He hated lying. Hated that he felt the need to. Mentioning Noah at all, made him raw. Like he opened a window inside himself and that his family would be able to see everything. That they’d somehow know.
“We’re so proud of your, Cooper. Even if you don’t come and see us enough.” His aunt smiled.
“Wasn’t always sure,” Vernon added. “You were an emotional thing when you were a kid.”
“Vernon.” Autumn warned.
“I’m not saying anything the boy doesn’t know, dear. He always was a little sensitive to things, and damn did you like trouble.” He smiled at Cooper. “A wild thing, you were.”
Coop didn’t know whether to smile, or be pissed. Was it wrong to be emotional about losing your parents? That he hadn’t been able to get over it quickly? That I’m still not over it. But then…he liked the comments about being wild. He’d always been that way. Just wanted to have fun and live life to the fullest. He and Noah did some crazy shit that they’d been much too young to do.
We’re doing crazy shit now…
Stuff that he loved.
“But your aunt is right. We’re proud of you. You grew into a good man. A damn good fire fighter as well.”
Pride pumped the length of Cooper’s body. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” It meant everything to him.
They finished eating lunch, talking and visiting. Autumn showed Cooper a new quilt she was making and Vernon talked about fishing, and how bored he was now that he retired. He’d always kept busy. He used to take Cooper, and sometimes Noah on all sorts of camping trips when they were younger. Vernon always said a man belonged outside and he lived his life that way as well. Cooper knew it had to be tough for him, not to be able to do as much and to need to be here with Autumn.
Cooper had been there for a couple hours when Autumn asked, “What time is it? Beverly is supposed to be here this evening.”
“I didn’t know you were having company. I could have come another day.” Cooper told her. Beverly was one of women his aunt sewed with. They’d met since Vernon and Autumn moved to Fenton and were really close.
“It was slightly a spur of the moment thing. She just called yesterday and I didn’t want to cancel. She’s going through some things with her son and needed to talk.”
“Ungrateful bastard her son is, if you ask me. It’s wrong what he’s doing to his mama,” Vernon added, with an angry lash of his tongue.
“Oh, Vernon, stop. It’s none of our business. It’s their concern. It’s easy for us to point fingers from the outside.”
“Point fingers? What the hell else is there to understand, Autumn?” Vernon looked at Cooper and shook his head. “The guy comes to dinner at his mama’s house with another man. Says it’s his boyfriend and she needs to accept it or have nothing to do with him. He damn near gave her a heart attack. Poor woman has been in tears for days. How’s she supposed to act when he springs being a faggot on her?”
Ice filled Cooper’s veins. His jaw tightened as he fought the urge to grind his teeth together. He hated that fucking word. He wanted to tell his uncle to watch his mouth. His instincts exploded inside him, to defend this guy he didn’t even know.
Because now I’m like him?
No, because it was the right thing to do.
“You know I don’t like that word, Vernon. And like I said, it’s their business. I’m just going to be there for Beverly. She loves her son. She doesn’t understand what happened to him…where she went wrong.”
Autumn’s words were an echo in Cooper’s head. Is that what they would think if they found out he was with Noah? That they’d done something wrong in raising him?
Not that he was really with Noah.
No, I just have him in my bed every night, and love nothing more than when he has his hands or his mouth on me.
“It’s not her fault, her son is letting his own family down,” Vernon told her. “What kind of man comes to his mama and drops something like that in her lap? He’s a grown man. If he was fag, he would have been before now.”
The urge to vomit crawled up Coop’s throat, questions he asked himself before this thing with Noah started, but had since pushed from his mind, finding their way to the forefront again. He’d always been with women. Loved women. How could he be interested in a man now? It wasn’t who he was. This whole thing wasn’t Cooper.
But the way he makes me feel…invincible. Incredible. Fucking buoyant.
But could he do it? It was like he’d tried to live in a bubble with Noah the past couple weeks. Could it go any further than that? Hell, Cooper didn’t even know how to be gay. Not that that made any sense, but everyone knew he was always with women. If things kept going, how could he ever step out with Noah? People wouldn’t get it. He didn’t get it, and the thought of letting Vernon down after all he’d done for him, made that ice inside him start to take over again.