“It’s not my fault. If you weren’t so uptight about your sexuality, you would have been calm when I found your magic wand.”
I stopped petting the goat’s head. “I am not uptight about my sexuality.”
Chance folded his arms across his chest. “Admit that you pleasure yourself then. I want to hear you say it.”
“I will do no such thing.”
“Uptight.”
“Pervert.”
“A pervert is someone who has sexual behavior that is wrong or unacceptable. That’s your problem. You think pleasuring yourself is wrong. I find it perfectly acceptable. In fact, I rather like the thought of you using your little magic wand.”
I was pretty sure my eyes resembled the poor goat’s—bulging from my head. Just then, a truck whizzed by us. One of those double trailers that always made me nervous to drive near. A whoosh of wind in its wake reminded me how close to the road we actually were.
“Come on. It’s dangerous out here,” Chance said.
“What are we going to do with Esmerelda?”
“Who?”
“Him.” I scratched my nails behind the goat’s ear, and he made a low humming noise that sounded like he was saying, “mommmm.”
“Let him go.” Chance waved his arm in the direction of the wooded area behind him. “Back where he came from. He’s fine.”
“He’s not fine.”
“Looks fine to me.”
“I think he has a head injury.”
Chance shook his head. “He’s fine. Watch.” He clapped his hands and made kissing sounds as if he were calling a dog. “Come on buddy. This way.”
Esmerelda made no effort to move, quite content with her head pressed against my chest and her body between my legs.
“You need to let go of him.”
“I’m not holding him here.”
“Not physically. But he’s got his head buried between your cleavage and his body between your thighs. No male is going to walk away from that willfully.”
“See. Told you. Pervert.”
Another truck flew past. This time he sat on his horn as he breezed by, and I went from squatting down to tumbling back onto my ass. The goat…well, he took one step and fell over again—all four legs stood straight up in the air. I couldn’t believe I’d damaged such an adorable baby goat.
“See. He’s hurt. We can’t leave him here.”
“What do you expect us to do for him? Belt him into the backseat of the car and take him to a veterinarian for a full work up?”
Two hours later, we were finally pulling off the highway in Sterling, Colorado to take our passenger to the Sterling Animal Hospital. It had taken Chance nearly a half-hour to unpack and repack the back of my car to make room. He wasn’t happy about it.
“Snowflake?”
“No.”
“It’s from the children’s book…”
“Heidi. Yes. I know.”
“You do?”
“What? You just assume I’m uneducated because I don’t walk around with a stick up my ass like your Harrison?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh yeah? So what made you assume I wouldn’t know a classic literature story?”
“I don’t know. You just don’t seem like the type.”
“Well maybe you should stop typecasting people. Not everyone fits into neat little compartments you know.”
We were both silent for a while, with only the woman’s voice from my GPS interrupting occasionally to direct us to turn.
“Mutton.”
“Excuse me?”
“For the goat. A name.”
“We are not naming him mutton! That’s sadistic.” We’d been arguing over names for the last hour or so. I favored names from Greek mythology or classic literature, whereas Chance wanted to name him one of the many dinners the poor baby could be turned into.
We arrived at the animal hospital, pulling up to an open spot right in front of the door. I made Chance carry the little guy, even though the door was only about ten feet away. Holding Esmerelda Snowflake, he looked…hot.
Was I that demented? Because I actually thought he was even sexier carrying a goat.
Inside, the women at the front desk confirmed it wasn’t just me. Their eyes feasted on the bulge of his biceps as he carried our injured passenger to the front desk. He was quite the sight. I started to smile. Until he spoke.
“My friend slammed her BMW into this little guy while she was trying to get a grip on her vibrator.” He smirked at me and winked at the receptionist. She blushed. I wanted to punch him.
“I’d like to get him checked out. I didn’t think I hit him, but he just seems…off.”