“Hey babe,” he kissed me softly and turned and headed straight for the kitchen to make some coffee. I wondered if he could smell him on me. “What’s the panic? You look like you’ve just run here.”
“Not exactly,” I laughed nervously. “I’ve been going over things in my mind and I just want our day to be perfect.”
“It will be, don’t worry” He squeezed my shoulder to reassure me and placed a giant mug of coffee in front of me. “And even if it’s not, then no big deal. It’s just one day Amber, the most important thing is that we’re getting married, that we’re committing to each other.”
I took a sip from the cup, letting his last sentence hang there, suspended between us, while I ran my eyes over him. Somehow, he didn’t set off the wild lust in me that my stepfather did. He was good-looking in a bland sort of way. He had a little paunch and mousy hair that didn’t make me want to jump him. But he was kind to me, though we probably didn’t have very much in common.
“You’re stressing over nothing babe, it’ll all be fine. Look – I even did these up last night.” He handed me a page with his scribbles over it. On it, he mentioned how he was so happy to be marrying me because of my eyes and my collection of star wars figures. Well if that wasn’t something to base a lifetime together on, then what was!
“They’re good – right?”
“Sure, they’ll do” I bit my lip, still tense and I wondered if he could read my guilt. Was it pinned to me like a scarlet letter, registering me as an adulteress, though we weren’t married yet? It didn’t matter - if he found out what I did, he would never go through with it.
Eric moved closer to me, kissing my neck gently and ran his hands over my breasts. “You know, we’re nearly husband and wife. No one would find out if we had a little fun before the big day. You look like you could do with releasing some tension. I know I could help you relax.”
“I would know,” I replied gruffly. His early morning breath, combined with coffee, almost had me push him away. “You know I want to wait and you need to take a shower – you stink”
“Fine,” he murmured. “We’ll wait then.”
He marched up the stairs and I headed out the door, jumping into my car and took off, foot back down on the accelerator.
Four
Two weeks later, my bridesmaid was strapping me into my dress. She did know, I hadn’t told anyone what had happened - it would get out somehow and find its way to Eric, I was sure of it.
Charlie pushed the comb of my veil into my hair, securing it tightly and brought it down over my face. At least that would hide my nerves. It was then, for seemingly no reason, that my eyes filled with tears and they began streaming down my face. I tried to brush them off, so as not to ruin my makeup.
“Amber, what’s wrong?” she looked at me aghast, like I had just told her the world was about to end.
“Nothing, I’m fine… sorry” I tried to straighten myself out, holding back the tears, but something pent up inside me was looking for release.
“There obviously is something if you’re bursting into tears on your wedding day, just before you’re supposed to marry the love of your life.”
“It’s just nerves,” I replied, looking away.
Charlie pulled my chin to face her. “You don’t have to do this you know. If you don’t feel this is the right thing for you, you don’t have to go through with it.”
I shook my head and smiled through the tears, “No, I’m just being silly; of course I want to marry Eric.”
She looked at me for a long time, trying to work out if I was telling the truth while I sniffed back my tears. We were silent for what seemed like an age, before she finally said it.
“Is there someone else?”
I feigned shock, how could a good girl like me have someone else?
“No, of course not – I love Eric,” I said weakly.
“Hmmm, maybe you could convince yourself of that?” she replied, raising one eyebrow.
I stood up, wiped my face and grabbed my bouquet of pink roses. I was going to marry Eric.
Charlie opened the doors and led me to the vintage Rolls Royce where my stepfather was waiting. He sipped on a glass of scotch in the backseat. Daddy had said he would organize the cars and he had certainly pulled out all the stops. Holding out his hand, he helped me in to sit beside him and Charlie arranged my dress and veil neatly around me in a little nest.
“See you there,” she smiled, kissing me on the cheek and slamming the door shut.