiser and accept Dale’s help.



I hated the fact that I needed to accept his offer and how ashamed it made me feel. With all of these emotions coursing through me, I wore myself down as I pondered how accepting his generous offer may affect our relationship as I drifted off to sleep that night. I knew it would make a difference in Nevaeh’s life, and it could make a difference in the lives of other children. But would he still love me, or would I now become a mission to him—someone to fix instead of someone to love? I wanted more than ever to believe nothing would change, or more truthfully that money wouldn’t change our relationship. My heart wants to believe it; now if I can just get my head on board. I held onto that as I finally fell asleep.