I cruised a few miles below the speed limit, whipping my head from sidewalk to sidewalk, sure I’d see him the next block down. The next block turned out to be three miles down the road. India’d been right. He was planning on walking the journey from New York to Syracuse on foot.
Not that I needed any more confirmation, but the man was crazy.
His walk was purposeful, his shoulders rolled forward and his hands stuffed into his pockets, likely to stay warm. I could see the fog from his breath from half a block back. Steering over beside him, I rolled down the window.
“Need a ride, cowboy?”
His mouth curved up as he continued down the sidewalk. “Girls shouldn’t offer rides to crazy men roaming the streets late at night.”
I reminded myself I was mad at him and that we were taking a break. After I gave him a lift home. “I like my men crazy.”
Stopping, he turned and walked towards the car. “Then I’d love a ride,” he said, sliding into the passenger seat and smiling over at me. It was the sad kind though because it didn’t hit his eyes.
“Cold?” I asked, turning his seat to the high setting.
He lifted a shoulder. “I’ve been colder.”
I could tell he was hiding something between the lines—like a subliminal message—but I wasn’t sure what.
“Okay then,” I said, hitting cruising speed. “Syracuse or bust?”
Hanging his hands in front of the heater, he looked away from me and stared out the window. “I’ll take ‘or bust.’”
I glanced over at him. The heat blasting through the car heightened Jude’s normally subdued scent. Every breath I inhaled smelled of Jude. Every breath hurt to take. “Of course you would.”
“You and I both know where I’d rather be, but since I can’t have that, then sure, Syracuse will work.”
I looked down at the clock glowing neon green in the dark. We’d ticked off a whole five minutes in what was a five hour journey. If he kept throwing these kind of topic punches, I was going to be TKO because we hit the interstate.
“Could we not do that?” I asked. “I need a break. You agreed to one. But I couldn’t let you walk a million miles in the cold and dark. Can we just play nice?”
“Yeah, Luce,” he said, tilting his head back on the seat rest. “I can play however you want me to play.”
By the time we were cruising down the interstate, Jude and I hadn’t said another word to each other. We’d never mastered the art of small talk and since the heavy stuff was off the table, we settled into an agreed upon silence. Although it didn’t feel quiet.
At the first pit stop, Jude insisted he drive the rest of the way and those were the first and last words he said to me the rest of the way.
CHAPTER TWELVE
I jolted awake, but my jolt fizzled short. I was in the passenger seat of India’s car, the seatbelt tight around me, the morning light just starting to make its way into the car. I was staring at the ceiling since my seat was reclined. Unbuckling my belt, I shifted in my seat.
Jude was reclined in the driver’s seat, awake, and watching me.
“What time is it?” I asked, shifting farther onto my side to look at him straight on.
“A little after five, I think,” he said, the crescents beneath his eyes darkened. I wasn’t sure how long Jude had gone without sleep, but I knew whether it was one night or four nights, it was unhealthy.
I—us being the real stick of dynamite—was as unhealthy for him as he was for me.
My first class was at nine, so there was no way around being late unless I booked twenty miles over the speed limit. “I’ve got to get going,” I said, reaching for the switch on the side of the seat to lift the seat back up.
Jude didn’t move; he just stayed reclined, curled into that position, staring into the space I’d just been asleep in.
Finally, he sighed. “Yeah. I know.”
Moving the seat up, he exited the car. He waited for me as I came around the front, holding the door open and toeing at the ground.
Another goodbye I had to say to Jude, the semi-permanent kind, and I didn’t want to do it again.
“Bye,” I whispered, squeezing past him to crawl into the car. The word stuck in my throat, tasting acrid.
His arms suddenly wrapped around me and pulled me against him, surprising me. He held onto me, refusing to let me go, and I let him. In the past, Jude had always felt like the one holding me up when we were close like this, but now it felt like I was the one holding him up.
Nuzzling into my neck, his body shook once. I was going to start sobbing again if he didn’t let me go.