The term "easier said than done" comes to mind. Because trying to stop thinking about Oliver Beckett is like trying to stop tonguing the cut in your mouth, or ignoring that mosquito that just won't stop buzzing around your ear.
On the one hand, I took the tube home grinning from the restaurant, gleeful, bursting with pride for leaving him in the lurch like that. There's something empowering in saying no to a man like Oliver, and leaving him with that look on his face was a like a rush of adrenaline right to the heart.
Except there's the other side of that. The side where walking away from and saying no to a man like that - a man that entwines himself into your psyche like that and a man that has you literally whimpering at his touch - leaves you just as wound up and just as frustrated as you left him.
Hours later, hours after I walked away feeling so smug and self-assured, I'm still fighting to say no to him - this time, in my head. Hours later, I'm still trying to ignore the touch of his hands on me, the feel of his lips grazing my neck, and the tickling tease of his words, deep and dark in my ear.
Hours later, my body is still keyed up and on fire for him, my blood pumping a little faster, my cheeks still a little hotter.
My panties still a little wetter.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying once again to just will sleep to come to me, and once again to no avail.
Forget Oliver. I mean honestly, he's probably out with some skank at this very moment. Oh, what, I "left him high and dry"? A man like that? I almost want to laugh. A man like that probably had some other girl screaming his name barely an hour after I left him.
The thought makes me sick, and that makes it even worse.
But then, I keep thinking about how it felt when he almost kissed me; how he felt pressed against me. How the softness of his lips and the scratch of his stubble across the curve of my neck sent shivers down my back and sent shockwaves through my core that I'm still reeling from, here in my bed.
"You want it, don't you? You want me to bend you over this table right here and fill you up with every inch of this cock don't you, luv?"
I bite my lip and close my eyes as his words come flooding back to me, feeling the creeping flood of heat rush through my body.
"Or maybe; maybe you'd want my tongue."
God. And as much as I want to deny it, as much as I want to pretend it's not from him, I'm suddenly dripping wet and burning up between my legs. I squeeze my thighs together, moaning softly at the feel of the heat there before I let my traitorous thoughts take over. My hands slide down my stomach to the waist of my panties, hooking my thumbs in and slowly peeling them down my thighs.
"I've got a wicked tongue, darling."
And just like that, I'm caving. Hours later, I'm finally giving in to Oliver Beckett, finally surrendering my body to him, even if it is only inside my head.
I gasp as my fingers slide against my pussy, finding my center and pushing inside. Oliver might be in my head right now, but the effect he has on me is quite real, here in the shadows of my bedroom.
In my head, I'm imagining that tongue of his. I'm imagining that dirty, cockney-accented mouth of his whispering all sorts of crude things to me as he bends me over the table and trails kisses down my back. My other hand strokes my thigh, imagining his lips teasing the skin there, before moving up and kissing me where I truly want him to.
I moan as I sink my fingers deep, curling them against that spot just inside as my thumb teases over the aching nub of my clit. In my dreams, it's his fingers, and his tongue on my pussy though. My pulse races and my breath catches in my throat as I rock myself higher.
I'm biting my lip, trying to hold in the moan, when I hear the front door slam shut downstairs. I freeze. There are footsteps on the stairs, and thank God I only hear one set of footsteps instead of the click of heels from some girl he's bringing home. The thought of him playing porn again all night enters my head then, and I groan, sliding my finger out of my wetness and shoving a pillow over my head.
He's at the top of the stairs then, and I'm silent as I wait for him to go into his room and shut the door. But then without warning, it's my door that's suddenly opening as Oliver steps into my bedroom.
I gasp and rip the pillow away from my face as I yank the covers up tight to my neck, "What the fuck are you doing?" I hiss, glaring at him and hating that it was that face I was just imaging between my legs at the height of my denied release.
"Look, I just wanted to, uh..." His jaw tightens, like he doesn't know what comes next in this conversation past barging into my personal space.
I glare at him, "You just wanted to barge into my room?"
"Hey, who came barging in on who, sweetheart," he growls. "You know I never asked for a new pastry cook, let alone a fucking flatmate."
"Oh please, like I had a choice!" I throw back, hugging the blankets up tight to my chin and praying to God that he thinks the flush and the guilty look on my face is from the yelling, not the fact that I was...well, you know.
"Listen luv, what you and I-"
"There's no ‘you and I' here, Oliver."
"You know what I fucking mean," he narrows his eyes at me, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against my doorframe. "Before, back on that fucking exchange trip."
"We do not need to go there," I shake my head, souring my face like I've just bit into a lemon. As if somehow, physically reacting to the idea of bringing up the past drives it home.
"Yes, we do," he growls, taking a step towards my bed, his eyes locked onto mine.
I instinctively grab the sheets a little tighter and he smirks; he fucking smirks, like he totally knows.
He arches a brow at me, "I don't suppose you want to show me what's under that sheet." And then he fucking winks at me.
Oh my God, he's so forward.
"You suppose right," I say, stiffening and biting my lip.
"If I guess will you show me?" He says with a grin, moving closer until he's standing right next to my bed.
"No," I say, which sounds a whole lot more like maybe to even me.
Oliver sits on the edge of my bed, and I can practically feel the temperature in the room start to rise; I can feel the tingling in my leg from where his body touches mine through the sheet.
My very bare, very unclothed leg, I remind myself, chewing on my lip.
"You need to leave," I say quietly.
"Yeah? Why's that?"
"Because this is wrong," I say, barely mumbling the words. He grins and starts to laugh, and I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously, "What?"
"Nothing, luv, it's just that your first answer wasn't ‘because I want you to, Oliver'."
I blush bright red.
Oliver shrugs, "I find that interesting, don't you?" He's leaning closer then, his arm dropping over to the other side of my body as he slowly leans over. My breath catches as he slowly moves up my body, until his lips are right by my ear and his body covers most of mine.
And I'm letting him.
"You know what I think?" He whispers into my ear, his lips grazing the skin there.
"I don't want to know what you think, Ol-"
"I think you want me."
His directness throws me off for one quarter second, and I find myself biting my lip to keep in the gasp that threatens to come tumbling out. "You're delusional," I whisper.
I can feel him grin, the heat of his breath against my neck, "Nah, sweetheart, I think deep down, you're dying to know what it would feel like to come with my cock buried inside of you. You're just aching to know what you missed out on those years ago."
Oh my God.
I'm wet; so wet and so damn ready for him the second he says it, but at the same time, that voice deep inside screams "NO". No to this man I should have nothing to do with. No to this cocky, arrogant bad boy whose only been and who'd only ever be trouble. The man who's my boss; not to mention the biggest man whore in Britain.
"Oliver, you should sto-"
"Chloe," his lips close around my earlobe, and I moan as his tongue teases the skin there.
My fucking traitorous body moans.
"See," he grins, his voice a dark honeyed tickle in my ear. "I think you're begging for it inside. You're dying to know what my tongue feels like deep in your pussy; dying to know how hard I'm gonna make you come."
It feels as though I might explode, right here and right now. I'm breathing heavily, panting, my eyes closed and my legs squeezing together. And the fucked up thing is that my body is so on edge and so turned on and he's not even fucking touching me.
Until he is.
I can feel his hand slide under the sheets by my calves, and I shiver as his tongue slides against my ear while his hand closes over the skin of my leg. He trails it higher, teasing my skin and sending shockwaves through my whole body. I'm panting out loud, moaning for him as he kisses my ear.