Carla lifted my shirt over my head as I closed my eyes again. She was kissing down my chest as my intoxicated mind imagined it was Aubrey.
Aubrey.
Aubrey.
Aubrey.
Carla gently pushed me back further onto the bed. She started to open my belt buckle as I continued to lay down. When my cock sprung free into the cold air and she started to stroke me, I knew she was about to take me into her mouth. Something deep within me screamed, “Don’t do it.”
I slid my body back suddenly before pulling up my underwear. Standing up, I zipped my pants.
Moving my fingers through my hair, I looked down at the ground and shook my head. “I can’t do this.” Grabbing my shirt and slipping it back over my head, I said, “I’m so sorry.”
With her hands on her hips, Carla bit her lower lip and nodded in understanding. “It’s okay, Aussie.”
“It’s not you…it’s just—”
“Her. I know. It’s her.”
“I’m just not ready to—”
She spoke louder. “You don’t have to explain, Chance.”
Carla looked sad. I hated hurting her feelings, but being with her like that didn’t feel right at all.
“I’ll get dressed and go, okay?”
“You don’t have to leave.”
“I really should.”
After she put her clothes on, Carla came over to where I was standing and kissed me gently on the cheek. “One day she’s going to wake up and regret it. I hope by that time, you’ve found the one you’re really meant to be with. Because it’s not her.”
“Thank you, Carla Babes. Thank you for everything.”
“Please come back someday when your head’s on straight again, will you, Aussie? I want to know that you’re happy.”
“I will. I promise.”
Just like that, Carla drove away into the night.
Left with a minor case of blue balls, I retreated to the shower. Letting the warm water run down on me, I squirted some shampoo into my palm and fisted my cock into my hands, jerking it roughly. Despite best efforts to block her from my mind, all I could think about was Aubrey as I stroked myself. Visions of her rubbing her clit while we masturbated together in my bathroom infiltrated my brain. I jerked myself harder and imagined coming inside of her instead of my hand. As I finished, my thoughts were spiraling out of control. I leaned against the tile wall, overcome with emotion as the orgasm shook me.
Fuck you, Aubrey.
Fuck you.
I hate you.
I love you.
I hate you.
I love you.
Shit.
I still love you so much.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Back in Hermosa Beach the following Sunday, I still hadn’t heard from her. I refused to reach out first, especially knowing what I knew. If she didn’t care enough to at least call me to let me know what was going on, then I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of contacting her.
A flock of seagulls followed me as I walked along the beach near my loft. Kicking the sand, I wondered where my life would go from here, how I would spend my days without the focus on getting Aubrey back. More than anything, I wondered how I could possibly make myself forget her long enough to move on.
Picking a spot, I sat down and gazed out into the ocean. The water was rough. A brisk wind blew some sand into my eyes. A few surfers rode the choppy waves in the distance. A group of people were playing volleyball a few feet away. One of the girls ran over to me.
“Hey, we need another player. Want to join?”
Why the hell not? A distraction certainly couldn’t hurt. “Yeah. Alright.” Lifting my sluggish body off the ground, I joined a guy and a girl on one side of the net. Repeatedly serving the ball under arm, I kept my team in the lead for several games.
At one point, we took a break, and the only other guy player went to fetch some waters for us from the beach concession stand. When he returned, he was cracking up.
“Dude, you’re never gonna believe what I just saw.”
“What’s that, Mate?”
“There was a chick in line with a goat on a leash.”
I dropped the ball. “Say what?”
“A goddamn goat on a leash! This smoking hot chick, too. She wa—”
“Where?”
He pointed in the direction from which he came.
When I immediately took off, one of the girls yelled from behind me. “Hey, don’t leave! We’re starting another game.”
“Play without me,” I shouted without looking back.
My heart felt like it was beating unnaturally fast.
When I got to the concession stand, no one was in line. Looking around frantically, I wondered if it were possible that this were just a coincidence. A goat on a leash? No way. She was here.