Collide(29)

“I want to…God damn, do I want to but…I just can’t.” It didn’t make sense. Whatever he was feeling right now would pass. People didn’t suddenly turn gay.

“Then, we shouldn’t. I think I knew that from the beginning. I know how you are, man. You don’t back down. You don’t want to seem scared and you’re always looking for the next adventure. I can’t be your adventure, Coop.”

He shook his head. “That’s bullshit. I wouldn’t. Not with you—”

Noah stepped closer. Close enough that Cooper could see the outline of those fucking nipple rings through his shirt. He wanted to grab them with his teeth.

Coop stepped backward and Noah said, “You wouldn’t mean to. And…hell, I just got out of a relationship with someone who wasn’t ready for the world to know who he was.”

The words hit him straight in the chest, reminding Cooper that this wasn’t new for Noah. He’d been with men before. Fucked them. If Cooper were to be with him, would Noah expect to fuck him too?

The shaking came back, rocking more than just his hands. His chest, head, heart, world, and anything else. No. He’d made the right decision. There was no way he could do this.

He studied Noah’s hands. Imagined them on himself.

Then why do I still want to…?

“So…we’re cool? I don’t want to lose your friendship, man.” Not after how it’d felt all those years ago.

“Yeah. We’re cool. I’m going to head out for a few hours, okay? I have some stuff to take care of.” Noah headed for the door.

“Where—” Cooper cut himself off. It didn’t matter where Noah was going. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he teased. Noah looked over his shoulder and grinned at him, before walking out. Christ, that fucking grin. But it hadn’t been completely right, had it? It hadn’t taken away the sadness in his eyes.

Cooper stood still, closed his eyes and breathed, trying not to wonder where Noah was going. Trying not to imagine him with another man. Trying not to remember the feel of his calloused hands rasping across his skin.

Trying not to miss it.





CHAPTER NINE



Noah wouldn’t let them lose their friendship again, so after he went off and pouted like a horny teenager that first night, he made himself get his shit under control. He made sure he didn’t hide away in his room when Cooper was home, and they worked together on the house. They fixed Cooper’s shower, and whatever else Noah could think of, to get back to the place where there was no sexual tension between them.

It wasn’t easy. Just like it wasn’t easy to keep from admiring the way Cooper moved or how he spoke, but he found a way.

Cooper said it wasn’t something he could do. Noah didn’t lose himself in people who didn’t want him. He learned that, while growing up; seeing the way his father would do anything for his mom, regardless of how many times she hurt him.

He could tell things were a little harder for Coop at first, but like his friend always did, he came around. All it took was a few jokes, and they were solid.

They were getting back to normal.

God Damn, he still wished he could have him though.

“Hey. You decent?” Cooper said from behind Noah’s bedroom door. It was only open a sliver.

Do you wish I was, or I wasn’t? He wondered. “Yep.” Coop slid the door open and Noah asked, “What’s up?”

“One of the guys from the firehouse needs some help painting an old barn. Told him I’d come. He’s looking for a few extra hands. You in?”

Noah shrugged before getting off his bed. “Sure.”

Cooper didn’t fully meet his eyes. “Sounds good. I’ll meet you downstairs in ten.”

Fuck. Maybe things weren’t as back to normal as he thought they were. Noah was already wearing a pair of basketball shorts. They were what he lounged around the house in more often than not, anyway. Walking over to his dresser, he tried to push all thoughts of Cooper out of his mind, before grabbing an old T-shirt and putting it on.

He pulled shoes out of his closet, put them on and then headed for the living room to wait for Cooper. When Noah got there, Coop was sitting on his brown leather couch.

“You ready?” Cooper stood.

“Yeah, let’s go.” It was a quick drive to the guy’s house. There were three other men standing out front when they arrived. Before they got out, Cooper looked like he was going to say something, but didn’t. A rock settled in the pit of Noah’s stomach. He knew exactly what it had to do with. It wasn’t like he’d been in town long enough for people to know a lot about him. He wasn’t sure anyone even knew he was gay. It wasn’t something that he hid, but he didn’t go around introducing himself as ‘Noah the gay guy’ either.