"Can you do one more thing for me, Kara?" Ilsa asked as she held onto her daughter's shoulders, looking her in the eye.
"Anything," Kara promised.
"Make sure you don't rush into anything. I want my baby girl to be happy." This time it was Ilsa with tears in her eyes.
"Mom, I want to have a family. I want to raise kids like you did. I want a good man to do that with. That's going to make me happy," Kara stated firmly.
"Okay, honey." Ilsa kissed her daughter. "Let's get the rest of this food out to the hungry hoard."
After dinner, her mom hustled her three brothers out the door so that Kara could have some alone time with her dads, Conn and Leif, Sr. She wasn't sure where to start, and as usual, it was her papa, Conn, who had just taken her into his arms.
"I love you, munchkin. No matter what you have to say, we'll understand. It'll be all right," the big man assured her.
"Papa, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." She sniffled into his sweater.
"Kara, the only thing that hurt was seeing you so upset. Do you need to talk about it, or did you get it all out with your mom?" Conn stroked his hand soothingly down the length of her hair.
"I told Mom. I didn't realize I was pushing you and Daddy away. I've been such an idiot." She pulled out of Conn's arms and walked over to Leif, Sr., who pulled her in for a hug. "I'm so sorry, Daddy. Can you forgive me?" she asked the gentle blond giant.
"There's nothing to forgive," he assured her, "unless you want to count all the times we've considered going up to Alaska to kick some Tlingit ass." He snarled. Kara gave a wet laugh.
"Yeah, well, I think they have some Viking ancestry mixed in there, as well, so you might end up getting knocked on your ass," she warned.
"Right is might, Munchkin," Conn reminded her with a wicked smile. Kara felt all of her pain drain away as she was surrounded by the love and affection of her two fathers. Ilsa brought out a coffee cake that she had hidden away from her sons, so the four of them ate that with hot cocoa and ended up talking late into the evening, providing Kara with a sense of peace that she hadn't even realized she had been missing.
Chapter 7
That night when she got home, Kara had a lot of thinking to do. She sat down on the back porch and let Butch and Sundance bring her the tennis balls in a halfhearted game of catch as she thought back to the conversation she had had with her mom and dads.
It was great having her family so solidly on her side. The importance of family was one of the first things that she had bonded over with Ben and Quinn. There were so many things about those men that had made Kara think that they were perfect for her.
Kara stopped throwing the tennis balls to Butch and Sundance. Her heart hadn't been in it from the start, and thinking about Quinn and Ben just made her sad. No matter how happy the memories, she knew how the story ended and it was heartbreaking. The dogs whined at her feet. They knew her moods, and each of them pressed their heads against her, trying to offer comfort. She dug in and petted them the way she knew they liked, but even that made her sad, thinking of Newman and Redford. As she brushed away a tear, the dogs began to bark and do a happy dance and ran around to the side of the house.
Kara knew it had to be one of her brothers. They probably had figured out why they had been booted out after Sunday dinner and wanted to check on her. She really wasn't ready to talk to Dane or Eric, since they were so firmly entrenched in the Shotbrook corner, but she guessed she'd have to deal.
She was surprised to see Leif round the corner. He'd only been to her house once by himself since coming home from Iraq.
"Hey, little sister, it looked like you might need some company tonight," Leif said as he climbed up on the top step and sat down close beside her. Kara knew that his gaze missed nothing. He'd been very observant before the Army, but since coming home, she'd noticed that he had the equivalent of an artist's eye, taking in every aspect of his surroundings, maybe not to draw, but definitely noticing every detail. So, she knew that her tearstained face had been noticed, but he didn't comment.
"Would you like a beer?" she asked.
"Not really, I just thought I'd sit for a while and enjoy the silence. I really missed the Northwest while I was in sand country." He gently put his big arm around her, coaxing her to rest her head on his shoulder. They sat like that for quite some time, the dogs lying quietly at their feet, the stars and moon providing all the light they needed.
