Cocky Roomie_ A Bad Boy Romance Novel(48)

“I know.” He sighs and does that thing with his hat again. Damn the muscles on these Cocker boys. No wonder they think they can get away with anything and have you still sticking around like some piece of furniture.

I pull my knees up and tuck the blanket more tightly. “I’m waitin’.”

Jason throws the hat across the room and says, “I was in love with her.”

My jaw drops. “With Bernie?” He nods. “You and Bernie?”

“I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. And I’m in the music business. She was a model. So we both ran in the same fucked-up circles.” His eyes lock on mine. “Drew, she was in love with me, too. At least, I think she was. I’m not really positive on that, because the drugs fuck with her and who knows what the hell she feels anymore.” He shakes his head with memories clogging his mind as he looks away from me.

I am utterly stunned. Jason and Bernie. And Jake slept with his brother’s ex? That’s even worse than what he did to me. Well, kind of. Honor is honor, after all. If you don’t have a moral code to stand by, you fall. And you take down the people who love you.

“Ah Drew, it was a hard time. I got into drugs when I was with Bernie. You don’t understand. I thought she was everything. I’d never met anyone so damned easy on the eyes, and she’s real good at making a man feel special.” He pauses. “But when I met her she was already using. She brought me into it. The two of us together, it was a fucking disaster. Our bank accounts got sucked dry. Work vanished. Justin told Jake and Jeremy, and they both called Jaxson and before you know it, I was in the middle of a fucking Cocker Brothers intervention.”

Frowning at how painful that must have been for all of them, I whisper, “I’m so sorry, Jason.”

He lays his head in his hands. “It’s okay. I wasn’t addicted to the stuff. Not really. I don’t have that gene. But I was addicted to Bernie. Even when I went cold turkey under their orders, I ignored them when they said to leave her. I stayed with her, followed her around like a bodyguard. I begged her to let me take her to rehab. She wouldn’t go.” He looks at me with real pain in his eyes. I nod to tell him I understand. He inhales and continues, “Things got worse, with all the…guys…” Jason rubs his face with both hands and shakes his head out like a dog after a jump in the lake.

“She has a lot of admirers,” I whisper, remembering all the men who were always at her place. “She’s very beautiful. Even in her addiction.”

He nods and looks at me. There’s something in his expression I can’t read, like he wants to say more, but the story’s too big for just us. “Yeah, a lot of admirers,” he says almost to himself.

“Why are you tellin’ me this, Jason?”

“Because I want you to know that when she knocked on Jake’s door…” He pauses. The idea is just as hideous to him as it is to me. “…it was to get back at me. She hated that I fell out of love with her, that I stopped coming around after months of her refusing to get help. And maybe – God I hate to say this, but I know her, so it’s probably true – maybe she did it to break your feelings for him, so you’d stay with her.”

My brain is spinning. So he’s okay with Jake fucking his ex? He forgives Jake? I guess blood really does run deep.

“I don’t have feelings for Jake,” I whisper, my heart telling me otherwise.

“…Because, Drew, she’s very manipulative. It’s the drugs. It’s not her, but the drugs are her, now.” He rubs his face again. “God, I fucking hate cocaine. I’ll never touch the stuff again.” Jason’s shoulders start shaking and I realize in surprise that he’s crying. I go and put my arms around him. He leans into me and cries, covering his face. “I loved her so much,” he rasps.

“She’s lovable. She really is. I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so, so sorry, but you can’t blame yourself. I know that sounds cliché, but clichés exist because they’re very common truths.” I pet his head and whisper, “Bernie won’t quit until she wants to quit.”

He nods and sniffs, pulling away in a manly, I-can-handle-it gesture. He wipes his face and won’t look me in the eye now. “Yeah. I know. It sucks.”

I sigh, “It does,” handing him a corner of the blanket.

He wipes his cheeks with it. “Don’t tell my brothers about this, okay?”

“Never will. I promise.”

He’s staring forward with his nose all red. We sit silently for a few moments then he rises up and retrieves his hat, smoothing down his dark-blonde hair before putting it on. “I’ve got a busy day in the morning, so…”