Yes, it’s time I moved on . She felt that Kayden didn’t need her hanging around like a lovesick puppy. She nodded. ‘Sure, love to.’
Jason looked happy with himself as he helped Kayden finish dishing up. After his invitation, the air between Kayden and Cassie was thick. Maybe he guessed she was giving up. However, she thought, that should make him happy, not annoyed. As soon as Jason goes, I’m going to sort this out. If he doesn’t want me here anymore, he only has to say.
Before Jason left, he placed Kayden and Cassie’s hands together.
‘What are you waiting for, K? Just let nature take its course. Even on my date she couldn’t stop thinking about you, mate. If she knocks you over the other side of the room just suck it up and get back on the horse, so to speak.’ He laughed and left.
Cassie stood and went to clean up the dishes from the table. ‘Jason is no fool but he really had that all wrong. You should have told him you only see me as a friend, Kayden.’
‘Is that what you think, Cassie?’
‘Kayden, please. I slept in your bed for two weeks and you barely touched me after we kissed. I know you think I’m just a bit of fun to have around and that is fine. Honest. I would sooner keep you as my friend than not have you in my life at all. Forget about Jason’s stupid comment but next time just tell him the truth so he drops it.’ She tossed her exasperation at Kayden.
‘Cassie, sit down and talk to me. I can see I’ve hurt you and we need to talk.’
He pulled out the chair next to him for her to sit.
Cassie stayed standing at the bench, unable to talk to him so close. ‘Kayden, you have nothing to apologise for. It was my first kiss: always the most unforgettable, no doubt. I’m new at all this and impressionable.’ She tried to smile, doing what she could to prevent him from seeing how truly wounded she was from his rejection. ‘I’m young and sure I’ll find another that will make me feel as you did. Only hopefully next time they will feel as I do too.’ She wrung her hands in the tea towel, not wanting to sound ungrateful. Pulling it together, she gave him a nice polite smile. ‘Although I have to admit you will be a hard act to follow.’
He glared at her, speechless. Under his gaze, she felt embarrassed for saying so much. She hurried outside to get some fresh air, cursing for being so open and still feeling his eyes that had burned into her as she spoke. What’s wrong with me? I should have just let it go. Now he’s probably packing my bags for me as we speak.
She heard his footsteps and the screen door open. Her cheeks burned with shame for speaking up and if she could have willed it she would have opened up the floor and let it suck her into it. She was so glad it was dark.
‘Cassie, please let me explain,’ he said, slipping his hand into hers.
She sighed, trying to find the words to stop him worrying. It was so humiliating. She glanced quickly at his kind, worried face and wished she could find something clever to say to put it behind them. ‘It’s life, Kayden, so don’t feel bad. My whole life has been just like this. I love, I care, I get hurt but guess what, I survive. None of this is your fault. It was only a kiss.’ Cassie felt drained, unable to take away his worried look.
He put his finger to her mouth. ‘Hush, little one. Now it is your turn to listen to me. When you came to me, I hurt you terribly, both physically and mentally. Every day I suffered, watching you smile through bruises I helped cause and patiently waiting for me to believe in you. When we had proof that you were not a threat you forgave my arrogance and I swore to myself that if you stayed with me I would never hurt you again. Now, through my promise I have hurt you once more.’ He held both her hands and faced her. ‘You are the most desirable woman I have ever seen. I want you so badly that at nights I fear to touch you in case I can’t stop. If I make love to you it might not be pleasant; you know how strong I am. I’m not normal, Cassie. The longing and hunger for you is primal. I’ve never felt like this before and it may make me lose control. I can’t bear it if I scare or God forbid, hurt you. I really am sorry, princess. I should have told you how I felt. It has confused you, making you think I don’t feel as you do.’
Listening to him, Cassie understood how easy it was to get your wires crossed. She had never thought that one of her minor fears had been one of his major ones. She couldn’t blame him for not talking to her about it. After all it was she who had pulled away and refused to discuss it, instead preferring to believe she was unworthy of anyone’s love and that that was the end of it. Cassie wiped away the dejected tears that had run quietly down her face. ‘There is a first time for every woman in the world, Kayden and they all survive. I’m not normal either if you hadn’t noticed. Maybe we will be perfect, maybe not. If we don’t try then how will we ever know? If you hurt me, I have the power to protect myself.’ She cocked an eyebrow at him and amused at the thought, said, ‘Would you really prefer my first to be with someone else ... maybe Jason?’