He chuckles, “Depends on the answer.”
“God, you’re unbelievably frustrating!” I sit back, exasperated. “Edward said that mothers don’t work. They should be home for the children.”
Jake tosses the paper yet again, this time disgusted. “What the fuck? You have kids? Why aren’t they with you?”
“Oh please!” I snap with fire in my eyes. “If I had children they wouldn’t leave my sight!” Torn by defending myself and being mortified by my past choices – being so gullible – I explain with all the pain that this memory brings up, “I’ve never had the joy of bein’ pregnant, Jake. There are no children waitin’ for me to come home. He kept promisin’ that next year would be the year. But then time would pass and he’d put it off again. Always when I was about to look for work of my own, gain some independence, that’s when he’d reel me back in. I found out later that he’d had a Vasectomy without my knowledge. He’d been lyin’ all along, just to control me.” I pause and stare at my hands. “You know how I found out? Our doctor called to confirm his appointment to reverse the Vasectomy, which apparently they can do. Like an idiot, I asked, ‘What vasectomy?’ to a doctor who’d known me since I was just a girl. It was terrible. To make things so much worse, he wasn’t reversin’ it for me. No, I got that call after he told me he was leavin’ me for Debra Morales, a woman who worked with him, if you can believe the irony.”
I am blinking away pain as I remember the pretty brunette I saw watching me in church that one morning. I knew in my gut that something was very personal about how she stared at us, but I ignored it.
Forcing a laugh, I tell him the finale of it all. The part that I still have a hard time believing, had it not been my own momma who told me. “She’s pregnant now, this Debra person. With his daughter, I’m told. So, yay Edward. A father after all. And she’s keeping her job.”
Jake was silent during all of that. He surprises me by rising up and coming around the desk. Confused, I stare at him as he pulls me from my chair and gives me a bear hug that tears my heart to pieces.
“I’m so sorry, Drew,” he whispers, squeezing me harder. The kindness is too much for me. I slip my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder, fighting back tears. He rocks me with heartfelt sincerity. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t expect you to be nice!” I croak.
“Yeah, well…I’ve got a soft spot for family. He was yours. He shouldn’t have hurt you like that.”
Jake keeps rocking me for a long while until all my muscles are puddles.
He releases me and I’m so desperate for the comfort that I can’t look away from him. I wait for him to go back to his seat or tell me that the interview is over, or…something! But he’s silently holding my shocked gaze, his lips set in a firm line.
All I want to do is bury myself into his strength again.
I want his arms around me a little longer.
I step close and touch his face. He blinks at me like he’s making a hard decision, then out of the blue leans down and captures me in a kiss. We stay with our lips pressed hard together like this as electricity courses through our bodies. His jaw unlocks and he claims my mouth with the best kiss I’ve ever had. Our tongues dance together as he fists my hair and pulls my head back so he can kiss me deeper. I moan into his openness and he groans into mine as his hands travel down my back and rest my ass. He gasps for breath and stares down at me.
“There’s no turning back if we keep this up. Now’s your chance to keep your promise about never fucking me.”
The strength of his fingers gripping me close to him feels so good, and the pressure of his erection against me can’t be ignored. I don’t know if it’s because he’s leaving and I’ll miss hearing him move around the apartment, or the leaving means there’s no chance of getting too attached to a guy I know can’t return the affections in the way I need, or the relief from sharing my shameful secret and him being so kind about it. I don’t know why, but instead of turning him away, I whisper, “Just this once.”
“Just this once, what, Drew?” he rasps into my neck as he presses rough kisses into it.
“Just this once make my pain go away.”
He looks at me with a hunger I’ve never seen before in anyone. Jake takes possession of my mouth until I’m trembling. He reaches to his desk, wiping everything but the computer off it with one swift motion. Papers go flying. The calculator hits the ground with a thud as Jake lifts and plants me on the desk, separating my legs. My eyelids feel heavy with need as I lace my fingers into his hair and watch him kneel in front of me to hike up my skirt. His fingers don’t hesitate. They dip underneath my pink panties and slide into my secret, swollen folds.