"Are you saying we weren't nice?" Quinn asked in an offended tone.
Kara pulled her hand out from under Quinn's. "I'm not saying that at all. You are two of the nicest men I've ever met. You remind me of my fathers. Jim isn't that nice, but he was close, or I thought he was," Kara said dejectedly.
"Kara?" Ben prompted.
"Oh, yeah." She looked up at both of them. "There just wasn't any chemistry, I guess. I tried. There was on his part. I don't get that. How could he feel passionate if I didn't? That didn't make sense to me. So, that's what I meant. Logically, I wanted to want him. But physically, I didn't want him. I was hoping I would, eventually. I was planning on sleeping with him, anyway. I had to sleep with somebody," she explained reasonably, somewhat surprised by their stunned expressions.
"What? Didn't that make sense? I thought it all out." She turned to Ben and handed him her empty glass. "Can I have a little more of this? I really like these. I've never had one of these before. What are they called, a Colorado Bulldog? I want the recipe. I'm sure that Karen will like these after she stops breastfeeding. I really like them, because they hardly have any alcohol in them." She watched as Ben got up slowly to go over to the bar and make up another drink for her. But his big body was in the way, so she couldn't get a good view of what all went into the drink.
"Kara, why did you have to sleep with somebody?" Ben asked softly as he put the drink in front of her.
Kara picked up the glass and took a sip. "Ben, this tastes even better than the one before, almost like a coffee and chocolate milkshake!" Ben stood beside her as she continued to sip her new treat, and he stroked the hair down the back of her head. "Sweetheart, why did you have to sleep with Jim?"
Kara looked up into Ben's soulful brown eyes and told him the truth. "I was lonely. I wanted babies and a family. He was the best man I could find after you and Quinn sent me away, so I had to figure out a way to learn to want him, to learn to love him. I knew that if I really practiced, if I really tried, I would figure out how to do it." She realized her voice sounded sad, but she just couldn't help it. She was sad when she thought about sleeping with Jim, and she had been sad when Ben and Quinn had sent her away. Now she was sad having to tell them about how pathetic her life was. She figured she might as well finish it.
"You know that I broke up with Jim." She appreciated that they didn't say anything, they just nodded solemnly. "He didn't approve of my parents. I deliberately talked to him at the time about it before he ever met them. He said it wasn't a problem. He said … he said … " She looked down at the milky brown liquid in her glass.
"What, Kara, what did he say?" Quinn asked.
"He said live and let live. He said he would love them, because they were my parents. Then he couldn't wait to get away from them. He even suggested that after we were married that we wouldn't have to see them very often. But that wasn't the worst." Kara felt the tears coming and wished she could stop them, but she couldn't. God, she hated crying. "He said it was morally wrong and icky. How could somebody I thought was so nice say that about my mom and dads? How could I have been so wrong? How come I'm always so wrong about everyone I trust?"
* * * *
Quinn couldn't handle it a minute longer. "Ben, what did you put in that last drink?"
"Milk, coffee, cola and chocolate syrup," Ben quickly replied.
"Sweetheart, can you look at me for a moment?" Quinn waited until she was totally focused on him, and he winced at the two tear tracks that he saw marring her beautiful skin. "You were right to trust us." He watched as she shook her head wildly, white-gold hair flying everywhere. He lunged for her drink, quickly handing it off to Ben.
"No! No, I wasn't." Quinn carefully caught both of her hands, and placed them under one of his on the dinette table. Then he reached up and brushed the hair out of her face so that she could see him.
"Yes, baby, you were. It might have felt like we were giving you up, but in our hearts we never did. We always planned to come back for you, to make a life with you. So, you can trust that your instincts were spot on when you trusted us. Now, were we-" Quinn paused and grimaced. "Was I smart about how I went about this? Fuck no. I was the world's biggest dumbass."
"Good try, Quinn." He watched Kara box her arms on the table and rest her head on them. She appeared to be looking at Ben and him from the side, her eyes getting droopy. "I thought that, at first. I believed you were trying to protect me. If it had just been you, that explanation would have worked. But it wasn't just you, was it?" Her eyes cut to Ben. Quinn looked over at his brother, and he watched as Ben looked ready to throw up. "Ben went along with it, and he knew that I wasn't like your mama, that I wanted to be with you no matter how dangerous your job was. But he agreed to send me away, too." Her last words were said quietly, as her eyes closed.
"Kara?"
"She's asleep, brother." Quinn looked at her again and saw the deep even breaths, and realized Ben was right. She'd fallen asleep. Their plan had worked. They'd gotten information from her, but at what emotional cost?
"Why don't you take her to the bedroom?" Quinn offered. He wanted to be the one to carry her, but after those last words, he knew that Ben needed to have the intimacy. Jesus, what a mess he had made of everything.
* * * *
Kara climbed up to the deck of the boat and found both Quinn and Ben unpacking new fishing gear. She was thankful that it was a normal overcast day so the sun wouldn't hurt her eyes.
"I'm guessing those had a bit more of a kick than I thought."
"Vodka," Quinn said succinctly. "We were trying to get you drunk," he said as he continued to unpack a box.
"Yeah, I figured that out when I was brushing my teeth this morning. I appreciated you having a bag of my stuff waiting for me."
"Yeah, we're real nice that way," Quinn said in a disgusted voice. He stopped unpacking and came over to where she was standing. "How are you feeling? We really only gave you three drinks, but we knew you don't normally drink."
"I have a bit of headache. I raided your medicine chest and took a couple of aspirin. I hope you don't mind." Quinn guided her over to the padded the bench on the side of the boat and motioned with his head for Ben to join them.
"Of course we don't mind if you took some aspirin. Whatever we have is yours. Do you know why I wanted-and by the way, it was my idea, not Ben's," Quinn clarified. "Why I wanted to get you drunk?"
"You wanted to find out what had happened with Jim."
"That was definitely part of it," Quinn agreed, "but I wanted to find out where we really stood with you. I wanted to find out just how big of a hole I had managed to dig for Ben and me."
"It's pretty big," Kara said, letting her long hair slide over her face so she didn't have to look at him. Quinn didn't let her get away with it. He immediately reached out and pulled it back from her face, and handed the mass to Ben who was seated behind her. Ben easily tied the length into a loop so that it would remain in place out of her eyes.
"It's pretty big, but I'm thinking it's not insurmountable. I think we have to start all over again. We have to prove to you that we're the kind of men who won't leave, who you can depend on to be there, even when life throws us curveballs." Kara still refused to look him in the eye, but she could tell by his body language that Quinn was frustrated. She stared at the point beneath his chin for a while before finally answering him.
"It's not so much life throwing you curveballs. I know that you can handle anything. You've proved again and again how capable you are. Where I don't trust you is that you won't let me stand beside you. That you'll put me behind you on some misguided notion that you're protecting me, and we will end up with an unequal relationship. That would never work." Quinn couldn't believe the level of relief he was feeling. The fact that Kara was even explaining how she thought a relationship should work in the future meant that the possibility of a future relationship existed. She might not realize it, but he did. Thank the Creator! He peered over her shoulder and, noting the wide grin on Ben's face, saw that he had realized the same thing. Ben contained his grin and turned her around to face him.
Quinn watched as Ben pulled Kara into his arms, and then he stood up with her and picked her up, taking her over to one of the large angler's chairs that were used for fishermen to fish off the back of the boat. Quinn followed and sat on the chair beside them. He watched as Kara eventually began to relax into Ben's hold and settle into his lap.