But the exhaustion precluded any more guilt, or anything other than the compelling need for sleep and she let her inner nag go silent. “We staying on the couch?” she asked when he covered them with a blanket.
“Yeah, we are. Go on to sleep, honey.”
“Okay,” she slurred like she’d been on an hours-long bender. “Love you.”
She woke with a gasp from a terrifying and instantly forgotten nightmare. Wincing, she peeled her skin off the leather and sat, trying to get her bearings. Her temples pounded and her gut was turning in queasy flips. Seeking Kent’s familiar contours, she found empty space. She swiped at the sweat beading her face and rose, thinking a big glass of water might help, so she swaddled her naked body in the blanket and headed for the kitchen.
“Ow! Crap,” she yelped when her pinky toe geo-located the coffee table leg on her way, relishing the kitchen’s coolness after the stuffy confines of the living room. She drank two huge glasses and wiped her mouth, figuring Kent must have decamped to the much-more-comfortable bed after she’d passed out in a puddle of post-orgasmic goo. A blue glow lit the hall. She followed it, thinking he’d left the television on in the bedroom.
The door eased open and she slipped into the room, planning to crawl in behind him, maybe do a little of her own kissing, sucking, and whatever it took to get the man off these days. The TV sat dark on top of the huge piece of furniture that held Kent’s many perfectly folded white undershirts and immaculately arranged underwear. She tracked the glow around the corner, to a small alcove that jutted out over the other side of the building. It held a tiny desk and a comfy chair where she would sometimes curl up and read, liking her little private retreat high above the city.
Figuring his phone must be lighting the area with incoming stock quotes from overseas, she tiptoed away until she realized he was sitting at the desk, hunched over his laptop. She yawned and headed for the bathroom and the toothbrush she’d left here a few days ago at his insistence. He’d been pretty bossy about it, among other things. Telling her that she should quit her job now, concentrate on the wedding, their new house, healing after her miscarriage.
The bathroom light blinded her momentarily. After brushing her teeth, rinsing out her mouth, and using his soap to wash her face, she flipped off the light and snuck out, thinking she’d surprise him, drag him to the bed, see if she could revive some of his newly missing ardor. She’d gotten close to his darkened profile when she realized he had his hand in his lap and his breathing came in short gasps.
Oh crap, he’s jacking off.
She backed away, intending to give him privacy when she caught the images on the screen. On it were two men, one seemingly hunched over the other’s back. The camera shifted, giving her a clear view of a long, thick cock sliding into an ass, again and again. She put her palm over her mouth to keep from gasping when another shot of a man on his knees sucking some other guy’s dick filled the screen. Cara tried to move, but her feet seemed set in concrete, anchoring her and forcing her to observe as her fiancé masturbated to the images of men fucking each other. When she whirled away, she immediately tripped over an ottoman, sending her nose first onto the carpet.
“Ow,” she whispered, rolling so she faced the ceiling. Kent filled her vision, his face flushed, his gaze panicked. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to disturb your...whatever that was.” A strange sensation of lightness, perhaps even relief, coiled around in her head. She let him help her to her feet, but kept her distance.
“Baby, I’m...I...it’s not what you...think.” He stopped and shifted his gaze to the floor, his perfectly cut torso gleaming with sweat, his shorts tented, a shock of his dark hair dropping over his forehead.
Unable to stop herself, she brushed it away and cradled his rough cheek in her palm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“There’s nothing to know.” He hesitated just long enough to make her heart sink. “I...needed to, you know. I mean....”
“I’m sleepy. Let’s go to bed.” She held out her hand, her heart calm, her mind clear but acknowledging that things had suddenly gotten a lot more complex.
“I love you,” he ground out, pulling her to him, pressing his erection against her stomach. “I want you. Only you.”
She started to speak but her body took over. They came at each other like they were strangers, clumsy, teeth clicking, tripping over their own feet, making it to the huge bed just barely. She shoved him down, running her palms down his perfect chest and abs before gripping his dick.
“Mine,” she whispered, biting down on one nipple. He shivered and his hips jerked. She had no frame of reference for the emotions crashing together inside her brain right then and decided to let regular old jealousy win the wrestling match.