My stepfather took my hand, squeezing it gently as we moved off. “So you’re really going through with this?” he sighed.
“I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to say on the way to the church Daddy”
“I’m sorry, I’ll keep my mouth shut. You know I’ll always be here for you, no matter what you choose to do.”
We drove on, the driver taking the scenic route as we rounded mountains and fields overlooking the sea. Eric would probably be there now, waiting for me, waiting for his life to begin. Suddenly that wild impulse that had sought refuge in my stepfather, made me want to scream and I jumped up suddenly, my dress cascading around me. I slid open the roof window and pushed myself though and breathed deep. The wind flew past my cheek and messed my hair, but I didn’t care.
Daddy grabbed my hand, pulling me back into the seat and pulled me close, kissing me deeply on the lips.
“Daddy…I”
“No need to say anything,” he replied as we pulled up to the church, where everyone was already waiting. Rows of cars parked outside it told me the church would be full of expectant faces ready to assign their own hopes onto me.
Daddy stepped out and helped me after him, linking his arm through mine in a display of fatherly protection. We walked towards the huge heavy oak doors and I took a deep breath before he pulled them back and I stood at the end of a long aisle and a long tradition that stretched back like a long hand that had now caught me in its grip.
Charlie came running up behind me and fixed the back of my dress and veil, making sure everything was perfect and before I knew it, the huge church organ was bellowing above me, signalling that it was time for me to take that first step.
“I’m here with you honey” Daddy held my hand and together, we walked up the aisle. I had to steady myself against him; feeling unsure on my feet and the altar seemed a million miles away.
A huge crowd turned to face me as we began walking and once again, the tears began to flow. Kindly faces, huge grins and misty eyes followed me as I went at a snail’s pace; giving them the spectacle they had come for.
I saw Eric, up ahead and he turned to face me, looking handsome enough in his tuxedo but his sight didn’t lift me up the way Daddy did. He stretched out his hand and waited for me to come to him as I kissed Daddy’s cheek and he pulled away to go take his seat. Suddenly, I didn’t want to let go of his hand, I wanted him there with me and though I gripped the arm of his suit, he managed to unfurl my tentacle-like grip and sat down, leaving me to Eric.
I turned to my fiancé and he lifted my veil back, leaning in to kiss me warmly on the cheek. The priest greeted everyone and from that moment, the ceremony seemed to fly past in a blur. I recited my vows and before I knew it, Eric was holding my hand in his.
“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
I paused for a moment, running the words over in my head. Had I understood their impact before? I knew Eric would be a wonderful husband, but he didn’t make my stomach flip or want to jump off a rock into the freezing sea just for the hell of it. Who am I? - why is this becoming an issue now?
I looked into his deep brown eyes and he squeezed my hand, waiting for my reply.
“I do”
I picked up the ring from the little pillow and rolled it between the pads of my fingers. Suddenly, the images of my stepfather, bringing me to new heights of pleasure came flooding back to me.
“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
He didn’t hesitate for a second.
“I do”
I pushed the ring onto his finger and the priest smiled and got everyone to stand. “Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. What god has brought together, none may tear apart.”
The organ rattled again and blasted out the traditional wedding march that everyone had heard a million times before. Eric grabbed my arm and we sailed down the aisle, where outside a small crowd had gathered to cover us with confetti and rice. We ran down the steps and Eric pulled me in for a kiss before we made our way over to the car.
Eric was now sitting where Daddy had been and I felt a certain pull at my heart. It hit me that I now belonged to him.
“I can’t wait for tonight,” he grinned and kissed my ear. “Now we’re finally man and wife, I can show you my love like I haven’t been able to until now.”
I stared straight ahead. Something that I had been looking forward to for so long now held an empty dread. That night with my stepfather had changed everything. It was like he had pulled glasses away from my eyes and for a moment, I saw how the world truly was.