Kara immediately knelt down in front of her. "Josie, what is it? Please, tell me, and I promise to help you."
"I know that Chance has fun dressing me, and Sam just thinks it's funny. But it's not." Kara watched as her friend's eyes welled with tears. "I truly don't get it. I grew up really poor. I had to scrimp and save, and any extra money we had went to serviceable clothes, clothes that we knew would last one or two school years, you know?" Kara nodded her head. She had talked to Josie before and understood the kinds of hours she had put in waitressing so that she could raise her younger sisters on her own.
"I watch as Chance picks out things for me, and he doesn't pick out all blue things, or all red things. I don't understand how he makes all these different colors look so pretty together. All I can manage to do is repeat an outfit that he's already assembled. I feel like a failure, like he knows he has to do this for me because I'm too dumb to learn."
Kara got up on the bed beside Josie and wrapped her arms around her. She was stunned that her friend could feel that way about anything. In the three years since she had arrived in Fate Harbor, Kara had been nothing but impressed by her. She was someone who had started her own business, and not just gotten by, but made it a success. She had fallen in love with two wonderful men and chosen to make a life with them, despite the fact that a triad relationship was going to be difficult and some people would give them grief. Then there were Josie's two younger sisters that she had raised singlehandedly since they were five, who were now juniors at Florida State University. How could a woman who had accomplished all these things feel like a failure?
"Josie, I can definitely help you figure out what goes with what. That stuff comes easily to me. I can teach you that in no time." Josie's head slammed up and hit Kara in the chin. "Oww," they both cried out.
"You can?" Josie asked through a shimmer of tears.
"Yes, I can," Kara assured her. "But Chance has been having fun dressing you for how long, now?"
"Since day one, so almost three years," Josie said.
"And you, how long has this been fun for you, having Chance get you naked and play dress up with you?" Kara asked knowingly.
"Pretty much three years."
"How many weeks did you take off after Lissa was born?" Kara asked.
"I took six weeks off," Josie said, biting her thumbnail.
"How many full weeks did you stay out of the bakery?"
"Three."
"How in the hell did you get away with that with Chance and Sam?" Kara asked incredulously.
"Whenever I went to the bakery, Sam would think I was with Chance, or Chance would think I was with Sam. They were both so tired, because Lissa was up half the night, that it was easy to get around them," Josie admitted.
"So you only took three full weeks off, you have two husbands and a three month old, you own your own business, plus, you're responsible for two sisters in college. Do I have this right?"
"Maybe," Josie reluctantly admitted.
"So how much do you think this meltdown about clothes has to do with you being overworked and overtired and an all-around idiot?" Kara asked in a gentle voice.
"A lot?" Josie questioned, batting her big brown eyes up at Kara, and then she burst out laughing, and Kara quickly joined in.
Before they got started on the fashion lessons, Josie zipped into the kitchen and brought back some warm cinnamon rolls and milk. "There are still more in the kitchen. There are also some soup bones for Butch and Sundance. You and the pups are being paid in food for your babysitting services."
"And we couldn't be happier," Kara said as she picked up a bun with a paper napkin and took a big bite. She chewed and moaned and smiled, then chewed some more, and finally went for some of the cold milk, and smiled again. "God, Josie, how you think you could fail at anything is beyond me when you can bake like this." Kara forced herself to put down the remainder of the roll so that she could focus on clothes.
By the time Josie left with Sam and Chance she looked beautiful, and she had a whole new confidence on how to put together an outfit. Kara had also wrangled a promise from her to come clean about how little time off she had really taken. The promise had come under duress, because Josie had known that Kara would check up on her and tattle if necessary.
Kara immediately headed to Lissa's room and curled up on the love seat. The smell of baby powder permeated the room, and another softer scent that was magic of new life. Slowly Kara began to relax for the first time since the night of her date with Dr. Jim. She had a goal, it was a good one, she was doing the right thing. Secure in the knowledge she would hear Lissa if she needed anything, Kara settled in for a nap.