"Did I tell you about the woman Caleb and I met?" Leif asked.
"Nuh-uh," Kara said, shaking her head.
"Well, little sister, this is only between Caleb and me. I'm only sharing this with you if you tell me about these men in Alaska. I've heard Dane and Eric's version, but I want to hear it from you. I want to know why I came home after serving four tours to find my sister giving serious consideration to marrying a man who is all wrong for her. Frankly, sis, it's scaring me to death. Can you tell me, Kara?" When she tried to pull out of his arms, his strength wouldn't let her, and she realized she really didn't want to. She'd always felt safe with her oldest brother. He'd been her security blanket all of her life. He was ten years older, and she adored him, and he adored her. She melted back into his embrace. He'd already been in the Army when she became an artist and was getting teased by the rest of the clan. He would never have teased her. He would have understood.
"The men in Alaska are Ben and Quinn Shotbrook, and you would like them. They are good and honorable, but they don't want me, so I need to move on," she said succinctly. Kara was proud that she said that without emotion, without a betraying tremor.
"According to Eric and Dane, they love you and want to marry you. They adore you."
"Leif, you want to tell me about a woman you and Caleb met. Do you love her?" Kara asked.
"We don't know her well enough to love her," Leif answered honestly.
"Well, they know me well enough. They've told me they love me, but they give excuse after excuse for us not to be together. I say actions speak louder than words." This time she couldn't stop the tears from forming.
"Can you tell me? Can you explain it to me?" Leif asked.
"I'll try. I can't go over all the details. It's just too painful," she cautioned.
"Tell me what you can."
Kara took some time to gather her thoughts. "Leif, I went into it knowing it wasn't going to last. You met Burt on leave." Kara laughed at her brother's snort of derision at the sound of her first boyfriend's name. "Yeah, well, I thought it was time to put him into the past where he belonged."
"I think that was a fine idea. So, how old were you then, about twenty-four?" Leif asked.
"Twenty-five, but who's counting. Anyway, I met Ben, and he was amazing. I decided he was the one, but then I met his brother … " Kara's voice trailed off.
"So it was kind of like Mom with our fathers."
"Exactly!" Kara said, happy that Leif understood. "Oh, Leif, I don't want to go into specifics, especially with my brother, but it was so much more than physical. I felt cherished." She stopped talking, just rested her head on his shoulder for a few minutes, listening to the wind in the trees.
"I knew that Ben was going to have to go back out on the boat the next day, and I'd never see him again. I knew that going into it with them, but it was worth it. But then they changed things. They said they wanted to stay with me as long as I was in Alaska. Leif, it was glorious. I tried to provide for them, and they said I did. But I don't see how it was even close, considering how cosseted and loved they made me feel. They talked me into staying longer so that I could meet their mother. They even talked Dane and Eric into staying longer so that they could get to know them.
"Dane and Eric ended up getting two more weeks of vacation. The five of us went fishing, spent a lot of time with the whole Shotbrook clan. God, Leif, it was almost like just spending time around our dinner table. And then there was Auntie Dot's diner, it was just like Hart's only she was nicer to me. Ben, Quinn, Eric, and Dane got to be thick as thieves.
"Ben and Quinn called the dads for permission to marry me. Can you believe it?" Kara felt her throat close up again and pushed her face into her brother's chest, trying not to cry. "I didn't know. Dane told me after they proposed. They proposed right in front of everybody at a family dinner. They said they wanted to make a life with me, but for a while it would have to be in Alaska."
"Baby girl, I can see why Dane and Eric thought so highly of them."
"It gets even better. Quinn had a plan so that they didn't have to be commercial fishermen anymore, because he didn't want to be in such a dangerous profession and have me worrying all the time. He had everything worked out so he could put his younger brothers through college and everything. Did I tell you that Ben and Quinn were the oldest of seven brothers?" she asked, her voice wobbling. Leif pulled her in closer.