"I should have recused myself from this case with the first body. I should have come clean about that night. I'm not fit for duty." He pulled his badge off his belt and laid it on the table. He'd have to pull some strings outside of the department to find out Drew's condition.
"Nathan, no," Marcus argued. "Don't walk away. Not like this."
"Tell the Sheriff … Hell, I don't care what you tell him. You're in charge until he gets back. I … can't do this anymore, Marcus." Nathan backed away from the badge and the table and started for the door. He carried the box of notebooks. He wasn't ready to confess everything.
"What are you going to do now?" Marcus took his badge before the agent could. He put it in his pocket.
"I think I'm going to take some time and be with my family. I don't need the money. I need to live." He knew he wished for something that could never be. Peace. He just wanted a little bit of peace.
"Sounds like a plan," Marcus said, a pitying smile in his eyes. "I'm not accepting your resignation. I'm putting you on extended leave. Take the summer. Take the rest of the year. Take as long as you need. The badge will be here when you're ready to take it back." Marcus reached out his hand and Nathan took it. They'd been friends a long time. He pulled Nathan in for a hug. "And take this somewhere and burn it." He handed the file back to Nathan. "Burn that shit," he said and walked away.
Nathan followed. He had nothing left to say to the FBI. They could kiss his ass for all he cared.
"Nathan, a moment," Morgan called out.
Jesus. Nathan closed his eyes, wishing the asshole would just shut the hell up.
"Senator Walker has his condition on a need-to-know basis. She blames the FBI. She's pissed and gone Mama Bear."
"Senator Walker?" Nathan turned back to face the man. Wondering if he'd lost his goddamned mind. "Arnette Walker? The Tennessee … " He reached out for the wall hoping to steady himself. "She's his mother?"
"Not many people know. If … I'm surprised you didn't know. Considering your relationship."
"He never confided that information." Nathan wondered how much Morgan knew of their involvement. "Why would he?"
"He told me," Morgan said as if he were gloating, the look faded. "Anyway, the need-to-know is that he's alive. He is critical. Watch the news. If there's a change for the worse, I'm sure she'll make an announcement."
Nathan absorbed that. "You sound like you give a shit."
He sighed and closed his eyes. "I did. A long time ago. Before he was assigned to my office. We ended it. Didn't matter. He wasn't available. Not really."
Nathan nodded. He had no clue how to respond. "Good hunting," he said instead and walked out of the room.
The deputies and staff on duty waited for him. He didn't get out of the station without saying goodbye. Or without tears.
The house was quiet when he got home. His family had gone. The kitchen was clean. There was a plate wrapped in foil in the fridge. He grabbed a beer. He couldn't think about food. Not yet.
Quinn was in the shower. Nathan sat on the bed, drinking. He could so easily go down to the kitchen and kill a six-pack. He finished the one beer and set it on his table. He stripped and kicked the clothes into the corner. Pulling out the only suitcase left in the closet, he dressed in a pair of cargo pants and a worn t-shirt and started filling the case.
"Going somewhere?" He didn't hear the shower turn off. He didn't hear Quinn walk into the room. He wore a towel around his waist and a distant look on his face. As if he were waiting for his world to implode one more time.
"Disney World," Nathan said, his hands trembling. "I've never been. I thought maybe … I thought we could take our daughter. While there's still time. Is there still time?"
Relief flooded Quinn's face. He looked so fragile in that moment, but Nathan couldn't go to him. He didn't have the strength. Not yet. "I've never been either. We should be there for her first time. We should … before … while there's still time. She'll be grown up and married before we know it."
Nathan wiped at his face. "I resigned tonight. There's plenty of time."
Quinn dropped the towel as he rushed to Nathan. He didn't say a word. Nathan folded him into his arms and held him. They stood holding each other for a long time.
"So … road trip?" Quinn asked when he finally let go. "I should get dressed."