* * * *
Jesenia Karim owned the local nursery in Fate Harbor. She always said she was fated to do this, since her name meant "flower" in Arabic. She had left her parents, first generation immigrants from Morocco, behind in Portland, Oregon. While Jesenia respected the culture and religion of her parents, she had embraced the freedoms of America and needed to put some distance between the strict expectations that they had for her. Jesenia had found the accepting attitudes of Fate Harbor perfect for the life she wanted to live. She might not want to embrace a triad relationship, but the fact that they were accepted in the community told her that this town would certainly be open to a second-generation female Moroccan businesswoman.
She had easily made friends in the community, Kara Johansen being one of her best. Therefore, she was aghast when she personally delivered a bouquet of flowers that she had been sure would please Kara, but instead made her burst into tears.
"But, Kara, these were the flowers that you ordered again and again you had me arrange them to be delivered in Alaska for months. I remember, it was honeysuckle and sweet peas. When Jim Peterson asked me what you would like, I told him these were your favorites." Jesenia immediately put down the arrangement on the bench in Kara's studio and hugged her friend.
Kara finally got it together and pulled out of Jesenia's arms. "I'm sorry, you did nothing wrong," Kara sniffed.
"Obviously, I did," Jesenia said with that lilt in her voice.
"It's me, Jess. A lot of memories are associated with those flowers, and they just came crashing down when I saw them. Not your fault, I promise."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jesenia asked hesitantly.
"Oh, honey, all I've done lately is talk about it. It's nothing personal. You're somebody I would definitely share this with, but I'm just talked out, okay?" Jesenia could clearly see the misery on her friend's face and knew that the kindest thing she could do was to not ask questions. She gave Kara another hug.
"Please know I'm always a phone call away if you need me, sweetheart," Jesenia assured Kara, and then she watched as Kara's eyes welled with tears.
"I know, Jess, and I can't tell you how much that means to me," Kara assured her as tears dripped down her face.
"Do you want me to take these back?" Jesenia asked, motioning to the flowers.
"No, they are my favorites, you were absolutely right. Thanks so much for remembering. And thanks for bringing them over yourself. I know that Brad normally does your deliveries." Kara gave her friend another hug and ushered her out of her backyard studio.
Kara was lost in thought when her phone rang. She looked at the screen and saw that it was Jim. She cleared her throat and answered with a smile.
"Hi, Jim, I got your flowers. They're lovely."
"That's wonderful. Your friend Jessie told me they were your favorites," he said warmly.
"They are," she said, clearing her throat.
"Are you okay? You're not coming down with something, are you?" he asked with concern. "I'd hate to think you're getting sick before your opening on Saturday."
"Nope, I'm in my studio. I think that it's just the chemicals getting to me, I took off my ventilator to answer the phone," she prevaricated.
"Oh, well I'll let you go. I have to start making rounds, anyway. I miss you, Kara. I can't wait until Saturday."
"Me, too, Jim."
"Put your ventilator back on. I want you safe and well," he said, right before hanging up. Leif's words swam through her head. Was she using this good man? Could she really fully commit to him? She had better make sure. She shut down her equipment, took off her protective gear, picked up her flowers, and made her way back home. She was bone-deep tired, needing a nap.
She carried the flowers into her bedroom and placed them on her dresser, then stripped out of her coveralls, leaving them in a pile on her floor. Then she did something she hadn't done in over a year. She rifled through the bottom drawer of her dresser and found the T-Shirt that hadn't been laundered since she had stolen it from Quinn on her last trip to Alaska. She put it up to her nose and took a deep breath. She could still smell him, and she put it on over her head. She climbed into bed. She wasn't crying, and she counted that as a blessing. For long minutes she stared at the flowers, until finally she was able to draw comfort from the scent and close her eyes, trying to sleep. She wasn't surprised that she couldn't. Instead she lay staring up at the ceiling, remembering the last time she had smelled honeysuckle, sweet peas, and Quinn.